NUMB IS AN OLD HAT
today is one of those days where the snow and loneliness combine too harshly, forming a day that blends the sadness of a sunday with the tiredness of a monday.
and it happened so quickly that i kept forgetting it was actually saturday. being held up in your house all day does weird things to you.
it makes me sit in my bed and stare at my ceiling for minutes upon minutes, thinking
"i honestly don't know what to do with myself". because boredom becomes unbearable, it becomes so frustrating because you honestly don't know what to do.
so i masturbate and take a nap.
and i watch tv shows i don't want to watch.
and i do homework that was given to me 3 weeks ago and is now due on monday and tonight was my first time touching it. and i can't finish it because it depresses me just knowing how much work i have to do within the next 36 hours.
and then once in a while i think of my girlfriend who i haven't heard from since thursday night. which isn't that bad or anything, but it doesn't make me happy that i've missed her like hell the past week.
and when no one calls all day, when no one is home all day, and when you don't get dressed all day,
the loneliness kicks in. so you try and think of people who might be thinking of you, or of people you talked to at school on friday, of people you are going to talk to on monday, or of people online.
i search profiles over and over again,
i find 23987 people on myspace and just look at pictures and shit.
and now that it's march i don't want the snow anymore. i want to think about summer, where i'll be free and happy and no coldness will stop my car from running.
and i want to go wherever whenever, and i want to not be held back from seeing my girlfriend for a week.
it doesn't help that i've been watching documentaries on the world ending and on physics who talk to the dead and reading a fucking book on the halocaust.
because i have no reason to be depressed, yet my surroundings have forced it upon me.
and my parents come back tomorrow,
and it's back to school on monday,
and maybe people will remember i exist again and i won't have this day repeat.
and it happened so quickly that i kept forgetting it was actually saturday. being held up in your house all day does weird things to you.
it makes me sit in my bed and stare at my ceiling for minutes upon minutes, thinking
"i honestly don't know what to do with myself". because boredom becomes unbearable, it becomes so frustrating because you honestly don't know what to do.
so i masturbate and take a nap.
and i watch tv shows i don't want to watch.
and i do homework that was given to me 3 weeks ago and is now due on monday and tonight was my first time touching it. and i can't finish it because it depresses me just knowing how much work i have to do within the next 36 hours.
and then once in a while i think of my girlfriend who i haven't heard from since thursday night. which isn't that bad or anything, but it doesn't make me happy that i've missed her like hell the past week.
and when no one calls all day, when no one is home all day, and when you don't get dressed all day,
the loneliness kicks in. so you try and think of people who might be thinking of you, or of people you talked to at school on friday, of people you are going to talk to on monday, or of people online.
i search profiles over and over again,
i find 23987 people on myspace and just look at pictures and shit.
and now that it's march i don't want the snow anymore. i want to think about summer, where i'll be free and happy and no coldness will stop my car from running.
and i want to go wherever whenever, and i want to not be held back from seeing my girlfriend for a week.
it doesn't help that i've been watching documentaries on the world ending and on physics who talk to the dead and reading a fucking book on the halocaust.
because i have no reason to be depressed, yet my surroundings have forced it upon me.
and my parents come back tomorrow,
and it's back to school on monday,
and maybe people will remember i exist again and i won't have this day repeat.