Idle Musings ..
So last week I found out that someone who I consider to be someone close lied to me. Not out of spite (I assume), but due to other reasons. This set me off on a tear ..
I came to a few conclusions:
I remember when I was hated and despised in my youth. People didn't bother lying to me (they were brutally honest about how they felt about/towards me).
Next, I opened up, developed some social skills, gained some confidence, self-respect, and overcame many psychological demons. I was liked and (I assume) respected by my peers. However, people began to lie to me.
Many years passed .. I was generally regarded as a "nice guy" .. and people continued to lie to me .. my family, my friends, and even those that I was involved with romantically (some of which professed "love" for me)
Following one long relationship (and a year's worth of lies, manipulation, and confusion), I heartfully decided to "Not Give a Fuck" (tm) .. I became somewhat of an Uber Asshole, and while I was not intentially cruel, I was that "Likeable Bastard" .. but no one bothered to lie to me.
After a time, I finally grew past my demons and drama, and returned to acting and behaving with a mentality that is much more positive, and one that I personally prefer. Again, friends, family, and my "love" all lied to and attempted to manipulate me once more. However, experience had made me a lot more observant and discerning (Psych classes helped) and I was at least aware of it the majority (if not all) of the time.
Now .. here I sit, pondering this revelation. It seems as if when people care about someone, instead of engaging in truth (especially when it's ugly) .. they tend to attempt to lie or manipulate those that must be gullable because they are nice .. and as we all know, nice people have no guile.
I can't decide if it's some twisted notion of "greater good," "sparing someone's feelings," or just downright cowardice.
This may be conceited, but I'm fucking brilliant. I'm also not a damn china doll. I believe (and tend to engage in) brutal honesty as much as possible, except when I'm too much of a coward and I slip due to "sparing feelings" or avoiding "awkward conversations" or being "non-confrontational" ..
However, people continue to insult each other by naturally assuming that people take everything at face value .. or by assuming that "feelings" or "good" are served through deception.
It is a beautiful irony.
I would love to make a vow concerning honesty .. but I know that it would be fruitless. I make mistakes, and unless you ask me a direct question (and sometimes even then .. especially if it concerns emotions and/or feelings) I may hedge or dodge the truth.
I wonder if being aware of the tendency and striving to overcome outweighs hypocracy. If I find myself in the 8th Circle of Dante's Inferno, that might answer my question.
Just do me one small favor: If you are a friend, family, or loving one, don't bother lying to me .. I know it as soon as it happens, and my feelings (mostly anger and a sense of betrayal) will be much worse than the cold honest truth. Trust me.
If you aren't a friend, family, or loving one .. why the fuck would you bother lying to me? What are my feelings to you? Unless of course it is YOUR feelings that you are afraid of .. in which case you should ask yourself what you are afraid of? Obviously not being a damn coward ..
Life is too damn short for games and bullshit. Try being honest with one another, you might be surprised to see all the flotsom start to drop out of your world, and you will probably feel a touch better (at least) with yourself.
Of course, this seems like somewhat of a utopian ideal ..
Anyway .. I'd rather end on a positive note. The lightbulb moment that brought me great happiness and brightened up my mood considerably that evening (and still now):
I know why men/women gravitate towards assholes/bitches .. (more women than men, but my experiences cloud any difinitive ratio).
From my persnal experience (and from speaking/counseling many others) .. I realized that people that will attempt to lie, manipulate, and game you more often when you are "nice." Why? Well, guilt is a strong motivator .. no one wants to hurt anyone's "feelings."
The women that I have loved (or thought I loved) who I attempted to be kind, open, and foward with? Every last one ultimately lied to me, cheated on me, and/or attempted to manipulate me in some manner. Some of them even had "my best interests" at heart, supposedly.
However, during a few periods of time that I was "involved" or "dating" women with no commitment, acting like a royal asshole (because "I Don't Give a Fuck") and generally treating them worse that they deserved, they didn't bother to lie to me.
People like to date bitches/assholes because there is no guilt associated with it. It's liberating! You don't have to play games, lie, or feel bad about your actions or consequences .. because they're an asshole! Who cares about hurting thier feelings? This mentality is reinforced when conflict arises:
"Yea, I'm sleeping with someone else." ..
a. "Good!"
b. "And I care why?"
c. "No shit .. so am I!"
d. "You know what? I don't care."
