(no subject)
i wish i could put on paper the meaningful words i repeat to myself in my head.
some kind of living testiment to everything ive accomplished.
a myth was made up about a bird that when it dies its rebord through its ashes.
i feel like i keep doing that
rebirthing myself over and over until i got it right.
im still not there.
in a few months im shipping off
going to live my life
its something i have to do, something a voice inside me wont let go
thinking about it brings tears to my eyes
but i cant explain what theyre for
remorse? over what
this piece of shit town
a million fake friends
false sense of vindication?
definatly not
fear maybe?
maybe im afraid to really leave this place because its the only home ive known
i have spent the last year isolating myself and causing distractions with endless numbers of drugs.
ive tried drawing, writing, rhyming, and sports
now i feel like this bulk of creativity has no medium to be unleashed in
why am i blessed with such thoughts if i cant share them.
i feel myself becoming more silent.
now thats what really scares me.
i just want everything to be okay
i dont want anything else anymore
i just want to make it
i just want that courage im so well known for not to give out when i need it most
i dotn want my confidence to buckle at the most important choice ill ever make
i keep seeing these visions of me holding up martinis and smiling
but i cent see the road from here to there anymore
its so vacant
i sat on my roof this morning and watched the sunrise
it was the first time i have ever doen that in my life
if things are so much better then why do i feel so much worse
i feel like i abandoned the things i really want
and now its way too late in the game to start trying for them again
i think thats why i want to be a soldier
because for most of my life i have been one already
going to war with life all by myself
walking on all alone with a stiff upper lip
determination in my eyes
fuck teh world attitude
typical agnst
and now i see myself just falling apart at the seams
like i was fatally wounded and im holding my insides from coming out
trying to run a mile like that
so why is it only now, that i loose control
loose that perfect im steve young i have more esteem than anybody motif
now that im at my most vunerable
i find myself clinging to things that keep me safe
close friends, people i want to know more, my mother
the last few characters i'll see
if you acctually read this good for you
you care
im really just weeping for the end of my childhood.
and the begining of my adulthood.
some kind of living testiment to everything ive accomplished.
a myth was made up about a bird that when it dies its rebord through its ashes.
i feel like i keep doing that
rebirthing myself over and over until i got it right.
im still not there.
in a few months im shipping off
going to live my life
its something i have to do, something a voice inside me wont let go
thinking about it brings tears to my eyes
but i cant explain what theyre for
remorse? over what
this piece of shit town
a million fake friends
false sense of vindication?
definatly not
fear maybe?
maybe im afraid to really leave this place because its the only home ive known
i have spent the last year isolating myself and causing distractions with endless numbers of drugs.
ive tried drawing, writing, rhyming, and sports
now i feel like this bulk of creativity has no medium to be unleashed in
why am i blessed with such thoughts if i cant share them.
i feel myself becoming more silent.
now thats what really scares me.
i just want everything to be okay
i dont want anything else anymore
i just want to make it
i just want that courage im so well known for not to give out when i need it most
i dotn want my confidence to buckle at the most important choice ill ever make
i keep seeing these visions of me holding up martinis and smiling
but i cent see the road from here to there anymore
its so vacant
i sat on my roof this morning and watched the sunrise
it was the first time i have ever doen that in my life
if things are so much better then why do i feel so much worse
i feel like i abandoned the things i really want
and now its way too late in the game to start trying for them again
i think thats why i want to be a soldier
because for most of my life i have been one already
going to war with life all by myself
walking on all alone with a stiff upper lip
determination in my eyes
fuck teh world attitude
typical agnst
and now i see myself just falling apart at the seams
like i was fatally wounded and im holding my insides from coming out
trying to run a mile like that
so why is it only now, that i loose control
loose that perfect im steve young i have more esteem than anybody motif
now that im at my most vunerable
i find myself clinging to things that keep me safe
close friends, people i want to know more, my mother
the last few characters i'll see
if you acctually read this good for you
you care
im really just weeping for the end of my childhood.
and the begining of my adulthood.