there used to people there. yeah, there were people there.
i had planned to use this space to find a link between the lost boys and the goonies and their combined effect on sociocultural standards and trends, but then i didnt. and instead i bitched and moaned until my hands got sore.
this is long, selfish, and pathetic...
i hate the sight of cars at atm's, especially white sports cars at night at atm's, and thats strange. but i swear to god it bothers me. i can't stand the sight of broken heineken bottles and the smell of mcdonalds pisses me off. hammocks, although comfortable, bring me down too, and if they are old (you know brownish green and the wood on them is all chipped away and rotting) then id rather lay in cold water than look at them. when people put food in their mouths with a fork and then bite down on the work with their teeth and pull it out as their way to operate eating with a fork i feel like my head is going to explode and i have the constant urge to break every clock i see.
sometimes stuff like this doesnt bother me at all.
the super bowl was kind of a bore to watch. i honestly tried to watch it all this year but gave up halfway through and got drunk. i was in wilmington for the weekend, well friday night and sat. morning i was fishing at topsail and it was storming. i felt fine.
sat. i went to wrightsville beach to see some people at jerrys. i forgot rachel was getting married and had graduated and i was nostalgic enough to help smitty cook cause he was slammed and no one was there to help him. i had a bottle of jack, a bottle of wine, some cigarettes that i did not want and some money that i felt would not be enough. i went all around town in the van and when trying to pick up phineas from the scots reunion at the wilmington country club i took a wrong turn and me and tj drove for a few miles on the golf cart path. i saw uncle julius and gramma mcphaul all decked out and kilts and shite and then we went downtown to the loft where tj lives and killed the two bottles and most of the cigarettes. mctuff and his chick showed up with clay to help and i danced to srv live on the tv. we found some hole in the wall bar where they had ping pong and i was too hammered to beat anyone but tj won like a million times and me and phineas played galaga until we got pissed and poured guiness on the machine. i was dressed too fancy so me and phineas went to some stupid club where everyone was apparently really fucking cool and saw some girls i used to know and we danced but not really because me and phineas cant dance so we just crossed our arms, tilted our heads back and nodded like the canadians do and talked shit about everyone there because at the club thats what you do. i think.
mctuff was explaining to me how to dip smoke and slam budweiser at the same time while telling jokes and how much chicks love it and then he cussed out his chick while dipping smoking and slamming budweiser because i had given her a dollar earlier to find me a chick and she failed and thats weak.
then mctuff about puked his party all over the bar and some guy was giving me shit and i told him we were just partyin on through and slouched out into the night by myself. i found some barbacue chicken pizza and a beer and snacked in the street talking to the bums before hitting the roof tops and yelling at everybody outside the bars just to remind them all that america really is number one. youre god damn right.
i slept in some asian girl's bed, lost my cell phone and woke up with pizza and beer all over me. i drove to topsail, watched the goonies and then hook and then my brother came, my parents and dog left, and i headed back to wilmington for the super bowl. spent the super bowl with my brother cousin and random necks that live around my cousin and it was good drunken fun. that night a bottle of jameson disapeared and no one seems to remember where it went. i kick ass at foosball and cook a mean barbacue steak. my cousin's new kegarator actually works and the beer and whiskey still does too. i know this because my brother smashed glass in the street and i tried to fight my brother, my cousin, and his roomate all at once and my body still hurts from such a terrible decision. plus we wrecked the house. then we went to the bar, talked shit to this creepy suedo hippy lurker who tried to tell me that for 10 dollars he'd make all the balls in for me in pool and then i kicked his ass in pool (and im terrible at pool) and some drunk guy that knows me from way back introduced himself to my brother who was so out of this world he responded "say when motherfucker! say when!" and thats as much as i can remember from that night aside from the fact that i was hurt up when the twins woke me up the next morning off the floor and i had to drive back to topsail and me and richy slouched harder then you can imagine for a day and a half. during which i discovered that kingdom of heaven is pretty alright, alexander is the stupidest movie ive seen since sideways and the goonies never gets old even if youve watched it on tv three times in four days. and dont ever question that.
these next two weeks will be very shitty i think. im really pessimistic/nervous about getting hired by the fire department in chapel hill. i passed all the tests with high marks but i just get the feeling that theyre gonna go with someone who knows someone who knows someone and im sure they also have to fill some of the spots with females and minorities which if they passed all the tests too then i have no problem with but still, i really want this bad. if i dont get it then this semester off was a waste except for saving money and mildly detoxing. im waiting for another temporary job to come up tommorow or friday so i can get more cabbage for the farm and aside from that im just doing work on my car and around the folks house. im alone with my thoughts far too much and reading, music, video games, and the computer do not help one bit anymore. i resent my sense of longing. i dread valentine's day and st. patty's day and most every holiday but those two the most because those days will bring only one track of thinking which is a perpetual trainwreck in cognitive sense. i want to be very far from here. but then again i don't.
today was a shitty day, ive been horribly depressed since like three in the morning cause i had a nightmare i used to have when i was a little kid and was an involuntary insomniac. when i finally got back to sleep around dawn i woke up again to a phone call saying my mom was in the emergency room but was alright and i packed her some things and went to see her. they let her come home tonight and i guess she's alright but ive been real worried about her and its safe to say i wont be sleeping ill just be sticking around my parents house and makin sure she's alright. and all day long my mind went from my mom and her and just awful thoughts like i was intentionally bringing up bad memories to make myself feel terrible and i dunno why. my normal remedy of jameson and ice isnt possible since i want to be coherent in case my mom needs something.
