More Distractions
Note: My fingers and brain are not as agile as they usually are due to the lack of sleep. I apologize ahead of time for bad grammer (worse than usual, that is) and horrible spelling.
Well, I took the liberty of looking back on a few entries from last semester and I was rather suprised to find how insightful most of my thoughts were. Maybe that sounds conceited and I'm sorry if it does, but my mind was just blown away. I know I think and write childishly at times, but some of the stuff I have to say was actually worth reading. Most of my stuff are rants, though. But the non-hateful, non-judgemental ones are rather quite nice and entertaining. Does that statement mean I'm inflating my ego? (what little of it I have) o.o
I've noticed that I might indeed have a very large ego, which was previously unknown to me. When you're in dire need of a helping hand and have crawled into a hole you cannot get out of on your own, it is usual for you to ask for help, is it not? Well I have this thing called pride where I refuse to acknowledge my downfalls and flaws, and ESPECIALLY refuse to let others know. This secrecy is a terrible thing to have. I find that if I think about it, there are many many things I do not tell people. I have problems - we all do. I just don't tell people about them and allow them to think that I'm this wonderfully crazy chick that likes to make friends with other wonderfully crazy people.
... maybe I hang out with them because they're the only ones that will accept me, although deep down I know that's not true. I like how they can understand me and my wierdness (well actually, I have to hide different parts of me from each person).
But there's just a lot of things I'm ashamed of or don't want people to know about because I fear they'll never look at me the same again.
Sometimes I wonder where I'll be in 5 years if I keep up my behavior.
I was even thinking of creating a poetry rap about how the people on the streets aren't much different than you or me. "Gotta get good grades - make some A's. Don't let them make me a statistic."
It scares me - seeing so many homeless people in Milwaukee. I don't want to end up like them, but at the same time a little voice inside of me thinks 'Well hey, if that's the worst they can give you, it isn't that bad. Besides, you don't have to work hard! Plus I'm sure you can use your looks to get you a job or two if you really need it."
Isn't that a HORRIBLE thing to think?
I know you might be thinking I'm conceited now that I mentioned my looks, but I'm just done denying that people think I'm attractive. Well, at least my face. Not too sure about my personality, but given what my friends constantly tell me (especially Eli and Chrissy), I am in no way unattractive and am in fact above average. So there. I said it. Just don't spread it around, okay? I don't want to turn into an attention-grubbing made-up girl. I mean, I DO crave attention, but it's mostly attention gained from laughter and bad jokes and the companionship you get when it's just you and a friend talking about your life and relating to each other (I love it when you find out later you were wrapped into the conversation for hours~).
Anyways, I should get back to studying. It's been nice bearing my crazies and my sould out in this journal again. Usually I use poetry or art as an outlet, but writing something other than poems is nice, too.
Ciao~
Well, I took the liberty of looking back on a few entries from last semester and I was rather suprised to find how insightful most of my thoughts were. Maybe that sounds conceited and I'm sorry if it does, but my mind was just blown away. I know I think and write childishly at times, but some of the stuff I have to say was actually worth reading. Most of my stuff are rants, though. But the non-hateful, non-judgemental ones are rather quite nice and entertaining. Does that statement mean I'm inflating my ego? (what little of it I have) o.o
I've noticed that I might indeed have a very large ego, which was previously unknown to me. When you're in dire need of a helping hand and have crawled into a hole you cannot get out of on your own, it is usual for you to ask for help, is it not? Well I have this thing called pride where I refuse to acknowledge my downfalls and flaws, and ESPECIALLY refuse to let others know. This secrecy is a terrible thing to have. I find that if I think about it, there are many many things I do not tell people. I have problems - we all do. I just don't tell people about them and allow them to think that I'm this wonderfully crazy chick that likes to make friends with other wonderfully crazy people.
... maybe I hang out with them because they're the only ones that will accept me, although deep down I know that's not true. I like how they can understand me and my wierdness (well actually, I have to hide different parts of me from each person).
But there's just a lot of things I'm ashamed of or don't want people to know about because I fear they'll never look at me the same again.
Sometimes I wonder where I'll be in 5 years if I keep up my behavior.
I was even thinking of creating a poetry rap about how the people on the streets aren't much different than you or me. "Gotta get good grades - make some A's. Don't let them make me a statistic."
It scares me - seeing so many homeless people in Milwaukee. I don't want to end up like them, but at the same time a little voice inside of me thinks 'Well hey, if that's the worst they can give you, it isn't that bad. Besides, you don't have to work hard! Plus I'm sure you can use your looks to get you a job or two if you really need it."
Isn't that a HORRIBLE thing to think?
I know you might be thinking I'm conceited now that I mentioned my looks, but I'm just done denying that people think I'm attractive. Well, at least my face. Not too sure about my personality, but given what my friends constantly tell me (especially Eli and Chrissy), I am in no way unattractive and am in fact above average. So there. I said it. Just don't spread it around, okay? I don't want to turn into an attention-grubbing made-up girl. I mean, I DO crave attention, but it's mostly attention gained from laughter and bad jokes and the companionship you get when it's just you and a friend talking about your life and relating to each other (I love it when you find out later you were wrapped into the conversation for hours~).
Anyways, I should get back to studying. It's been nice bearing my crazies and my sould out in this journal again. Usually I use poetry or art as an outlet, but writing something other than poems is nice, too.
Ciao~