Part Three
Part Two
October 27th, 2017
Albuquerque, New Mexico
When Ryan finally left Chad's apartment at ten that morning, after a second round of pretty awesome sex, he was in full freakout mode. It was not exactly proper for one to have a major fight with one's boyfriend, then attend one's ten year high school reunion, meet up with one's high school ex-boyfriend, and then get drunk with said ex-boyfriend and then sleep with him.
...Twice.
This wasn't a Judd Apatow movie. Especially since it was unlikely that Judd Apatow would make a good movie about two gay men.
Oh God. James was going to kill him. Kelsi was going to kill him. Chad was going to kill him when he realized that Ryan hadn't meant it at all.
Except maybe he did mean it, a little bit.
Okay, seriously?
Ryan was going to rot in hell.
Ryan Evans to Kelsi Nielson, Sharpay Evans
10-26-2017
12:16PM
Meet me at sbux on acorn st? Emergency!!!!!
Kelsi Nielson to Ryan Evans
10-26-2017
12:17PM
i think i already know what this will be about... meet u in 5
Sharpay Evans to Ryan Evans
10-26-2017
12:19PM
b right there. also thx 4 acknowledging i exist
The Starbucks on Acorn and Thornton was relatively unchanged and familiar, or at least as familiar as a corporate franchise can be, anyway. It was the one Ryan and Sharpay had popped into every morning during high school for lattes, and where Ryan had met the first guy he'd ever been on a date with (Stephen, tenth grade--it had ended not so much terribly as awkwardly). Now it was where Ryan sat with an untouched iced coffee by his wrist as he nervously ran his fingers along the brim of his dark green fedora, which, for once, was in his hands rather than on his head.
"This better be good." Sharpay's voice was affectionate but laced with sarcasm as she sat down in the seat next to him. A furry Shih Tzu--Gurl, a replacement for Boi who had died two years prior--peeked out from the enormous yellow tote that Sharpay set on the ground.
"Sharpie?" said a tired-sounding barista over the intercom. Sharpay ignored it. Ryan smirked.
"Hey, Shar. How's it going?"
"Sharp...aye?"
Sharpay took a deep breath and stood up. "I'll be better after I get my coffee." A moment and a rather loud confrontation later Sharpay had gone and returned with a grande latte (with soy milk and one and a half Splenda, if Ryan knew his sister).
She sat down and her expression transformed into seriousness. "Okay. Tell me. Deets. Now."
"We have to wait for Kelsi."
Sharpay raised her eyebrows in surprise. If Ryan was correct, Sharpay (who had refused to come to a single reunion event) hadn't seen Kelsi in about as long as Ryan had seen Chad. Well, before last night anyway. Ryan wondered if he should warn Sharpay that Kelsi was no longer the tiny meek mouse she'd been in high school--
Kelsi always had been impressively good at timing.
"Hey guys! What song is this?" She nodded her head up at the speaker playing moody coffee shop music above them as she pulled out a chair and sat.
Ryan shrugged, grinning. "Hey, Kels. What's up? Anything new in your life?" They'd always asked this upon seeing each other, ever since they'd been at Juilliard, since at that point they saw each other multiple times every day.
Kelsi beamed back, rolling her eyes, and then turned to Sharpay. "Hey Sharpay! How are you?"
Sharpay's mouth dropped open. Kelsi had never directly greeted Sharpay in her life. But Kelsi was a grown-up version of herself, not to mention the twenty-eight-year-old winner of a Tony for best musical. She wasn't exactly scared of people like Sharpay anymore. She had to deal with them every day of her life.
Ryan smirked and Sharpay's gaze flickered between him and then back to Kelsi's open, warm face. Finally she settled on a confused and simple but short "hi" before she took a long sip of her drink.
Kelsi turned to Ryan, exchanging a sly look with him. "What's up, Ryan? Why'd you want to meet us?"
"Okay... so you know how Chad and I sort of had a date last night?"
"What?" blurted out Sharpay. "You didn't tell me that!"
"It was kind of sudden," admitted Ryan. He rubbed the back of his neck. He had a major headache although he really hadn't had as much to drink as he'd pretended. "Kelsi and I saw him in the crowd at some assembly the high school had... and then we had dinner at Pizza Express--"
"No!" Sharpay interjected, gasping.
Ryan nodded solemnly as he continued, "And then we went to a bar. And... I ended up sleepingwithhim."
It was Kelsi's turn to gasp, although if Ryan didn't know better hers might have seemed a little sarcastic. "You had sex with him?"
"Yup." Ryan heaved a deep sigh. "I cheated on my boyfriend of fourteen months with my high school ex. Whom I haven't seen in ten years. And who still gives amazing blow jobs."
Sharpay choked on her latte. "Hello, ew?"
Kelsi just laughed. "So what are you going to do?"
Ryan had no idea how to answer that question. He'd kind of been hoping that either Kelsi or Sharpay--or both of them, working together or something (as the world crashed down around their feet)--would have an appropriate solution. At the moment, he was stuck somewhere between "solution: break up with James and stay in Albuquerque forever for more orgasms!" and "solution: go back to New York and never think about Chad Danforth again." He knew neither was going to work. So, yes--what was he going to do?
"I have no idea," he said with a gusty sigh. All right, maybe he was being a little dramatic, but in his mind an event like this definitely warranted drama.
Kelsi considered this, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Okay... what if you tell James what you did, apologize to both him and Chad, and see what happens from there?"
"Why would he tell James?" said Sharpay, her voice both unnaturally high-pitched and horrified.
"Because they're in a loving, honest relationship?" Kelsi rolled her eyes and turned back to Ryan. "Believe me, Ryan, you won't be able to pull one over on James anyway."
"He'll hate me," moaned Ryan. "I don't really want a boyfriend who will hate me forever."
Kelsi mumbled something that was probably along the lines of "should have thought about that before, now shouldn't you have?" which, if Ryan was honest with himself, he probably deserved. She added more loudly, "It's probably a better idea to be truthful, Ry."
"No." That was from Sharpay, who, in a moment of utter cliché, had pulled out her nail file and was now using it. "It's a terrible idea. You're right, James will hate you, and when Danforth finds out you have a boyfriend--considering he's probably still got that Wildcat sensibility--he'll probably hate you too."And what do you have even if Chad isn't angry? You have a life in New York. Danforth's life is here. It's a lose/lose situation." As she spoke, Ryan realized that she was a hundred percent correct.
"So what do you think I should do, Sharpay?" He knew there was a desperate tone in his voice, but he couldn't help it. He was pretty freaked out, more than he'd been in a long time.
Sharpay looked strangely vulnerable, as Ryan had seen her only so many times before, as she sighed and said, "I don't know, Ry. Maybe the best plan is don't tell James. Just go back to him and remind him why he loves you, even though he doesn't even realize he forgot."
"And Chad?" asked Kelsi, rather sharply. For Kelsi, anyway.
Ryan felt sick. He knew what Sharpay was going to suggest, and he said it before she could. "Wash that man right out of my hair?"
Sharpay looked truly contrite as she nodded. "It's all you can do, really. I mean, if James is the one you want to be with. And he is, isn't he?"
Sometimes Ryan was bored with James. Sometimes James got on his nerves. Sometimes they fought, like they had the night before he'd come back to New Mexico. But Ryan loved James. He did.
Ryan nodded solemnly at his sister, glancing at Kelsi. There was a tightness to her mouth that he rarely saw and her eyes were blazing, but she didn't say a word. She just shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head in a way that said "What can you do?"
He took another deep breath. "Anyone got Jet Blue's number? I guess I'm flying back tonight. There's no way I'm staying when there's a chance I'll run into Chad again."
~*~
October 27th, 2017
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Chad had been planning to skip the concert/dance (East High had gotten a tiny band that had had exactly one hit in 2008 to come and play for them) that was planned, but what with Ryan's assurance that he'd be there and Gabriella and Troy's unrelenting enthusiasm about all things reunion-related, he'd been obligated to go anyway.
And now he was incredibly unhappy. That was what happens when you got your hopes up, he was beginning to understand.
It started an hour and a half into the party, when it was clear that most people who were planning to show had shown (and getting quite drunk off the bar that had been provided), and though Chad had played catch-up with just about every Wildcat from the basketball team--including Zeke, who apparently now had his own show on the Food Network--he had seen hair nor hide of Ryan.
Taylor was busy discussing the accessibility of various exotic dishes or something with Zeke. Chad tapped her on the shoulder. "Sorry--I'm just gonna go take a walk around, okay?
She smiled at him quickly in acquiescence before returning to her scintillating conversation, Chad was sure, before he took off for the bar himself and ordered a drink. He leaned against the counter as he waited, surveying the gym. It was new and completely remodeled. It made Chad feel disoriented.
He spotted Kelsi coming towards him, an uncharacteristic but hard-to-place expression on her face. Chad frowned. "Hey," he said when she was near enough to hear over the terrible band. "What's up? Have you seen Ryan?"
"I don't think he's coming," she said vaguely before ordering something for herself. "Sorry."
"Oh," said Chad blankly. "Did... I do something?"
Kelsi shook her head, looking down at her shoes and then back up at him. "Hey, Chad, can I ask you a question? It's kind of personal and I'm kind of tipsy... it's not the kind of thing I would normally ask."
Chad's frown grew deeper, but still he said, "Shoot."
