Reminiscing and a peek inside my monkey brain

[brickhousewench]

I’ve been reading old Live Journal entries again this week. I started a tagging project a couple weeks ago. I’m working on going back and tagging old entries so it’s a little bit easier for me to find things when I go hunting for them. And this week, my Dilbert-a-day calendar had Pointy Haired Boss say something that made me think about Bossy

Comments

[kass_rants]

ENTJ = same thing, only I'm an extrovert. I'm incredibly introspective and self-analytical. I was even told by a doctor that I had a very good grip on who I was and what made me that way. I think this is one of the big reasons I like you -- there ain't no bullshit. You are who you are. You like who you are. You own who you are. And if someone doesn't like that? There are more people in the world who will like you. And I feel the same

[brickhousewench]

They asked him what it was like to be turning 40, and he said it was great because he didn't have to be a boy anymore; he could finally be a man.

That's a great line. I can see why it stuck with you.

I found the article about the distinction between Nice and Kind to be pretty interesting. Especially when you think about how many times we, as women, have been told that we should be "nice girls" (I.e. doormats)?

[kass_rants]

I must have gotten really lucky growing up, because I don't remember being admonished to "be nice" much at all. I don't know if this was purposeful on the part of my mother, or if she just never found the need (I was a pretty friendly kid). I often wonder if it didn't have a lot to do with being "The Last of the McGanns" as it were (the only child of an only child of an only child). It may have given me a kind of honourary son-hood. I was expected to do great things and bring pride to the family name, and no one tells the son and heir to "be nice", you know?

Looking back on it now, I'm so happy I didn't get those messages. I think it's made me who I am.

[brickhousewench]

I don't know if my mother actually used the exact words "be a nice girl." But I do distinctly remember being told that I had a "strong personality" and needed to tone it down. Unless I wanted to end up like my Aunt (divorced and single, the implication being that was a fate worse than death. It's not.) This is the same aunt who climbed telephone poles for a living and rode a motorcycle. If that aunt weren't also a hoarder, I wouldn't mind too much ending up like her.

[kass_rants]

I'm finding this conversation so interesting! I hope you don't think I'm beating a dead horse. I mean, my parents weren't hippies out to raise their daughter equitably or anything, but clearly I got different signals than you did growing up. You see, I got encouraged to be the crazy aunt with the weird job and no husband (at least until I was in college, and then suddenly my Mum starting singing, "Why don't you find a nice guy who can take care of you?" which was a complete reversal from everything she'd said to me for the first 18 years of my life). I even got, "Go out there and beat 'em. Get 'em. Win the prize. Take the cake. Do the thing and beat everyone else." I can honestly say that the only thing my parents ever told me I shouldn't do because boys wouldn't like me is ask them out. And call them on the phone, but I didn't listen

[brickhousewench]

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the messages I got when I was growing up. For a long time I thought I was raised by a couple of progressive, liberal, feminist parents. Then I actually looked at my parents. My DAD was the feminist. He was the one on the board of directors at Planned Parenthood. He was the one with the subscription to Ms. Magazine. He was the one raising me like the son he never had. My mother was busy telling me to tone it down, fit in, get a boyfriend, lose weight, basically be less than I was. And worse, when I was being bullied, instead of defending me, she told me it was my fault because I was fun to tease and that I should just not react and they'd stop

[kass_rants]

I've often said I was raised my Sesame Street more than anything. =)