I am so upset
Hello... Just another dramatic couple of days in Jay Maine as usual.... Yesterday I went with James and Crystal to Walmart and I ended up getting my hair butchered, then dying it light brown dirty blonde it looks ridiculous.... ha ha thats what I get for messing with it... Oh well right... Well anyways before we got our hair cut James Crystal and I went out to eat at the Fourtain Fountain gotta admit the food was great!!... James treated me out to eat like always what a surprise.... Then I went and dropped Crystal off with James at her house. James and I ended up getting in an argument when we were at his house for the first time in a long time I am so upset by this... The argument was so stupid though first it was about soemthing personal then it was my fault because I tried to help him like always but like I always do I fucked everything up for him, I always mess his life up, I have ruined his entire life in the past two years. I wrecked his brand new car last winter, before that he got kicked out of the livein program which was the only thing he ever wanted while he attended college. I do not deserve him.... He is so much better then I am ... I am really hurt that we are progressing our relationship backwards again we had gotten so far forward and all the sudden it is going bad.... agggghhhhh why does shitty stuff always happen to me... Don't get me wrong James is my life, I would be nothing without him, he does everything for me and soemtimes I am a little ungrateful and I know that I am and I am sorry... I just want James to know that if he reads this I love him more then anything in the world and I am so , so sorry for ruining his life maybe right now the best thing is that I give him space maybe he can make soemthing better out of his life then what I am providing him with....