"Okay... Chad, how many times have you been in love in your life?"
He could feel his eyebrows fly up, a reflexive response. He almost didn't answer--but then he considered. After a few minutes, in which both Chad's and Kelsi's drinks ended up in their respective hands, he firmly said, "Twice."
It was Kelsi's turn to be surprised. "Twice?"
Chad nodded. "Yeah. The first time was Penny Courtos in eighth grade. I adored her. She had no idea I existed, of course."
He got an encouraging smile for his troubles. "Who was the second?"
Chad kept as much control over his voice as he could when he replied in a low voice, "This is going to sound stupid--but it was Ryan." His heart was beating fast. He'd never told anyone this before. "I mean, obviously I've dated people since, even seriously." There was Evan, for instance, and Marcus. Both perfectly nice, but Chad had ended both relationships pretty quickly. And Trisha had lasted all of junior year but Chad never thought he was in love with her, really. "But they never measured up to Ryan. Or maybe just the idea I've always had of Ryan."
Kelsi nodded. "Yeah. That's what I thought."
"Pretty pathetic, huh?"
"No. Not at all." Kelsi took a gulp of her drink and then her face grew serious again. "Good luck, Chad." She reached up and patted him on the shoulder before walking away.
Chad knew at that moment that Ryan wasn't going to come through. And at that moment Chad also knew that this time he wasn't going to just sit there and let Ryan give up like that.
~*~
October 31st, 2017
New York City, New York
Ryan could have gone back to the show the night after he returned from New Mexico, but he decided he deserved another day to wallow. Even though this wasn't that a big deal. He had... you know, only cheated on his boyfriend with the dude he'd been in love with in high school (and who was, in fact, completely responsible for Ryan's present overuse of the word "dude").
Okay, so he was eating Half-Baked Ben & Jerry's out of the carton and watching reruns of the nineteenth season of Degrassi: Next Generation, dammit, and nobody was going to judge him for it.
The doorbell buzzed. Assuming it was more annoying trick-or-treaters, Ryan scowled at it, as if that would do a single thing, and then turned back to the television, where Molly Q. had discovered that her stepmother was pregnant with her boyfriend's child. Then he scowled at the television for having such a stupid plot. He was raising the hand holding the remote to change the channel to something not quite so trashy when the doorbell buzzed again. He ignored it a second time, and promptly his phone began ringing. His ringtone was an old song from college--"I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas--and he yelled "It is not going to be a good night" at it before he answered.
"Hello?" his voice came out froggy. He wondered how long it had been since he'd last spoken to anyone besides the guy who'd delivered his Chinese takeout this morning at four.
"Ryan Evans, what the hell is wrong with you? Let us in."
Ryan sighed. It was Mattie and considering they were attached at the hip and had been for six years, she had probably brought Kelsi along with her. Begrudgingly, he stood to let them in.
Mattie barreled past him when he opened the door, Kelsi not too far behind. Kelsi was a foreboding mass of black leather, while Mattie (who was three inches taller) wore a slinky purple dress: Boris and Natasha. Mattie/Natasha stopped in the middle of the living room, hands on her hips, as she surveyed Ryan's squalor.
"This is pretty gross," commented Kelsi, looking over her shoulder at Ryan as he closed the door.
"'Pretty gross' doesn't even cover it, baby," replied Mattie, turning to Ryan. "I repeat: what the hell is wrong with you? James is the best boyfriend anyone could ask for! Man, I'd ask for him if I could!" She pushed her fingers through her impossibly sleek hair--a wig, since she actually had frizzy curls--and hardly gave him a second before she added, "Well?"
Ryan never knew how to talk to Mattie when she was like this. He gazed at her face and asked, "Did you get your nose pierced?"
She suddenly beamed and said, "Yes! Do you like--hey. Hey. Answer me. It's my night off and Kelsi and I were getting ready for Tanya's Halloween party--which I can't believe you're not going to, by the way--and then Kels tells me you cheated on James and now I have to waste my night trying to fix you up."
This prompted a glare for Kelsi and a roll of the eyes for overdramatic Mattie. "You don't have to fix me up," he told her. "I'm fine. I mean, I'm wallowing a little. But I'm fine."
"Wallowing! James should be the one wallowing!"
Ryan was filled with a sense of deepest unhappiness as he admitted, "James doesn't know that yet."
"What? You haven't even talked to him?"
"I was getting around to it!" Ryan knew he sounded defensive, but he couldn't help it. How could Mattie say that like he didn't care about James or something?
Okay, maybe it seemed like he didn't, but he did. And that was what made it ten times worse.
Mattie grabbed Ryan's cell phone off the coffee table and slapped it into his palm. "Call him. Right now."
Ryan looked at Kelsi, who gave him a look that communicated a mix of "I'm really sorry, please excuse her" and "you know you deserve this, right?" He rolled his eyes and pulled up James' phone number. He hesitated the teeniest bit before hitting dial.
The phone rang four times before someone on the other end picked up. "I'm sorry," blurted out James right away.
Ryan was completely taken aback. "What? You--what?"
"I'm so sorry, Ryan. I should have never yelled at you. I'll make it up to you."
"Um," replied Ryan. He had no idea what to say. What do you say when you call your boyfriend to invite him to a meal where you will tell him that you cheated on him, and he's the first one to apologize? Who did that even happen to? "Uh--okay. It's fine, James. Really. How about, um, we meet for lunch tomorrow? We can talk then."
"That sounds great. Meet you at Jupiter Café? Noon?"
"Yeah. I'll meet you there."
Mattie and Kelsi were both looking expectantly at him when he hung up. "Well?" said Kelsi.
"He... apologized. To me."
"What?" Mattie looked as if she couldn't figure out whether she was angry at Ryan for this or not. "Why?"
"For the fight we had before I left. I guess he felt like it was his fault."
"Was it?" As she spoke, Kelsi stared at an empty bottle of whiskey as if she very much wanted to put in the recycling bin but refused to clean up someone else's mess. "I mean, you didn't really give me any details."
"I'll clean it up, Kelsi. Stop judging me." Ryan took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. "No, it wasn't really his fault. I mean, it was the result of a lot of pent-up tension. You know."
"Okay. Well. So you're having lunch tomorrow?" Ryan nodded. "And you'll clean up?" Ryan nodded again. "And you're fine? You don't need a shoulder to cry on?"
"Not at this particular moment. I might need one when James breaks up with me."
"I don't know if you get a shoulder when you deserve the break-up," Mattie interjected.
"Mattie, shut up and be nice. Okay, Ryan. We're going. You're sure you're fine?"
Was he? He was still kind of freaking out... but now he had a plan. Kind of. "Yes, I'm fine. Go back to partying or whatever you were up to before you came and saved the day. Shoo."
Kelsi kissed him on the cheek as she followed Mattie out of the apartment. The kiss was accompanied with a wink, and Ryan inexplicably felt a hell of a lot better.
~*~
The Jupiter Café was actually one of Ryan's favorite places in the city. It was unfortunate that he knew it was about to be ruined forever.
Ryan was stirring a straw in his chocolate milkshake and absently watching the door, thinking about he was probably about to break up with his boyfriend... and somehow that morphed into a series of images of Chad looking up at him through his eyelashes and running his finger along the shell of Ryan's ear and leaning forward to kiss him hard--
"Ryan!" James was sitting in the seat across from him, smiling at him, the dimple in his left cheek hard to resist. He looked as if he were genuinely happy to see Ryan, and Ryan automatically felt like the world's biggest creep.
"Hey, James. What's up?"
"You already got a milkshake, no fair!"
Ryan rolled his eyes. "You're lactose intolerant."
"Lactose intolerance does not prevent hunger, my friend." James bit his lip and paused for a second before he launched into an apology for not being understanding and attacking Ryan and a million other things that Ryan felt like were all his fault. He lasted about three minutes before he had to interrupt.
"James--don't. I mean. Stop." This won Ryan a confused expression, and Ryan sighed. He continued, "I need to tell you something."
James looked even more bewildered. "What's wrong?"
"I... okay, so over my weekend in Albuquerque I met up with a lot of old friends. It was, um, a lot of fun." He was fishing. He felt truly and absolutely horrible. James' frown grew deeper. "I also met up with, um, Chad. You know. My boyfriend from high school?"
James nodded slowly. "And?"
"And... I slept with him." Ryan said this quickly, as if the faster he said it the less of a douche he was. "And--I'm really sorry, James. I feel terrible about it. It should not have happened. If you want to stay with me, it never will again. Please forgive me."
James was looking at Ryan like he'd grown another head. "You... had sex with a guy you haven't seen in ten years? After seeing him for, what, ten minutes?"
"Well, I'd spent a lot of the day with him..."
"I really don't even know what to say, Ryan."
"Neither do I, to be honest."
They were both quiet. James looked unhappy and thoughtful. Ryan felt unhappy and couldn't stop thinking. About how he did love James, though maybe not the way he should. About how he kind of wished he'd stayed in Albuquerque. About what would happen if he did go back to New Mexico--would he see Chad again? Would Chad kiss him again? Could they be together again? Maybe it had been years but it couldn't be that different, could it?
Normal people didn't have these thoughts, did they?
James voice was almost too quiet to break Ryan's line of thought, but he managed it. "I don't think this is going to work. I can't... date someone who would do something like that without, like, discussing it first or something. I don't know."
