reality is arbitrary
I nearly seized at the P.'s house last night; Charlotte suggested I sleep in her bed for a while. I went and slept in the Tempurpedic bed until Adam woke me up and we drove home close to midnight. I was very... twitchy. I didn't want to be touched. Reality was bending in strange ways. I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. Adam finally got past the seizure barriers, forced me to look at his eyes, touched me until I came back. When I stepped into the shower later, reality-bending seizure became euphoria seizure and my brain was flooded with electricity, with something ferocious and mystical and orgasmic and all-consuming; I felt as though I could have been on MDMA or LSD. Reality warped again, but this time in a beautiful way, and the water beating against my skin became delicious and my senses became explosive. These sensations and feelings faded after some time. I was tired but I could not sleep. I dressed myself in silky pajamas and brushed my hair forever with a wood bristle brush, and went downstairs to the living room. Adam was watching Babylon 5 Season 4. I went on my laptop for a while. I went back upstairs to bed. Adam followed shortly. We stayed up talking until about two in the morning.
I'm one of those women who won't get jealous about the ex-girlfriends in my lover's life; in fact I will be extremely curious. I asked Adam about all his former lovers. He told me I don't compare; they are in the past and I am now and the future. He preferred to have good memories of them, no matter how badly they had hurt him. I told him this was healthy and good. I heard wistfulness and amusement in his voice when he spoke about some of them. The beautiful pain, he said, of those intense, agonizing, insane loves. The deep heartbreaking aches that made him feel alive and destroyed. Yet they are long gone, and he is now married to the love of his life and dreams, he said. He told me I am such a beautiful contradiction: Strong and fragile, gentle and fierce, tiny and huge, wordly and otherworldly. Throughout it all, always innocent, always pure, always extraordinary.
Our kisses are so full of passion, lingering, electrifying, intense, drowning, fiery, consuming; even the ones that say goodbye and hello. That is how it should always be.
I'm one of those women who won't get jealous about the ex-girlfriends in my lover's life; in fact I will be extremely curious. I asked Adam about all his former lovers. He told me I don't compare; they are in the past and I am now and the future. He preferred to have good memories of them, no matter how badly they had hurt him. I told him this was healthy and good. I heard wistfulness and amusement in his voice when he spoke about some of them. The beautiful pain, he said, of those intense, agonizing, insane loves. The deep heartbreaking aches that made him feel alive and destroyed. Yet they are long gone, and he is now married to the love of his life and dreams, he said. He told me I am such a beautiful contradiction: Strong and fragile, gentle and fierce, tiny and huge, wordly and otherworldly. Throughout it all, always innocent, always pure, always extraordinary.
Our kisses are so full of passion, lingering, electrifying, intense, drowning, fiery, consuming; even the ones that say goodbye and hello. That is how it should always be.