"if i slit my throat would you pay attention to me?" - jane reynolds in divorce his
well i've had a great weekend. i went out, alot, which is about on par for normal for me but i spent only a third of what i would normally spend so i am happy with myself. i'm trying to slow down. for two reasons:
one being the fact that i hate getting trashed all the time. i mean its fun when things are happening but i get tired of going out to the same places and doing the same things in some sort of sad expensive cycle. i want new things and experiences but really its too cold to do anything else at the moment. maybe i'm just not creative enough.
two being i want to save money. i have no savings and the older i get the more this freaks me out. i'm finally almost completely out of debt and i want to be able to get a car this summer and go back to school this fall so i really need to have my finances in order.
last night i went out with jen k. and saray t. and her roommate from college amber. we all went to the gay bar and met up with paul and his friend kathy. we were barely there when sarah t. and amber were escorted out of the place for being underage, which is weird because i have never heard of that at the gay bar. i mean seriously. i'm been going there for over three years and now (a few times when i was underage) and have snuck in underage friends tons. i was sad she had to leave cause i rarely get to see her but she found other fun things to do.
the drag show was actually really good as opposed to some nights when its a big ole snoozefest. jenna did a great mariah carey medley that consisted solely of fantasy and always be my baby. hunter did some nsync which was a big hit with the lezzies.
kellie came out with her sisters stephanie and jessica and they brought their significant others. they're great fun and lots of dancing was had by all.
i ran into travis t., whom i have a giant secret (well not so secret now) crush on. i went up to him and we chatted for a bit hugged and then this:
me: i must confess i have a huge crush on you.
him: aw.
me: you're just so cute.
him: well you're very attractive yourself
then we chatted a bit more hugged and parted. i'm so torn about what to do as far as my boy drama is concerned. paul and i are in a good place, not where i want us to be, but its good. i have from him all he can offer right now, which i sadly feel is almost not enough. i love him and i really am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work but i can't help that i am ready to just find that one person and settle down. all my friends are getting married and settling down. i want that. i want to come home and find someone here. i want to wake up to the same person every morning and do all that shitty annoying stupid shit serious couples do. i'm not saying i want to be married but i want something that i know will lead to something more that in turn might turn into even something more. and with paul i just ask myself sometimes "how much longer can this last before i lose it again?"
ugh but then again i'm just beating a dead horse.
today i spent with paul. we got up and met his sister and kathy for brunch then went and got pedicures together and did some window shopping. after that we lounged around in bed and watched tv. we just wasted the whole day and made out fooled around. it was perfect. i was completely content and happy. i want today everyday, which i knoe i cannot have.
this week i've got a full beginning of the week and then empty end. i have my very first therapy appointment tomorrow, which may or may not be a good thing. i've never been before but feel like with so much going on in my life it would be nice to just have someone to talk to who isn't "in" on everything. eh. we'll see.
tuesday i'm meeting nathan p. for a movie (platonic). i think we're going to see he's just not that into you, which i am so excited to see. i love love love gennifer goodwin.
i'm going to try and write in here everyday. nothing exciting i'm sure but something to pass the time and document my goings on. i forget sometimes, what with all the partying.
one being the fact that i hate getting trashed all the time. i mean its fun when things are happening but i get tired of going out to the same places and doing the same things in some sort of sad expensive cycle. i want new things and experiences but really its too cold to do anything else at the moment. maybe i'm just not creative enough.
two being i want to save money. i have no savings and the older i get the more this freaks me out. i'm finally almost completely out of debt and i want to be able to get a car this summer and go back to school this fall so i really need to have my finances in order.
last night i went out with jen k. and saray t. and her roommate from college amber. we all went to the gay bar and met up with paul and his friend kathy. we were barely there when sarah t. and amber were escorted out of the place for being underage, which is weird because i have never heard of that at the gay bar. i mean seriously. i'm been going there for over three years and now (a few times when i was underage) and have snuck in underage friends tons. i was sad she had to leave cause i rarely get to see her but she found other fun things to do.
the drag show was actually really good as opposed to some nights when its a big ole snoozefest. jenna did a great mariah carey medley that consisted solely of fantasy and always be my baby. hunter did some nsync which was a big hit with the lezzies.
kellie came out with her sisters stephanie and jessica and they brought their significant others. they're great fun and lots of dancing was had by all.
i ran into travis t., whom i have a giant secret (well not so secret now) crush on. i went up to him and we chatted for a bit hugged and then this:
me: i must confess i have a huge crush on you.
him: aw.
me: you're just so cute.
him: well you're very attractive yourself
then we chatted a bit more hugged and parted. i'm so torn about what to do as far as my boy drama is concerned. paul and i are in a good place, not where i want us to be, but its good. i have from him all he can offer right now, which i sadly feel is almost not enough. i love him and i really am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work but i can't help that i am ready to just find that one person and settle down. all my friends are getting married and settling down. i want that. i want to come home and find someone here. i want to wake up to the same person every morning and do all that shitty annoying stupid shit serious couples do. i'm not saying i want to be married but i want something that i know will lead to something more that in turn might turn into even something more. and with paul i just ask myself sometimes "how much longer can this last before i lose it again?"
ugh but then again i'm just beating a dead horse.
today i spent with paul. we got up and met his sister and kathy for brunch then went and got pedicures together and did some window shopping. after that we lounged around in bed and watched tv. we just wasted the whole day and made out fooled around. it was perfect. i was completely content and happy. i want today everyday, which i knoe i cannot have.
this week i've got a full beginning of the week and then empty end. i have my very first therapy appointment tomorrow, which may or may not be a good thing. i've never been before but feel like with so much going on in my life it would be nice to just have someone to talk to who isn't "in" on everything. eh. we'll see.
tuesday i'm meeting nathan p. for a movie (platonic). i think we're going to see he's just not that into you, which i am so excited to see. i love love love gennifer goodwin.
i'm going to try and write in here everyday. nothing exciting i'm sure but something to pass the time and document my goings on. i forget sometimes, what with all the partying.