Ryan nodded. "I don't blame you." He licked his lips nervously. "Does this mean we're breaking up?"
"Yeah. I think it does."
Ryan didn't even try to stop him as his now ex-boyfriend stood up, pulled on his coat, and walked out of the café, hands in pockets, without another sound. And the fact that he didn't even try told Ryan all he needed to know.
He wished James a good wallowing session.
~*~
November 2nd, 2017
To: gabs@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: URGENT
What is Chad's email address?
Ryan
November 2nd, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: gabs@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: URGENT
Depends on why you want to know. ;)
Love,
Gabriella (and baby!)
November 3rd, 2017
To: gabs@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: URGENT
I think it's time we got back in touch. I think I owe it to him, for some reason.
November 3rd, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: gabs@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: URGENT
You be careful. It's triplethreat14@earthworks.net.
Should I tell you to break a leg or something?
Love,
Gabriella (and baby!)
November 2nd, 2017
To: gabs@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: URGENT
All I can tell you is that it's disarming that I am getting emails from your unborn child as well as from you.
:)
November 3rd, 2017
To: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: I can't believe you still have the same stupid email address
Hey Chad,
Finally got your email from Gabi and thought I'd shoot you a note. I didn't realize I would be writing to the reigning triple threat of East High. Good job, dude. Who knew you'd still be rocking it after all these years?
I'm sorry about ditching you early.
Write back,
Ryan
November 4th, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Dude!
I have told Gabriella multiple times that she was to give this email address to absolutely NOBODY under ANY circumstances. Either I'm going to have to murder you or her. Which do you think it should be? You, the rising Broadway star; her, the four months pregnant star of our hearts? It's a hard choice.
Seriously, though, this email is really supposed to be for, like, Facebook notifications and stuff. Since I'm old-fashioned and still get them emailed to me--I just can't deal with that many texts in one day. I guess I'll make an exception for you... but if you ever want to catch me at work (when it's lunch or something, I mean), my REAL email is cdanforth@emhs.edu.
See, I can be practical. How are you?
Chad
November 4th, 2017
To: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Chad:
You should always choose the Broadway star.
I'm good. I'm ridiculously TIRED, though. They never tell you how hard being the star is. (Okay, too many uses of the word "star" in one email. I apologize.) I've been at rehearsal all day and I have to wake up early because the cast is going to be on the Today show, and so are a few of the kids from the Drama Club. I'm excited, but I would really like to sleep too.
I can't believe you ended up a middle school teacher, by the way. Whatever happened to our shining basketball star? (There I go again.) I'm kidding, I think it's great. :) Don't let those kids down, Danforth. Not that I know a single one of them. Also, I refuse to use your real email. Triplethreat14 is waaay more amusing.
So I've come to Albuquerque. When are you coming to New York to see me?
Ryan
November 6th, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Ryan,
You'd choose yourself over a pregnant woman? You are just as heartless as I'd always thought! (Okay, maybe not really.)
(And don't apologize for using the word "star" too much. We all know that at the very least, it's the most descriptive word when it comes to you.)
Ohhh, the Today show. Of course! I watched, by the way. I Tivoed it and watched it while eating my TV dinner. It was a big affair. You looked fantastic, so did the cast, so did the kids. And speaking of the kids, did you know Georgie Frank is actually in one of my gym classes? I had no idea she was into that stuff--I mean, I signed the release form to let her go to New York for the week and all, but I didn't realize it was for that. Way cool, man. Way cool. (My students make fun of me all the time for saying "way" as a modifier. Also, I can't believe I even know what a modifier is. One of the only of my co-workers I like is an English teacher.)
I'm also amazed I turned out to be a middle school teacher--not as amazed as I am that you're, like, a headliner on, like, 57th Street. It's pretty awesome, man.
(Awesome, dude, and man: also all things that my students think are hilarious.)
So, tell me... why was it you never came to the reunion dance?
Chad
November 7th, 2017
To: kelsinielson@regentsagency.com
CC: foreverfabulous@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: Fw: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Read the attached. WHAT DO I SAY?
November 7th, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: foreverfabulous@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: Fw: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
You're emailing CHAD DANFORTH? And FLIRTING with him?????????? Ryan Evans, what did I tell you???? It will only end in heartbreak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gurl says hi.
Kisses,
Sharpay
November 7th, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: kelsinielson@regentsagency.com
Subject: Re: Fw: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Tell the truth. If it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be. Mattie wants me to tell you that she has not forgiven you yet. Secretly, I think she wishes she was dating James.
Good luck. You know how much I've always been rooting for you two.
<3,
Kelsi
November 8th, 2009
To: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Chad:
I was dating someone when I slept with you. I needed to go home and figure it out. I love him, but not the way I should have. We decided it wasn't working out. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry I missed the party. I hope you'll forgive me.
This was kind of stupid to do through email, and I would have rather done it by phone or face-to-face. But we know the second one's not an option... what's your phone number?
Ryan
November 9th, 2009
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
My phone number is 821-555-6745.
Call me later? :)
Chad
~*~
December 27th, 2017
Albuquerque, New Mexico
The emails continued, longer and more affectionate by day. The emails ranged from empty observations to actual issues to one-liner jokes to links to the absolute stupidest YouTube videos they could find. After a bit of this, the emails turn into daily IM conversations and texting each other stupid pictures all day long. Ryan was still the bright, sunny, showtunes-obsessed guy he'd been a decade ago; only now he was less intense and more mature, and he'd even gotten back into baseball (although he'd decided for some reason that he was a Yankees fan--horrifying). When they finally graduated to daily phone calls (it took a while to get over the common phone phobia that came with the decade), Chad was happy to learn that Ryan's voice had also gotten about ten times sexier. In no time they were friends again, and neither of them had mentioned the whole sex thing. It was better that way.
Chad liked Ryan. He liked him a lot. And when Ryan spent two hours on the phone with him even though he'd been at rehearsal all day, and then fell asleep as Chad was speaking, it was so adorable it made Chad like him more. Nothing more than that, because there was no way Chad was going to try long distance again.
Anyway, they were friends now. That was when they had been at their best in high school--as friends. Chad didn't want to give that up ever again.
Except Ryan was in New Mexico again for a few days, temptingly close. Chad had not seen him yet, but he knew it was coming. At the moment, the phone in his pocket buzzed. Chad paused the football game he was only sort of watching and fished his cell phone out. His caller ID told him it was Ryan--speak of the devil indeed. "Hello?"
"Save me. Sharpay just broke up with her latest and I can't deal with so many tears. I mean, I must be the worst brother but it's been a week. Want to go see a movie or something?"
"What if we go ice-skating?"
Chad could hear the smile when Ryan replied, "Ice-skating! I've never done that in the southwest. Let's do it."
"Okay. Meet you at one?"
"Got it. See you there."
"Wait--no--we can't. This is going to sound stupid, but I... kind of wanted to watch the last episode of, um, Shirtless and Sizzling. It's a rerun but I haven't seen it yet." Chad coughed out a tiny embarrassed chuckle, but it wouldn't be on for another two months, and it was holiday-themed, and he had developed the most horrifying weakness for the Food Network in the past several months.
Ryan's laugh was not judgmental; instead, it was more surprised and amused. "You mean Zeke's cooking show? Oh God, let's watch it together, please? When is it on?"
"Same time. Around one."
"I'll be there at a quarter 'til. With popcorn."
Forty-five minutes, a shower, a quick clean-up of the apartment, and a tiny glass of wine later, Ryan appeared at Chad's door, a giant can of popcorn in one arm and a grin on his face. "I picked up caramel popcorn. I haven't had any in years, but I figure it's the right time of year to eat things that are bad for me."
"Dude, come in, sit down." Chad took Ryan's coat and hung it up and tried not to think about how much it smelled like Ryan. It took him back to the last time he had gotten a chance to take in that particular scent--the mix of soap and Old Spice and something vaguely rosy--and that just reminded him of the way Ryan's lips felt against his, and the way Ryan had still remembered that Chad loved it when someone pulled on the curl at the nape of his neck.
He swallowed. This was going to be difficult, considering the last time Ryan had been close enough to touch was the night they'd had sex. Chad still couldn't decide whether or not that had been a good idea.
He turned around and saw Ryan in his tight t-shirt and jeans that showed off his dancer's body, sitting on the couch right where Chad had once given him a blow job.
Yeah, this was going to be interesting.
He took a seat on the couch, taking care not to touch Ryan in any way. He didn't even allow his thigh to rest against Ryan's. Neither of them said a word as Chad changed the channel to the Food Network and the ridiculous but cheerful montage of a shirtless Zeke sautéeing various vegetables and sprinkling spices on everything he saw. Big, bold words came on the screen: SHIRTLESS AND SIZZLING with Zeke Baylor.
Chad looked out of the corner of his eye to see Ryan looking as stiff and awkward as he felt. Ryan turned to glance at Chad just as Zeke--in a Santa Claus hat--ripped off his t-shirt and winked charmingly at the audience. This resulted in an eruption of applause from the studio audience and raucous laughter from Ryan and Chad.
"He ripped it off," said Chad breathlessly between guffaws. "And the hat! The hat!"
"Well, the show is called Shirtless and Sizzling," replied Ryan with a sudden straight face. It lasted two seconds before he glanced at Chad again, and they were again clutching their stomachs and leaning against each other, nearly unable to breathe due to laughter.