Well .. that's enough hubris for one evening. Let truth roam free! (And I welcome confrontational questions from anyone brave enough to venture .. there's a damn good chance you'll get the truth in return)
I came to a few conclusions:
I remember when I was hated and despised in my youth. People didn't bother lying to me (they were brutally honest about how they felt about/towards me).
Next, I opened up, developed some social skills, gained some confidence, self-respect, and overcame many psychological demons. I was liked and (I assume) respected by my peers. However, people began to lie to me.
Many years passed .. I was generally regarded as a "nice guy" .. and people continued to lie to me .. my family, my friends, and even those that I was involved with romantically (some of which professed "love" for me)
Following one long relationship (and a year's worth of lies, manipulation, and confusion), I heartfully decided to "Not Give a Fuck" (tm) .. I became somewhat of an Uber Asshole, and while I was not intentially cruel, I was that "Likeable Bastard" .. but no one bothered to lie to me.
After a time, I finally grew past my demons and drama, and returned to acting and behaving with a mentality that is much more positive, and one that I personally prefer. Again, friends, family, and my "love" all lied to and attempted to manipulate me once more. However, experience had made me a lot more observant and discerning (Psych classes helped) and I was at least aware of it the majority (if not all) of the time.
Now .. here I sit, pondering this revelation. It seems as if when people care about someone, instead of engaging in truth (especially when it's ugly) .. they tend to attempt to lie or manipulate those that must be gullable because they are nice .. and as we all know, nice people have no guile.
I can't decide if it's some twisted notion of "greater good," "sparing someone's feelings," or just downright cowardice.
This may be conceited, but I'm fucking brilliant. I'm also not a damn china doll. I believe (and tend to engage in) brutal honesty as much as possible, except when I'm too much of a coward and I slip due to "sparing feelings" or avoiding "awkward conversations" or being "non-confrontational" ..
However, people continue to insult each other by naturally assuming that people take everything at face value .. or by assuming that "feelings" or "good" are served through deception.
It is a beautiful irony.
I would love to make a vow concerning honesty .. but I know that it would be fruitless. I make mistakes, and unless you ask me a direct question (and sometimes even then .. especially if it concerns emotions and/or feelings) I may hedge or dodge the truth.
I wonder if being aware of the tendency and striving to overcome outweighs hypocracy. If I find myself in the 8th Circle of Dante's Inferno, that might answer my question.
Just do me one small favor: If you are a friend, family, or loving one, don't bother lying to me .. I know it as soon as it happens, and my feelings (mostly anger and a sense of betrayal) will be much worse than the cold honest truth. Trust me.
If you aren't a friend, family, or loving one .. why the fuck would you bother lying to me? What are my feelings to you? Unless of course it is YOUR feelings that you are afraid of .. in which case you should ask yourself what you are afraid of? Obviously not being a damn coward ..
Life is too damn short for games and bullshit. Try being honest with one another, you might be surprised to see all the flotsom start to drop out of your world, and you will probably feel a touch better (at least) with yourself.
Of course, this seems like somewhat of a utopian ideal ..
Anyway .. I'd rather end on a positive note. The lightbulb moment that brought me great happiness and brightened up my mood considerably that evening (and still now):
I know why men/women gravitate towards assholes/bitches .. (more women than men, but my experiences cloud any difinitive ratio).
From my persnal experience (and from speaking/counseling many others) .. I realized that people that will attempt to lie, manipulate, and game you more often when you are "nice." Why? Well, guilt is a strong motivator .. no one wants to hurt anyone's "feelings."
The women that I have loved (or thought I loved) who I attempted to be kind, open, and foward with? Every last one ultimately lied to me, cheated on me, and/or attempted to manipulate me in some manner. Some of them even had "my best interests" at heart, supposedly.
However, during a few periods of time that I was "involved" or "dating" women with no commitment, acting like a royal asshole (because "I Don't Give a Fuck") and generally treating them worse that they deserved, they didn't bother to lie to me.
People like to date bitches/assholes because there is no guilt associated with it. It's liberating! You don't have to play games, lie, or feel bad about your actions or consequences .. because they're an asshole! Who cares about hurting thier feelings? This mentality is reinforced when conflict arises:
"Yea, I'm sleeping with someone else." ..
a. "Good!"
b. "And I care why?"
c. "No shit .. so am I!"
d. "You know what? I don't care."
Well .. that's enough hubris for one evening. Let truth roam free! (And I welcome confrontational questions from anyone brave enough to venture .. there's a damn good chance you'll get the truth in return)