this is long, selfish, and pathetic...
i hate the sight of cars at atm's, especially white sports cars at night at atm's, and thats strange. but i swear to god it bothers me. i can't stand the sight of broken heineken bottles and the smell of mcdonalds pisses me off. hammocks, although comfortable, bring me down too, and if they are old (you know brownish green and the wood on them is all chipped away and rotting) then id rather lay in cold water than look at them. when people put food in their mouths with a fork and then bite down on the work with their teeth and pull it out as their way to operate eating with a fork i feel like my head is going to explode and i have the constant urge to break every clock i see.
sometimes stuff like this doesnt bother me at all.
the super bowl was kind of a bore to watch. i honestly tried to watch it all this year but gave up halfway through and got drunk. i was in wilmington for the weekend, well friday night and sat. morning i was fishing at topsail and it was storming. i felt fine.
sat. i went to wrightsville beach to see some people at jerrys. i forgot rachel was getting married and had graduated and i was nostalgic enough to help smitty cook cause he was slammed and no one was there to help him. i had a bottle of jack, a bottle of wine, some cigarettes that i did not want and some money that i felt would not be enough. i went all around town in the van and when trying to pick up phineas from the scots reunion at the wilmington country club i took a wrong turn and me and tj drove for a few miles on the golf cart path. i saw uncle julius and gramma mcphaul all decked out and kilts and shite and then we went downtown to the loft where tj lives and killed the two bottles and most of the cigarettes. mctuff and his chick showed up with clay to help and i danced to srv live on the tv. we found some hole in the wall bar where they had ping pong and i was too hammered to beat anyone but tj won like a million times and me and phineas played galaga until we got pissed and poured guiness on the machine. i was dressed too fancy so me and phineas went to some stupid club where everyone was apparently really fucking cool and saw some girls i used to know and we danced but not really because me and phineas cant dance so we just crossed our arms, tilted our heads back and nodded like the canadians do and talked shit about everyone there because at the club thats what you do. i think.
mctuff was explaining to me how to dip smoke and slam budweiser at the same time while telling jokes and how much chicks love it and then he cussed out his chick while dipping smoking and slamming budweiser because i had given her a dollar earlier to find me a chick and she failed and thats weak.
then mctuff about puked his party all over the bar and some guy was giving me shit and i told him we were just partyin on through and slouched out into the night by myself. i found some barbacue chicken pizza and a beer and snacked in the street talking to the bums before hitting the roof tops and yelling at everybody outside the bars just to remind them all that america really is number one. youre god damn right.
i slept in some asian girl's bed, lost my cell phone and woke up with pizza and beer all over me. i drove to topsail, watched the goonies and then hook and then my brother came, my parents and dog left, and i headed back to wilmington for the super bowl. spent the super bowl with my brother cousin and random necks that live around my cousin and it was good drunken fun. that night a bottle of jameson disapeared and no one seems to remember where it went. i kick ass at foosball and cook a mean barbacue steak. my cousin's new kegarator actually works and the beer and whiskey still does too. i know this because my brother smashed glass in the street and i tried to fight my brother, my cousin, and his roomate all at once and my body still hurts from such a terrible decision. plus we wrecked the house. then we went to the bar, talked shit to this creepy suedo hippy lurker who tried to tell me that for 10 dollars he'd make all the balls in for me in pool and then i kicked his ass in pool (and im terrible at pool) and some drunk guy that knows me from way back introduced himself to my brother who was so out of this world he responded "say when motherfucker! say when!" and thats as much as i can remember from that night aside from the fact that i was hurt up when the twins woke me up the next morning off the floor and i had to drive back to topsail and me and richy slouched harder then you can imagine for a day and a half. during which i discovered that kingdom of heaven is pretty alright, alexander is the stupidest movie ive seen since sideways and the goonies never gets old even if youve watched it on tv three times in four days. and dont ever question that.
these next two weeks will be very shitty i think. im really pessimistic/nervous about getting hired by the fire department in chapel hill. i passed all the tests with high marks but i just get the feeling that theyre gonna go with someone who knows someone who knows someone and im sure they also have to fill some of the spots with females and minorities which if they passed all the tests too then i have no problem with but still, i really want this bad. if i dont get it then this semester off was a waste except for saving money and mildly detoxing. im waiting for another temporary job to come up tommorow or friday so i can get more cabbage for the farm and aside from that im just doing work on my car and around the folks house. im alone with my thoughts far too much and reading, music, video games, and the computer do not help one bit anymore. i resent my sense of longing. i dread valentine's day and st. patty's day and most every holiday but those two the most because those days will bring only one track of thinking which is a perpetual trainwreck in cognitive sense. i want to be very far from here. but then again i don't.
today was a shitty day, ive been horribly depressed since like three in the morning cause i had a nightmare i used to have when i was a little kid and was an involuntary insomniac. when i finally got back to sleep around dawn i woke up again to a phone call saying my mom was in the emergency room but was alright and i packed her some things and went to see her. they let her come home tonight and i guess she's alright but ive been real worried about her and its safe to say i wont be sleeping ill just be sticking around my parents house and makin sure she's alright. and all day long my mind went from my mom and her and just awful thoughts like i was intentionally bringing up bad memories to make myself feel terrible and i dunno why. my normal remedy of jameson and ice isnt possible since i want to be coherent in case my mom needs something.