They missed the first five minutes, in which Zeke explained what he would be preparing that day. There was an array of bowls and food on the counter in front of him, and the counter was decorated with garland and tinsel. Eventually, Ryan and Chad calmed down enough to watch Zeke teach the public how to "spice up their Christmas hams--if you know what I mean."
That started them up again.
They passed the entire hour like this--laughing at their former classmate's antics, and every now and then calming down only to see Zeke wink lasciviously or, at one point, shake his backside playfully at the camera. When that happened, tears were running down Ryan's face.
"That was the best television show that has ever happened to me," Chad declared when the credits were rolling. "Who knew Zeke would get his own hilarious cooking show?"
"Where he cooks shirtless. Well, you know, besides the apron. How did the producers let that slide? Do you think he had pants on?"
Chad tried to express as much horror as possible in his voice when he replied, "Oh, God. Don't make me think about Zeke without pants on. So many bad memories of high school."
Ryan chuckled and stood up to stretch. When he sat back down, he reached over to take a handful of popcorn at the same time Chad did, and the backs of their hands brushed against one another. A burst of nervous energy ran up Chad's arm and nearly made him shiver. He licked his lips.
It didn't appear to affect Ryan at all. He sat back, chewing his popcorn. When he swallowed a bite, he said, "Didn't you say something about ice skating? Does that offer still stand?"
Chad was happy to do something that didn't involve sitting this close to Ryan on a couch they had had really fantastic sex on in an empty apartment where anything could happen. Chad didn't want just anything to happen. "Totally still stands! Let's go," he said, maybe too quickly. He needed to stop this, before he made a big mistake and completely destroyed the friendship they had so carefully built.
~*~
It was true that Ryan had never been ice skating in New Mexico, but he had gone dozens of times since he'd been to New York. He loved ice skating; he loved the grace and the cold and the couples holding hands. He loved that this rink was still recovering from Christmastime festivities: a giant Christmas tree greeted people when they came in through the front door, giant glass bulbs hung over the ice, the walls decorated with garlands and holly. Ryan was in the best mood he'd been since October.
He looked over his shoulder at Chad shuffling along behind him. His face was red and the picture of concentration. Ryan smiled to himself and turned around so he was skating backwards. This caused Chad to give him a look of pure annoyance.
"I thought you said you never ice skated!"
"Not in Albuquerque, but I've lived in New York for ten years." Chad tripped and nearly fell forward; Ryan stepped towards him and grabbed his forearms.
He looked down at Chad and wondered if he had grown during the past several years or had Chad always been this short? And were his eyelashes always that long? And his lips always so full? Ryan hardly noticed that he was leaning forward when Chad suddenly pulled away and tried to skate past him. Of course, rushing unbalanced him, and he fell backwards, landing on his ass.
Ryan couldn't help it when he started laughing again. Chad rolled his eyes and tried to shoot him another look of utmost irritation, but that quickly dissolved into giggles.
Ryan stretched out a hand to help him up, but Chad didn't accept it. Instead he pulled himself up by grabbing onto the wall. When he was standing (quite precariously), he reached behind his neck to pull at the curl at the nape of his neck--the curl that had once been Ryan's favorite curl in the world. It was a nervous habit that hadn't quit at all in the thirteen years they'd known each other.
"Are you okay?" asked Ryan, frowning. He meant his question to be about the fall, but Chad must have caught the way Ryan was watching Chad pull at the curl. He suddenly looked nervous and overly concerned in that way he did when he was embarrassed.
"I'm okay. I promise. Just a little... flustered. I guess."
Ryan nodded. "Sure you don't want me to help you skate?"
"Nah, I'm good." Chad smiled shakily and began to shuffle-skate away. Ryan stood there for another few seconds, hands in his pockets, before he skated after him.
Ryan wanted to kiss Chad. He wanted to be the one pulling that curl; he wanted to hold Chad's hand and pull him around the skating rink; he wanted to do simple things like watch stupid TV shows in the middle of the afternoon, ending with a cuddly nap. Was he missing James, or was this all Chad? He couldn't be sure--until Chad tripped again, and Ryan offered his hand again.
This time, Chad took it. He didn't let go for another ten minutes.
It was definitely all Chad.
That terrified Ryan. He shouldn't have let himself go on a date with Chad. If it led to anything it could only be bad. Ryan was too insecure; too prone to unfaithfulness. But he had once loved Chad with all his heart and been too scared to say so. He was older now, still scared, but a little more ready to handle it. The idea stayed on his mind all afternoon until he realized that maybe it had always been Chad and he just had never recognized it.
Now what was he supposed to do?
~*~
After ice-skating, they went out to dinner, and Ryan was getting text messages every five minutes although he wasn't replying. By text number nineteen, he was looking pretty annoyed. Finally, Chad told him he didn't mind if Ryan wanted to reply.
Ryan shook his head as he powered off the device. "It's just Sharpay. She's being nosy and I don't think she quite approves that I'm on a date with you. Especially since she can't exactly go on dates right now herself."
Chad was more than a little taken aback by that. Not the Sharpay thing, but the being on a date part. "Are we on a date?" He had been under the impression that he was "saving" Ryan from his sister and all related incidents, and that this was merely just a friendly rendezvous. Not a date.
"Is that, ah, not what you thought?" Ryan looked a little embarrassed. In fact, Chad noticed that the shells of his ears were turning pink, like they had in high school.
Why would Chad notice that?
He shook his head very slowly. "Ryan... you live in New York all year. I live here. My life is in Albuquerque."
"I'm in Albuquerque a lot for Sharpay and stuff," replied Ryan earnestly. "There are schools in New York."
Chad's heart was beating so hard it felt like any minute now it would leap up through his throat. "Are you really asking me what I think you're asking me?"
"I mean... not really? But I'm saying, Chad, if we wanted to make it work, we could make it work."
Chad pulled the curl at the nape of his neck and bit his lip. "I gotta go," he said after a moment of Ryan looking at him with puppy dog eyes. He stood up and began to walk away before doubling back to kiss Ryan on the cheek. "I'll think about it. Okay? Maybe."
He headed out the door of the once-beloved Pizza Express, hands in his pockets and shaking his head. His mind was racing and his heart was trying to beat its way through his chest. He walked back to his apartment, a million ideas flashing through his head. He had no idea what he was going to do.
~*~
December 30th, 2017
New York, New York
"He completely freaked out, Kels. Like, he walked out of the restaurant." Ryan took off his hat and twirled it nervously on his finger. "I haven't talked to him since."
"So... if I understand this correctly, you told Chad you thought you two could work, and he just... left?" Kelsi sipped her coffee and glanced out the window, then back to Ryan. "That's not good."
"No." Ryan shook his head and rolled his eyes. "I ruin everything that has to do with him. We were good back in the day."
"You were sickeningly adorable. But I guess at East High, that was 'good.'" Kelsi frowned. "I thought you said you'd been flirting all day."
"We had! All day. We even kind of cuddled on the couch. And there was this weird moment where I think we almost kissed, but then Chad had a slightly less major freakout and skated away."
Kelsi shrugged and they were quiet for a few minutes, just drinking their coffee and staring off into space. "Maybe you should just stop thinking about him, Ryan. He's in Albuquerque. We're here. Even if something was there between you two..."
Ryan sighed. "I know. But I just want to know. You know?"
"You know what would take all of this off your mind? A movie. We should go see a movie."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I hear the remake of Spiderman is actually pretty good. Plus the guy playing Peter Parker is way hot. Even Mattie thinks so."
There was a very good reason Kelsi was still his best friend after all these years.
~*~
December 31st, 2017
Albuquerque, New Mexico
(8:49 PM)
"Hello? Ryan?" Ryan's voice was being drowned in the noise coming from all the people that Chad imagined were around him, and Chad could hardly hear his voice.
Ryan sounded surprised and drunk. "Chad! Chad? Chad! Ummm, wait a second."
Chad waited. Someone in the background said "Ryan, get your ass over here!" to which Ryan replied with a laugh and "Get a room!" New Year's in New York City sounded fun. Finally, Ryan found somewhere that wasn't so loud. By that point, Chad's clock read 8:52 PM.
"Hello?"
Chad grinned. "Hey, man. How's it going?"
"I'm, um, totally drunk. Actually. Um."
"I don't blame you. I'm going over to my sister's in a bit, but you sound like you're having way more fun."
"Are you... calling for any reason?" 8:55 PM.
Was there? Chad didn't know. He'd noticed that it was almost midnight on the east coast, so he'd called the only person who mattered to him there. He wasn't quite sure why. Finally, he decided on replying, "Nah... I just wanted to wish you a happy New Year's."
"That's sweet! No, really! That's sweet!" Ryan's smile shone through his words. "Thank you so much!"
"You're an excited drunk," said Chad, unable to help smiling himself.
"No! Okay, yes. I'm totally excited."
8:58 PM.
"Aren't you going to kiss anyone at midnight?" Chad tried to sound completely nonchalant, but as soon as he asked the question he found he was holding his breath.
The answer he got was "um," followed by a long silence, until Chad thought that Ryan had completely hung up. Suddenly, he could hear the sound of people counting down in the background. He glanced at the clock. It was 8:59.
8, 7, 6...
"Chad? Are you still there? I wish I could--" but he was interrupted by the screams and shouts of Happy New Year and the sound of horns blaring, mixed with the faint sound of Ryan's name being called. "I gotta go, someone's coming." The sound of being hung up on clicked in Chad's ear.
