well...

[brie1114]

I went through my nyssma solo again today. It went better but I'm still kinda freaking out, cause that's just me! I hate getting all stressed out about that crap. I really wanna do well, I need to do well, for myself, I need to prove that I can do it. I'm tired of crapping out all the time and then feeling bad that I couldn't get it done so this time I'm actually gonna go through with it and we're gonna see what happens I suppose. I'm getting to the end of school now and stressing about that as usual. I can't believe it's almost over, I mean I can't wait but...ya know...everything has been really weird lately and my thoughts have been insane, I don't even now where I'm at right now, everything is just so...fucked up...I think is the only way to describe it allthough it's not the most articulate. I've just been thinking about everything and psychoanalyzing everything and that always makes it worse. Man ya'll know it's bad when I break out the country music...

There's a chance I could change my mind
But I won't, not till you decide
What you want, what you need
Do you even care if I stay or leave?
What's it gonna be?

How far do I have to go to make you understand?
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far...