(no subject)

[brickwallviews]

today has been the hardest day by far. We all knew that this is what it was going to come down to and no matter how prepared you can be, you just break down. Everyone was crying, even grandpa, who never shows emotion. Dad too....he was crying all afternoon, he thanked me for being there. My grandma has been sick for the past couple years, with a terminal disease, im not excatly sure the name, but its a combination of Dimensia, Alzheimers and Lou Gherig's disease. She pretty much is a vegstable. She cant really talk, she just moans, cant swallow and can barely move her arms. Today they had an ambulance bring her from her house to a hospice, where she is going to pass. Its days now...it could turn to weeks...but no one knows...its just something we have to wait out. Ive never had anyone this close to me die either. I cried for a good portion of the afternoon, Its so hard to see someone you love so much, suffer in such a horrible way. I was her first grandchild and from that, was of course the favorite. I used to go out with them all the time, atleast once a week, and lived with them for 5 months. I went on vacations with them. I love her so much. She does not deserve this. Its going to be so fucking hard to do this every day for the next who knows how long. I might not even go back to school on time sunday....we'll see...

This is pain that ive never felt before.

You were always the best to me
Back rubs while watching tv
The drive from denver to aspen
To watching sampras at the us open
With your loving heart and caring soul
I know youll be ok when you go
I love so much, I hope it showed
You taught me so much
How to live a full life
How to care for your family
And friends alike

* not done*

I need someone, a person to talk to.
Someone who cares to love...could it be you?