"Okay," Chad said, a little dazedly.
For some reason, he'd thought that Ryan had been completely honest about the two of them being able to make it work. But it sounded like Ryan was going to be kissing someone at midnight and he just didn't want to hurt Chad's feelings. Which was totally valid. Chad just wished that Ryan hadn't led him on.
By the time midnight rolled around in New Mexico, Chad didn't feel much like partying. He drank a margarita one of his sister's friends made for him and tried to participate in a conversation a few of his frat brothers from college were having about whether the Rams or the Packers were going to win the Superbowl, but Chad couldn't take his mind off Ryan. To be honest, he was disappointed, and moreover, he was definitely regretting his reaction to Ryan's sudden proposition just a few days before.
He looked up and saw an ad for Southwest Airlines playing in the middle of the New Year's Eve program on TV, and had a sudden idea.
After all, what better time to go to New York City than the winter?
~*~
January 3rd, 2018
New York City
Ryan was, to say the least, cranky. He'd arrived to the theater an hour early only to find that both Marianne and Mattie were out for the night, forcing him to act alongside two of the more incompetent understudies. Well, the one doing Marianne's part wasn't too bad except for the part when she nearly tripped him during "Good Morning"; but the girl who had been Lina for the night was overall obnoxious. Plus her Lina voice? Was completely and totally real. That was how she always spoke.
The headache he found himself with as he left the theater forty-five minutes after the show had ended, then, was absolutely no surprise. It was rude, he knew, but he was in no mood to deal with the fans that night. He tried to pull down the brim of his hat to avoid being spotted by the few stragglers left standing outside the door, but somebody called his name. He took a deep breath, briefly closed and opened his eyes, and turned around, ready to give a smile and an autograph to a well-meaning father for his teenage daughter.
Except if Chad Danforth had a teenage daughter, Ryan wanted to know every single detail.
"Chad?" he couldn't help it if he sounded utterly bewildered. "What--you're in New York?" He gave his head a tiny shake. "Did you see my show?"
It was snowing lightly, and the flakes fell on Chad's curls and eyelashes in a way that seemed almost out of place, though it still made a charming picture. Chad reached behind his neck to pull at that curl. He bit his lip. Why was he so attractive when he did that? Even as exhausted and cranky as Ryan was, he still wanted to push Chad against the wall and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. Chad smiled so that only one corner of his mouth went up. "Hey, Ryan. Yeah, I saw the show."
Ryan had no idea what to say. "What did you think?"
"Do you want to go get coffee?"
At that point, Ryan couldn't even say words. He just nodded slowly. Chad nodded back, that lopsided smile refusing to go away, and then he started walking towards the main sidewalk. Ryan was on his heels.
"Okay. There's a place I saw nearby."
"Saxby's?"
"Yeah! You've been?"
Ryan rolled his eyes. "The cast basically lives there."
"Good, so you can tell me what to get." Chad looked over his shoulder and the lights shining down from all of the buildings around them caught him perfectly. Ryan was pretty sure he loved every dimple, line, and curl. He wasn't yet sure if that was a problem.
Saxby's was warm and homey; it was like Starbucks but with a more personal feel despite its hundreds of locations all over the country. It was one of Ryan's favorite places to just chill out and forget about all stresses of his life. It had been a favorite date spot when he had been dating James. He wondered if maybe Chad would enjoy it too.
Chad stuck his hands in his pockets awkwardly as he gazed up at the menu and then turned to Ryan. "What's something good that has no coffee?"
Ryan raised his eyebrows. "You don't like coffee?" There went that thought then.
Chad shook his head, shrugging. "It's kind of gross."
"So why'd you ask me if I wanted to come to coffee with you?"
"It seemed the kind of thing people in New York do." He looked around, seeming kind of awed, before he added, "I've never been, you know."
In a gesture of mock-drama, Ryan took his hat off his head and held it to his chest, shaking his head sadly. "You poor, poor thing. Here, get your drink to go. We're going to have an adventure." Fuck his headache. This was more important.
Chad ordered an apple cider and Ryan got his usual caramel macchiato. When they left the store, Ryan took Chad's hand and pulled him towards Forty-Second. They walked down the street talking idly about various things, Chad gazing with awe at pretty much everything (although he was obviously trying to hide it). Ryan kept stealing glances at him, taking joy in Chad's reaction.
Then they got to the corner of the intersection with Seventh and they looked down the street. There were lights everywhere, and it was kind of like information overload. Chad stared up at the skyline, clearly impressed. He looked at Ryan. "This is pretty cool."
"I mean, you see it all the time in the movies and on TV and stuff, but it's never as cool as when you see it for the first time."
"No, yeah, I can see how you would get tired of this." He took a deep breath. "I definitely wouldn't be able to handle it. There's so much going on."
Ryan suddenly had a thought. Why had he thought that Chad would want to see Times Square when there were so many better things to see? He checked his watch. If they hurried... "Do you want to see something else?"
"Whatever you want to show me."
What Ryan wanted to show him was a subway ride and a short bus ride away. They got off in a quieter part of the city, near the harbor. Ryan led Chad through a maze of streets and down a sidewalk through a vast patch of grass, from which they could see the water. They stopped at one particular bench. Ryan was actually surprised nobody was sitting there, but he supposed the time of night (it was nearly one) was stopping everyone else. "After you," said Ryan, sort of bowing and gesturing as gracefully as he could. He wasn't exhausted anymore.
Chad sat down and gazed across the harbor. The skyline was impressive even from here. "Cool, huh?"
"Very."
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Chad cleared his throat. Ryan turned to look at him, and then he and Chad were staring straight into each other's eyes. The glow that fell from the lanterns that lined the fence in front of them shone on Chad's face softly. Ryan leaned closer.
"Ryan?" Chad said quietly, moving back a little. "I... don't really know where to start." Ryan swallowed, no idea where this was heading. He removed his hat from his head and put it on the seat next to him. Then he folded his hands in his lap, waiting for Chad to continue. "Did you know that every day for two years after you broke up with me I thought about calling you and demanding to know your real reasons for breaking up with me? And then I would ask if you were serious that you didn't want to be together?" Chad was pulling at that curl again. Ryan had no idea why, but he felt compelled to reach over, take that hand, and hold it in his own. "I was totally in love with you, dude. Seriously."
"I--"
"Wait, let me finish." Chad looked away towards the water. The snow was still falling lightly, but Ryan wasn't really cold. "Okay, so yeah, I was way in love with you then. But then these past few months, I've been realizing that I never really stopped. That sounds completely stupid and maybe even creepy that I've been pining after you all this time, but you were, like, my first, man. You never get over your first." Faint amusement came over his face. "I mean, look at Troy and Gabriella." Chad turned to Ryan again. "Look, I don't know how serious you are about making it work, but if you are... I mean. I just wanted to let you know. The loving you thing. So ball's in your court."
Ryan didn't even know what to say to that. So he reached for Chad, cradled the back of his head in his hand, and pulled him forward for a kiss. He broke it for only a moment to say, "Leave it to you to end that with a basketball metaphor," and then he was kissing Chad again, and he had no idea how they would make this work, but this was his second chance and no way was he going to fuck this one up.
Later, they were walking back to the bus stop, hand in hand. "I hope you didn't get a room at some fancy hotel," said Ryan.
"I was kind of hoping I could just crash at your place," replied Chad. "Unless you have some other idea--"
Ryan stopped and pulled Chad towards him. "We are going to my apartment. Right now. We may not leave for a few days. When does your plane leave?"
"Thursday." Two days.
"Look at that! All the time in the world."
Epilogue
April 17th, 2018
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Sharpay had never been one much for channel surfing, but on this particular day she was feeling lonely and gross and completely unloved (by everyone except for Gurl, who sat faithfully at Sharpay's feet, which were curled up beneath her on the couch) and channel surfing was an activity that fit that combination of moods perfectly, a pint of Ben & Jerry's on the side. The problem was, everything was boring or just plain stupid. She sped past a Lifetime movie, a television show about two girls with their own video blog, a really old rerun of Desperate Housewives, and a mindless children's cartoon before she saw it--some show called Shirtless and Sizzling on the Food Network. If anything, she thought, it certainly sounded interesting, and so she settled back with her ice cream and spoon and prepared to at least laugh derisively for the next half-hour.
Instead, she found herself staring at the face of the first man she never had to manipulate into a relationship. Zeke Baylor, the man who made her realize that she was actually a likeable person without all the sparkles and stilettos and shouting at people just because she could. She had been pretty in love with him by the end of senior year, and they'd had a relationship for years afterward... the only reason they'd broken up was because Zeke decided to move to California. Gurl barked happily at the television, although Gurl hadn't existed until far after the Zeke era. Sharpay raised her eyebrows as far as they could go when Zeke took off his shirt and put on an apron over his impressive pectorals.
She was sitting here eating ice cream and watching television when she could be sleeping with this guy? She put the television on mute and pulled her cell phone out of the pocket of her fluffy pink bathrobe and dialed Ryan.
"Hello?" he finally answered after three or four rings. He sounded more than a little annoyed.
"Hello, Ry? I know it's spring break here so I know Danforth is there with you, could you ask him a question for me?" Zeke was bending over to open an oven door. Sharpay found herself licking her lips.
