(no subject)
"thought you'd be looking for the next in line to love then ignore
put out and put away.
and so you'd soon be leaving me along like I'm supposed to
be tonight, tomorrow and everyday.
there's nothing here that you'll miss,
I can guarantee you this is a cloud of smoke
trying to occupy space
what a fucking joke, what a fucking joke.
I waited for a bus to separate the both of us and take me off far
away from you'
cause my feelings never change a bit I always feel like shit
I don't know why I guess that I just do.
you once talked to me about love and you painted pictures of a
never-neverland and I could've gone to that place
but I didn't understand
I didn't understand"
that song is like the story of my inner fucked up fears in some weird way.
not like anything about me is that inner, since all my emotions are served on plates to everyone i know.
i guess im trying to be happy right now that tomorrow is going to be 90 and i'm going to be at the beach,
but anticipation doesn't always help.
i always have this feeling of shit sitting on my shoulder when i'm bored,
or when i feel used,
or when i feel ditched,
or when i feel lonely.
but every once in a while i think
"at least i still have everything".
it's not the fact that i have nothing,
it's the fact that i'm constantly scared of everything leaving.
by that i mean people and things.
so i hold onto these reasons why people need to stay near me,
why i deserve some good things.
and then i feel like a complete pussy for writing down all of these stupid emotions,
because i hate to be that good guy. i really do,
i always make fun of stupid emotional guys,
and i'm just a stupid emotional girl.
i always imagine my future, and then i stop and realize that my fantasy's aren't possible because in my dreams i have everything, but i'm not myself.
i'm in immature emotional whipped pussy, that's myself.
and i don't mind it.
it sounds so weird to say it and not mind it, and i must look so weak,
but how can i be?
how can i be weak if i admit to my "fault" and accept it?
at least i'm not sitting here saying
"i'm so weak i can't do anything about it",
no,
fuck no. i like who i am, that's all that matters.
maybe someday that feeling in the bottom of my stomach will go away.
maybe i won't be so used to waiting for phone calls some day,
i think it's all just a big identity issue,
i need to feel wanted,
and that's the problem. i need to feel wanted or i go insane,
and i take naps when i can't take reality,
and i imagine things that never happen when i can't take reality.
i've always had this weird feeling like i'm not going to make it to 25,
i anticipate the future so much that i doubt i'll get one,
it seems like i've fantasized so much that it's actually happened.
but nothings happened,
so i keep waiting
put out and put away.
and so you'd soon be leaving me along like I'm supposed to
be tonight, tomorrow and everyday.
there's nothing here that you'll miss,
I can guarantee you this is a cloud of smoke
trying to occupy space
what a fucking joke, what a fucking joke.
I waited for a bus to separate the both of us and take me off far
away from you'
cause my feelings never change a bit I always feel like shit
I don't know why I guess that I just do.
you once talked to me about love and you painted pictures of a
never-neverland and I could've gone to that place
but I didn't understand
I didn't understand"
that song is like the story of my inner fucked up fears in some weird way.
not like anything about me is that inner, since all my emotions are served on plates to everyone i know.
i guess im trying to be happy right now that tomorrow is going to be 90 and i'm going to be at the beach,
but anticipation doesn't always help.
i always have this feeling of shit sitting on my shoulder when i'm bored,
or when i feel used,
or when i feel ditched,
or when i feel lonely.
but every once in a while i think
"at least i still have everything".
it's not the fact that i have nothing,
it's the fact that i'm constantly scared of everything leaving.
by that i mean people and things.
so i hold onto these reasons why people need to stay near me,
why i deserve some good things.
and then i feel like a complete pussy for writing down all of these stupid emotions,
because i hate to be that good guy. i really do,
i always make fun of stupid emotional guys,
and i'm just a stupid emotional girl.
i always imagine my future, and then i stop and realize that my fantasy's aren't possible because in my dreams i have everything, but i'm not myself.
i'm in immature emotional whipped pussy, that's myself.
and i don't mind it.
it sounds so weird to say it and not mind it, and i must look so weak,
but how can i be?
how can i be weak if i admit to my "fault" and accept it?
at least i'm not sitting here saying
"i'm so weak i can't do anything about it",
no,
fuck no. i like who i am, that's all that matters.
maybe someday that feeling in the bottom of my stomach will go away.
maybe i won't be so used to waiting for phone calls some day,
i think it's all just a big identity issue,
i need to feel wanted,
and that's the problem. i need to feel wanted or i go insane,
and i take naps when i can't take reality,
and i imagine things that never happen when i can't take reality.
i've always had this weird feeling like i'm not going to make it to 25,
i anticipate the future so much that i doubt i'll get one,
it seems like i've fantasized so much that it's actually happened.
but nothings happened,
so i keep waiting