From the old files: The HappyBot, a press release
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
New Miniature Robot Runs on Happiness
Worcester, MA, August 9 - Researchers at Frivolous Labs have created a working prototype of a small, mobile robot that runs on the happiness of its owner.
“Have you ever had a day so great that you just thought you would burst? Now you can do something with that happiness - the HappyBot channels excess euphoria directly into mechanical energy,” explains lead researcher Maria Perkins. “Our revolutionary sympathetic generators ensure that the robot runs without actually reducing your happiness.”
Sitting in a psionically sealed room to shield it from the bubbling smugness of the research team, the HappyBot looks unremarkable. Its spindly body is surrounded by a network of clockwork gears and assorted shiny bits. Two large eyes run on a separate Cute Generator to increase consumer appeal. The model is bipedal, with two stubby arms and no discernible head. An old-fashioned alarm clock bell sits atop the unit, and there appears to be a slide whistle peering out from behind the robot’s body.
So what does the HappyBot actually do when given access to its unique energy source? Maria warns me before they open the isolation chamber: “Don’t get startled and kick it or anything. It has some trouble getting up after it’s been knocked over.” And with that, the door swings wide.
Cheery anticipation comes off the research team in waves, and the HappyBot leaps several inches straight into the air, all its gears spinning to life at once. When it hits the ground, it blinks, its bell rings, and it begins running with an improbable hopping gait, nearly tripping over itself in its hurry to greet the researchers with waving arms and flapping shiny bits. It skitters around the room, pausing only to leap and let off comic whistling noises. In a transport of enthusiasm it makes the jump onto a nearby staircase. The research team takes a collective breath, fearing that it will damage itself. Suddenly robbed of some of its precious energy, the HappyBot spins around, trying to figure out how to get back off the step. The problem seems insoluble until the team lead steps forward and gently lets it onto the ground again. Back in familiar territory, the robot begins to improvise a dance.
The HappyBot is enchanting to watch - but what use is it?
“It sets up a positive feedback loop for good moods,” explains Maria. “You’re happy. Suddenly you have a manic shiny companion who’s happy, too. And that makes you happier. It just keeps going. This energy could be used further down the road to run more traditional electromechanical applications - we could put our HappyBots to work.”
So the lab intends to create a slave race of mindless but adorable robots? Maria shrugs off the question. “We prefer to think of it as really upbeat involuntary servitude.”
Frivolous Labs hopes to put the HappyBot into production by the end of the year. “Our original design was only a proof of concept for the sympathetic generators - but then we saw what we were building. It’s got spinny bits! There’s no way we could keep this off the market.”