this isnt really as bad as it sounds

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so jeremy went to college park and i didnt want to go because i wanted to relax and work on my drawing which i really wanted to have done by this weekend but i got caught up watching tv and the second half of the incredibles which is not a movie i can just put on in the background because its just so good but that means i couldnt work on my drawing which means its not done and its really late and i need to go to bed because i have to be at work at 8 tomorrow which i dont want to deal with but i have to keep working because my couple hundred bucks a week is really helpful especially right now because jeremy told off his boss and took a new job which he didnt even have to interview for, it was already offered to him, but he has to go to four days of unpaid training which sucks and my plan to get us completely financially stable which seemed so close will be put on hold for a little while, hopefully not too long, but long enough that the immediate future seems pretty uncertain, not in a bad way, i know we'll be okay, but my plan got screwed up and i have to come up with a new one and i wish i didnt feel like tonight was a waste, even though it was really nice to just chill, but there are so many things i want to do, like clean the bathroom and go shopping and do all the laundry and finish my damn drawing but i never get around to them because i feel like i have no energy after standing on my feet at work all day and i really want to work out and get in shape but i dont have any equipment and i dont want to go to the gym because id want to drag jeremy with me but theres no way he'd survive that because of his shoulder which sucks for both of us right now and its the best thing in the world that im not a pothead because if i was we'd have NO money and because of that i dont mind being the one who has to say no all the time even to myself, but sometimes i respect the wisdom in "life is suffering" because not being able to go shopping and do lots of things now will only make me appreciate being able to do them in the future when i know we'll be able to, i just wish i could do more for other people, but anyway i have to go to bed now even though i dont want to be finished with my day and jeremy isnt home yet but im already tired which means ill fall asleep soon after i go to bed and i really need to get sleep before tomorrow because its going to be a looooong weekend and i cant find enough chill music that i want to listen to right now to justify being up so i might as well go to bed and read for a while, im between three things by the way, singer to the gods, ghosts of vesuvius and my zits comic book, and then pass out and maybe tomorrow ill be able to figure out a plan because i tried doing that today and i was a complete failure and its weird making the discovery that i feel completely useless when i cant plan things out properly first.

not even zeppelin was chill enough tonight. i need like white noise or something. i just need to go to bed.