"Sure, sis," and Sharpay was so distracted by the sight of Zeke mixing something in a bowl that she hardly noticed when Ryan handed the phone over to Danforth. It was his voice that muttered, also with a hint of irritation like Ryan, "Sharpay? Evans? What's up?"
"Are you still in touch with Zeke Baylor? I need his phone number. Now." Sharpay cleared her throat. "I mean, as soon as possible. Please."
"Well, your brother and I are kind of busy right now--"
"Gross--"
"But I can get Gabriella to email it to you later?"
Zeke spilled a cup of milk on his apron, causing him to pull it off. "That would be great," she replied absent-mindedly (and, it must be said, a tad breathlessly), to a nervous cough/laugh from Danforth, and she pressed the end button on her phone without another word.
There was no reason she could think of that she should be alone tomorrow night.
October 27th, 2017
Albuquerque, New Mexico
When Ryan finally left Chad's apartment at ten that morning, after a second round of pretty awesome sex, he was in full freakout mode. It was not exactly proper for one to have a major fight with one's boyfriend, then attend one's ten year high school reunion, meet up with one's high school ex-boyfriend, and then get drunk with said ex-boyfriend and then sleep with him.
...Twice.
This wasn't a Judd Apatow movie. Especially since it was unlikely that Judd Apatow would make a good movie about two gay men.
Oh God. James was going to kill him. Kelsi was going to kill him. Chad was going to kill him when he realized that Ryan hadn't meant it at all.
Except maybe he did mean it, a little bit.
Okay, seriously?
Ryan was going to rot in hell.
Ryan Evans to Kelsi Nielson, Sharpay Evans
10-26-2017
12:16PM
Meet me at sbux on acorn st? Emergency!!!!!
Kelsi Nielson to Ryan Evans
10-26-2017
12:17PM
i think i already know what this will be about... meet u in 5
Sharpay Evans to Ryan Evans
10-26-2017
12:19PM
b right there. also thx 4 acknowledging i exist
The Starbucks on Acorn and Thornton was relatively unchanged and familiar, or at least as familiar as a corporate franchise can be, anyway. It was the one Ryan and Sharpay had popped into every morning during high school for lattes, and where Ryan had met the first guy he'd ever been on a date with (Stephen, tenth grade--it had ended not so much terribly as awkwardly). Now it was where Ryan sat with an untouched iced coffee by his wrist as he nervously ran his fingers along the brim of his dark green fedora, which, for once, was in his hands rather than on his head.
"This better be good." Sharpay's voice was affectionate but laced with sarcasm as she sat down in the seat next to him. A furry Shih Tzu--Gurl, a replacement for Boi who had died two years prior--peeked out from the enormous yellow tote that Sharpay set on the ground.
"Sharpie?" said a tired-sounding barista over the intercom. Sharpay ignored it. Ryan smirked.
"Hey, Shar. How's it going?"
"Sharp...aye?"
Sharpay took a deep breath and stood up. "I'll be better after I get my coffee." A moment and a rather loud confrontation later Sharpay had gone and returned with a grande latte (with soy milk and one and a half Splenda, if Ryan knew his sister).
She sat down and her expression transformed into seriousness. "Okay. Tell me. Deets. Now."
"We have to wait for Kelsi."
Sharpay raised her eyebrows in surprise. If Ryan was correct, Sharpay (who had refused to come to a single reunion event) hadn't seen Kelsi in about as long as Ryan had seen Chad. Well, before last night anyway. Ryan wondered if he should warn Sharpay that Kelsi was no longer the tiny meek mouse she'd been in high school--
Kelsi always had been impressively good at timing.
"Hey guys! What song is this?" She nodded her head up at the speaker playing moody coffee shop music above them as she pulled out a chair and sat.
Ryan shrugged, grinning. "Hey, Kels. What's up? Anything new in your life?" They'd always asked this upon seeing each other, ever since they'd been at Juilliard, since at that point they saw each other multiple times every day.
Kelsi beamed back, rolling her eyes, and then turned to Sharpay. "Hey Sharpay! How are you?"
Sharpay's mouth dropped open. Kelsi had never directly greeted Sharpay in her life. But Kelsi was a grown-up version of herself, not to mention the twenty-eight-year-old winner of a Tony for best musical. She wasn't exactly scared of people like Sharpay anymore. She had to deal with them every day of her life.
Ryan smirked and Sharpay's gaze flickered between him and then back to Kelsi's open, warm face. Finally she settled on a confused and simple but short "hi" before she took a long sip of her drink.
Kelsi turned to Ryan, exchanging a sly look with him. "What's up, Ryan? Why'd you want to meet us?"
"Okay... so you know how Chad and I sort of had a date last night?"
"What?" blurted out Sharpay. "You didn't tell me that!"
"It was kind of sudden," admitted Ryan. He rubbed the back of his neck. He had a major headache although he really hadn't had as much to drink as he'd pretended. "Kelsi and I saw him in the crowd at some assembly the high school had... and then we had dinner at Pizza Express--"
"No!" Sharpay interjected, gasping.
Ryan nodded solemnly as he continued, "And then we went to a bar. And... I ended up sleepingwithhim."
It was Kelsi's turn to gasp, although if Ryan didn't know better hers might have seemed a little sarcastic. "You had sex with him?"
"Yup." Ryan heaved a deep sigh. "I cheated on my boyfriend of fourteen months with my high school ex. Whom I haven't seen in ten years. And who still gives amazing blow jobs."
Sharpay choked on her latte. "Hello, ew?"
Kelsi just laughed. "So what are you going to do?"
Ryan had no idea how to answer that question. He'd kind of been hoping that either Kelsi or Sharpay--or both of them, working together or something (as the world crashed down around their feet)--would have an appropriate solution. At the moment, he was stuck somewhere between "solution: break up with James and stay in Albuquerque forever for more orgasms!" and "solution: go back to New York and never think about Chad Danforth again." He knew neither was going to work. So, yes--what was he going to do?
"I have no idea," he said with a gusty sigh. All right, maybe he was being a little dramatic, but in his mind an event like this definitely warranted drama.
Kelsi considered this, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Okay... what if you tell James what you did, apologize to both him and Chad, and see what happens from there?"
"Why would he tell James?" said Sharpay, her voice both unnaturally high-pitched and horrified.
"Because they're in a loving, honest relationship?" Kelsi rolled her eyes and turned back to Ryan. "Believe me, Ryan, you won't be able to pull one over on James anyway."
"He'll hate me," moaned Ryan. "I don't really want a boyfriend who will hate me forever."
Kelsi mumbled something that was probably along the lines of "should have thought about that before, now shouldn't you have?" which, if Ryan was honest with himself, he probably deserved. She added more loudly, "It's probably a better idea to be truthful, Ry."
"No." That was from Sharpay, who, in a moment of utter cliché, had pulled out her nail file and was now using it. "It's a terrible idea. You're right, James will hate you, and when Danforth finds out you have a boyfriend--considering he's probably still got that Wildcat sensibility--he'll probably hate you too."And what do you have even if Chad isn't angry? You have a life in New York. Danforth's life is here. It's a lose/lose situation." As she spoke, Ryan realized that she was a hundred percent correct.
"So what do you think I should do, Sharpay?" He knew there was a desperate tone in his voice, but he couldn't help it. He was pretty freaked out, more than he'd been in a long time.
Sharpay looked strangely vulnerable, as Ryan had seen her only so many times before, as she sighed and said, "I don't know, Ry. Maybe the best plan is don't tell James. Just go back to him and remind him why he loves you, even though he doesn't even realize he forgot."
"And Chad?" asked Kelsi, rather sharply. For Kelsi, anyway.
Ryan felt sick. He knew what Sharpay was going to suggest, and he said it before she could. "Wash that man right out of my hair?"
Sharpay looked truly contrite as she nodded. "It's all you can do, really. I mean, if James is the one you want to be with. And he is, isn't he?"
Sometimes Ryan was bored with James. Sometimes James got on his nerves. Sometimes they fought, like they had the night before he'd come back to New Mexico. But Ryan loved James. He did.
Ryan nodded solemnly at his sister, glancing at Kelsi. There was a tightness to her mouth that he rarely saw and her eyes were blazing, but she didn't say a word. She just shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head in a way that said "What can you do?"
He took another deep breath. "Anyone got Jet Blue's number? I guess I'm flying back tonight. There's no way I'm staying when there's a chance I'll run into Chad again."
~*~
October 27th, 2017
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Chad had been planning to skip the concert/dance (East High had gotten a tiny band that had had exactly one hit in 2008 to come and play for them) that was planned, but what with Ryan's assurance that he'd be there and Gabriella and Troy's unrelenting enthusiasm about all things reunion-related, he'd been obligated to go anyway.
And now he was incredibly unhappy. That was what happens when you got your hopes up, he was beginning to understand.
It started an hour and a half into the party, when it was clear that most people who were planning to show had shown (and getting quite drunk off the bar that had been provided), and though Chad had played catch-up with just about every Wildcat from the basketball team--including Zeke, who apparently now had his own show on the Food Network--he had seen hair nor hide of Ryan.
Taylor was busy discussing the accessibility of various exotic dishes or something with Zeke. Chad tapped her on the shoulder. "Sorry--I'm just gonna go take a walk around, okay?
She smiled at him quickly in acquiescence before returning to her scintillating conversation, Chad was sure, before he took off for the bar himself and ordered a drink. He leaned against the counter as he waited, surveying the gym. It was new and completely remodeled. It made Chad feel disoriented.
