(no subject)
It just doesn't feel like christmas. Everything is changing this year. For one, I wasn't going absolutely crazy today with church. And i complained about being so busy, having to run from chimes to choir to the play to bells and back, but i wouldn't trade it for the world. And i went from doing everything to doing nothing. I felt like i didn't belong. but then we had a reunion for all the college kids in between services, although i didn't feel like i fit in well there either. It just seems that the only place i really fit in at right now is UNH. Maybe its just me overreacting, but i don't know. I guess i just don't have the christmas spirit this year. And im the worst friend ever. But that one doesn't need explaining. I just wish i could have spent christmas with friends old and new, since everything about how i celebrate christmas is changing, I might as well just add that too. Although, our 502 Christmas celebration was pretty exciting...and our christmas tree was the best EVER- especially with deborah's beautiful decorations. And my cousin had her baby on tuesday i think out in ohio, so my aunt went out there and we always have christmas at her house so that's going to be different and cristina isn't going to be here which i don't like which means her sister michelle probably won't come, which leaves my family, my gramma and my other aunt and cousins after they are done at their inlaws house. Not that im really complaining. I mean I love all of my family, Im just not ok with change, especially with traditions. And we aren't having everyone give everyone presents- its just gift certificates and that's it. To me that just isn't the same. Although me saying that is kinda hypocritical cuz i didn't get anyone anything, but still. I feel like it just isn't christmas without giving. And i know that also sounds selfish, because christmas is supposed to be about jesus and the the spirit of family, but the commercial part has a lot to do with it now, and it is what gets most people in the spirit of christmas. And then on the way home from the late service at church my mom asked me to help her set up presents under the tree. NO!!! i don't want to know whats going to be under the tree. Just because i know that santa doesn't exist, I don't want to ruin the whole surprise factor of the gifts under the tree and trying to guess what the boxes are and all that stuff. My mom has been doing this ever since i told her i didnt believe in santa. She has been telling me what she bought and asking me to buy the stuff i want in my stocking and ill put it in...i don't want any part of the "santa" playing. I still want to be surprised like any other kid wants. O well. I hope that tomorrow brings out the Christmas spirit in me. Merry Christmas everyone...or happy hannukah if you are jewish (it starts tomorrow at sundown...thats one crazy day for the half jewish half christian kids like me!!!0