He spotted Kelsi coming towards him, an uncharacteristic but hard-to-place expression on her face. Chad frowned. "Hey," he said when she was near enough to hear over the terrible band. "What's up? Have you seen Ryan?"
"I don't think he's coming," she said vaguely before ordering something for herself. "Sorry."
"Oh," said Chad blankly. "Did... I do something?"
Kelsi shook her head, looking down at her shoes and then back up at him. "Hey, Chad, can I ask you a question? It's kind of personal and I'm kind of tipsy... it's not the kind of thing I would normally ask."
Chad's frown grew deeper, but still he said, "Shoot."
"Okay... Chad, how many times have you been in love in your life?"
He could feel his eyebrows fly up, a reflexive response. He almost didn't answer--but then he considered. After a few minutes, in which both Chad's and Kelsi's drinks ended up in their respective hands, he firmly said, "Twice."
It was Kelsi's turn to be surprised. "Twice?"
Chad nodded. "Yeah. The first time was Penny Courtos in eighth grade. I adored her. She had no idea I existed, of course."
He got an encouraging smile for his troubles. "Who was the second?"
Chad kept as much control over his voice as he could when he replied in a low voice, "This is going to sound stupid--but it was Ryan." His heart was beating fast. He'd never told anyone this before. "I mean, obviously I've dated people since, even seriously." There was Evan, for instance, and Marcus. Both perfectly nice, but Chad had ended both relationships pretty quickly. And Trisha had lasted all of junior year but Chad never thought he was in love with her, really. "But they never measured up to Ryan. Or maybe just the idea I've always had of Ryan."
Kelsi nodded. "Yeah. That's what I thought."
"Pretty pathetic, huh?"
"No. Not at all." Kelsi took a gulp of her drink and then her face grew serious again. "Good luck, Chad." She reached up and patted him on the shoulder before walking away.
Chad knew at that moment that Ryan wasn't going to come through. And at that moment Chad also knew that this time he wasn't going to just sit there and let Ryan give up like that.
~*~
October 31st, 2017
New York City, New York
Ryan could have gone back to the show the night after he returned from New Mexico, but he decided he deserved another day to wallow. Even though this wasn't that a big deal. He had... you know, only cheated on his boyfriend with the dude he'd been in love with in high school (and who was, in fact, completely responsible for Ryan's present overuse of the word "dude").
Okay, so he was eating Half-Baked Ben & Jerry's out of the carton and watching reruns of the nineteenth season of Degrassi: Next Generation, dammit, and nobody was going to judge him for it.
The doorbell buzzed. Assuming it was more annoying trick-or-treaters, Ryan scowled at it, as if that would do a single thing, and then turned back to the television, where Molly Q. had discovered that her stepmother was pregnant with her boyfriend's child. Then he scowled at the television for having such a stupid plot. He was raising the hand holding the remote to change the channel to something not quite so trashy when the doorbell buzzed again. He ignored it a second time, and promptly his phone began ringing. His ringtone was an old song from college--"I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas--and he yelled "It is not going to be a good night" at it before he answered.
"Hello?" his voice came out froggy. He wondered how long it had been since he'd last spoken to anyone besides the guy who'd delivered his Chinese takeout this morning at four.
"Ryan Evans, what the hell is wrong with you? Let us in."
Ryan sighed. It was Mattie and considering they were attached at the hip and had been for six years, she had probably brought Kelsi along with her. Begrudgingly, he stood to let them in.
Mattie barreled past him when he opened the door, Kelsi not too far behind. Kelsi was a foreboding mass of black leather, while Mattie (who was three inches taller) wore a slinky purple dress: Boris and Natasha. Mattie/Natasha stopped in the middle of the living room, hands on her hips, as she surveyed Ryan's squalor.
"This is pretty gross," commented Kelsi, looking over her shoulder at Ryan as he closed the door.
"'Pretty gross' doesn't even cover it, baby," replied Mattie, turning to Ryan. "I repeat: what the hell is wrong with you? James is the best boyfriend anyone could ask for! Man, I'd ask for him if I could!" She pushed her fingers through her impossibly sleek hair--a wig, since she actually had frizzy curls--and hardly gave him a second before she added, "Well?"
Ryan never knew how to talk to Mattie when she was like this. He gazed at her face and asked, "Did you get your nose pierced?"
She suddenly beamed and said, "Yes! Do you like--hey. Hey. Answer me. It's my night off and Kelsi and I were getting ready for Tanya's Halloween party--which I can't believe you're not going to, by the way--and then Kels tells me you cheated on James and now I have to waste my night trying to fix you up."
This prompted a glare for Kelsi and a roll of the eyes for overdramatic Mattie. "You don't have to fix me up," he told her. "I'm fine. I mean, I'm wallowing a little. But I'm fine."
"Wallowing! James should be the one wallowing!"
Ryan was filled with a sense of deepest unhappiness as he admitted, "James doesn't know that yet."
"What? You haven't even talked to him?"
"I was getting around to it!" Ryan knew he sounded defensive, but he couldn't help it. How could Mattie say that like he didn't care about James or something?
Okay, maybe it seemed like he didn't, but he did. And that was what made it ten times worse.
Mattie grabbed Ryan's cell phone off the coffee table and slapped it into his palm. "Call him. Right now."
Ryan looked at Kelsi, who gave him a look that communicated a mix of "I'm really sorry, please excuse her" and "you know you deserve this, right?" He rolled his eyes and pulled up James' phone number. He hesitated the teeniest bit before hitting dial.
The phone rang four times before someone on the other end picked up. "I'm sorry," blurted out James right away.
Ryan was completely taken aback. "What? You--what?"
"I'm so sorry, Ryan. I should have never yelled at you. I'll make it up to you."
"Um," replied Ryan. He had no idea what to say. What do you say when you call your boyfriend to invite him to a meal where you will tell him that you cheated on him, and he's the first one to apologize? Who did that even happen to? "Uh--okay. It's fine, James. Really. How about, um, we meet for lunch tomorrow? We can talk then."
"That sounds great. Meet you at Jupiter Café? Noon?"
"Yeah. I'll meet you there."
Mattie and Kelsi were both looking expectantly at him when he hung up. "Well?" said Kelsi.
"He... apologized. To me."
"What?" Mattie looked as if she couldn't figure out whether she was angry at Ryan for this or not. "Why?"
"For the fight we had before I left. I guess he felt like it was his fault."
"Was it?" As she spoke, Kelsi stared at an empty bottle of whiskey as if she very much wanted to put in the recycling bin but refused to clean up someone else's mess. "I mean, you didn't really give me any details."
"I'll clean it up, Kelsi. Stop judging me." Ryan took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. "No, it wasn't really his fault. I mean, it was the result of a lot of pent-up tension. You know."
"Okay. Well. So you're having lunch tomorrow?" Ryan nodded. "And you'll clean up?" Ryan nodded again. "And you're fine? You don't need a shoulder to cry on?"
"Not at this particular moment. I might need one when James breaks up with me."
"I don't know if you get a shoulder when you deserve the break-up," Mattie interjected.
"Mattie, shut up and be nice. Okay, Ryan. We're going. You're sure you're fine?"
Was he? He was still kind of freaking out... but now he had a plan. Kind of. "Yes, I'm fine. Go back to partying or whatever you were up to before you came and saved the day. Shoo."
Kelsi kissed him on the cheek as she followed Mattie out of the apartment. The kiss was accompanied with a wink, and Ryan inexplicably felt a hell of a lot better.
~*~
The Jupiter Café was actually one of Ryan's favorite places in the city. It was unfortunate that he knew it was about to be ruined forever.
Ryan was stirring a straw in his chocolate milkshake and absently watching the door, thinking about he was probably about to break up with his boyfriend... and somehow that morphed into a series of images of Chad looking up at him through his eyelashes and running his finger along the shell of Ryan's ear and leaning forward to kiss him hard--
"Ryan!" James was sitting in the seat across from him, smiling at him, the dimple in his left cheek hard to resist. He looked as if he were genuinely happy to see Ryan, and Ryan automatically felt like the world's biggest creep.
"Hey, James. What's up?"
"You already got a milkshake, no fair!"
Ryan rolled his eyes. "You're lactose intolerant."
"Lactose intolerance does not prevent hunger, my friend." James bit his lip and paused for a second before he launched into an apology for not being understanding and attacking Ryan and a million other things that Ryan felt like were all his fault. He lasted about three minutes before he had to interrupt.
"James--don't. I mean. Stop." This won Ryan a confused expression, and Ryan sighed. He continued, "I need to tell you something."
James looked even more bewildered. "What's wrong?"
"I... okay, so over my weekend in Albuquerque I met up with a lot of old friends. It was, um, a lot of fun." He was fishing. He felt truly and absolutely horrible. James' frown grew deeper. "I also met up with, um, Chad. You know. My boyfriend from high school?"
James nodded slowly. "And?"
"And... I slept with him." Ryan said this quickly, as if the faster he said it the less of a douche he was. "And--I'm really sorry, James. I feel terrible about it. It should not have happened. If you want to stay with me, it never will again. Please forgive me."
James was looking at Ryan like he'd grown another head. "You... had sex with a guy you haven't seen in ten years? After seeing him for, what, ten minutes?"
"Well, I'd spent a lot of the day with him..."
"I really don't even know what to say, Ryan."
"Neither do I, to be honest."
They were both quiet. James looked unhappy and thoughtful. Ryan felt unhappy and couldn't stop thinking. About how he did love James, though maybe not the way he should. About how he kind of wished he'd stayed in Albuquerque. About what would happen if he did go back to New Mexico--would he see Chad again? Would Chad kiss him again? Could they be together again? Maybe it had been years but it couldn't be that different, could it?
Normal people didn't have these thoughts, did they?
James voice was almost too quiet to break Ryan's line of thought, but he managed it. "I don't think this is going to work. I can't... date someone who would do something like that without, like, discussing it first or something. I don't know."
Ryan nodded. "I don't blame you." He licked his lips nervously. "Does this mean we're breaking up?"
"Yeah. I think it does."
Ryan didn't even try to stop him as his now ex-boyfriend stood up, pulled on his coat, and walked out of the café, hands in pockets, without another sound. And the fact that he didn't even try told Ryan all he needed to know.
He wished James a good wallowing session.
~*~
November 2nd, 2017
To: gabs@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: URGENT
What is Chad's email address?
Ryan
November 2nd, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: gabs@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: URGENT
Depends on why you want to know. ;)
Love,
Gabriella (and baby!)
November 3rd, 2017
To: gabs@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: URGENT
I think it's time we got back in touch. I think I owe it to him, for some reason.
November 3rd, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: gabs@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: URGENT
You be careful. It's triplethreat14@earthworks.net.
Should I tell you to break a leg or something?
Love,
Gabriella (and baby!)
November 2nd, 2017
To: gabs@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: URGENT
All I can tell you is that it's disarming that I am getting emails from your unborn child as well as from you.
:)
November 3rd, 2017
To: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: I can't believe you still have the same stupid email address
Hey Chad,
Finally got your email from Gabi and thought I'd shoot you a note. I didn't realize I would be writing to the reigning triple threat of East High. Good job, dude. Who knew you'd still be rocking it after all these years?
I'm sorry about ditching you early.
Write back,
Ryan
November 4th, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Dude!
I have told Gabriella multiple times that she was to give this email address to absolutely NOBODY under ANY circumstances. Either I'm going to have to murder you or her. Which do you think it should be? You, the rising Broadway star; her, the four months pregnant star of our hearts? It's a hard choice.
Seriously, though, this email is really supposed to be for, like, Facebook notifications and stuff. Since I'm old-fashioned and still get them emailed to me--I just can't deal with that many texts in one day. I guess I'll make an exception for you... but if you ever want to catch me at work (when it's lunch or something, I mean), my REAL email is cdanforth@emhs.edu.
See, I can be practical. How are you?
Chad
November 4th, 2017
To: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Chad:
You should always choose the Broadway star.
I'm good. I'm ridiculously TIRED, though. They never tell you how hard being the star is. (Okay, too many uses of the word "star" in one email. I apologize.) I've been at rehearsal all day and I have to wake up early because the cast is going to be on the Today show, and so are a few of the kids from the Drama Club. I'm excited, but I would really like to sleep too.
I can't believe you ended up a middle school teacher, by the way. Whatever happened to our shining basketball star? (There I go again.) I'm kidding, I think it's great. :) Don't let those kids down, Danforth. Not that I know a single one of them. Also, I refuse to use your real email. Triplethreat14 is waaay more amusing.
So I've come to Albuquerque. When are you coming to New York to see me?
Ryan
November 6th, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Ryan,
You'd choose yourself over a pregnant woman? You are just as heartless as I'd always thought! (Okay, maybe not really.)
(And don't apologize for using the word "star" too much. We all know that at the very least, it's the most descriptive word when it comes to you.)
Ohhh, the Today show. Of course! I watched, by the way. I Tivoed it and watched it while eating my TV dinner. It was a big affair. You looked fantastic, so did the cast, so did the kids. And speaking of the kids, did you know Georgie Frank is actually in one of my gym classes? I had no idea she was into that stuff--I mean, I signed the release form to let her go to New York for the week and all, but I didn't realize it was for that. Way cool, man. Way cool. (My students make fun of me all the time for saying "way" as a modifier. Also, I can't believe I even know what a modifier is. One of the only of my co-workers I like is an English teacher.)
I'm also amazed I turned out to be a middle school teacher--not as amazed as I am that you're, like, a headliner on, like, 57th Street. It's pretty awesome, man.
(Awesome, dude, and man: also all things that my students think are hilarious.)
So, tell me... why was it you never came to the reunion dance?
Chad
November 7th, 2017
To: kelsinielson@regentsagency.com
CC: foreverfabulous@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: Fw: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Read the attached. WHAT DO I SAY?
November 7th, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: foreverfabulous@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: Fw: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
You're emailing CHAD DANFORTH? And FLIRTING with him?????????? Ryan Evans, what did I tell you???? It will only end in heartbreak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gurl says hi.
Kisses,
Sharpay
November 7th, 2017
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: kelsinielson@regentsagency.com
Subject: Re: Fw: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Tell the truth. If it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be. Mattie wants me to tell you that she has not forgiven you yet. Secretly, I think she wishes she was dating James.
Good luck. You know how much I've always been rooting for you two.
<3,
Kelsi
November 8th, 2009
To: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
From: ryevans@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
Chad:
I was dating someone when I slept with you. I needed to go home and figure it out. I love him, but not the way I should have. We decided it wasn't working out. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry I missed the party. I hope you'll forgive me.
This was kind of stupid to do through email, and I would have rather done it by phone or face-to-face. But we know the second one's not an option... what's your phone number?
Ryan
November 9th, 2009
To: ryevans@earthworks.net
From: triplethreat14@earthworks.net
Subject: Re: I can't believe you still have this stupid email address
My phone number is 821-555-6745.
Call me later? :)
Chad
~*~
December 27th, 2017
Albuquerque, New Mexico
The emails continued, longer and more affectionate by day. The emails ranged from empty observations to actual issues to one-liner jokes to links to the absolute stupidest YouTube videos they could find. After a bit of this, the emails turn into daily IM conversations and texting each other stupid pictures all day long. Ryan was still the bright, sunny, showtunes-obsessed guy he'd been a decade ago; only now he was less intense and more mature, and he'd even gotten back into baseball (although he'd decided for some reason that he was a Yankees fan--horrifying). When they finally graduated to daily phone calls (it took a while to get over the common phone phobia that came with the decade), Chad was happy to learn that Ryan's voice had also gotten about ten times sexier. In no time they were friends again, and neither of them had mentioned the whole sex thing. It was better that way.
Chad liked Ryan. He liked him a lot. And when Ryan spent two hours on the phone with him even though he'd been at rehearsal all day, and then fell asleep as Chad was speaking, it was so adorable it made Chad like him more. Nothing more than that, because there was no way Chad was going to try long distance again.
Anyway, they were friends now. That was when they had been at their best in high school--as friends. Chad didn't want to give that up ever again.
Except Ryan was in New Mexico again for a few days, temptingly close. Chad had not seen him yet, but he knew it was coming. At the moment, the phone in his pocket buzzed. Chad paused the football game he was only sort of watching and fished his cell phone out. His caller ID told him it was Ryan--speak of the devil indeed. "Hello?"
"Save me. Sharpay just broke up with her latest and I can't deal with so many tears. I mean, I must be the worst brother but it's been a week. Want to go see a movie or something?"
"What if we go ice-skating?"
Chad could hear the smile when Ryan replied, "Ice-skating! I've never done that in the southwest. Let's do it."
"Okay. Meet you at one?"
"Got it. See you there."
"Wait--no--we can't. This is going to sound stupid, but I... kind of wanted to watch the last episode of, um, Shirtless and Sizzling. It's a rerun but I haven't seen it yet." Chad coughed out a tiny embarrassed chuckle, but it wouldn't be on for another two months, and it was holiday-themed, and he had developed the most horrifying weakness for the Food Network in the past several months.
Ryan's laugh was not judgmental; instead, it was more surprised and amused. "You mean Zeke's cooking show? Oh God, let's watch it together, please? When is it on?"
"Same time. Around one."
"I'll be there at a quarter 'til. With popcorn."
Forty-five minutes, a shower, a quick clean-up of the apartment, and a tiny glass of wine later, Ryan appeared at Chad's door, a giant can of popcorn in one arm and a grin on his face. "I picked up caramel popcorn. I haven't had any in years, but I figure it's the right time of year to eat things that are bad for me."
"Dude, come in, sit down." Chad took Ryan's coat and hung it up and tried not to think about how much it smelled like Ryan. It took him back to the last time he had gotten a chance to take in that particular scent--the mix of soap and Old Spice and something vaguely rosy--and that just reminded him of the way Ryan's lips felt against his, and the way Ryan had still remembered that Chad loved it when someone pulled on the curl at the nape of his neck.
He swallowed. This was going to be difficult, considering the last time Ryan had been close enough to touch was the night they'd had sex. Chad still couldn't decide whether or not that had been a good idea.
He turned around and saw Ryan in his tight t-shirt and jeans that showed off his dancer's body, sitting on the couch right where Chad had once given him a blow job.
Yeah, this was going to be interesting.
He took a seat on the couch, taking care not to touch Ryan in any way. He didn't even allow his thigh to rest against Ryan's. Neither of them said a word as Chad changed the channel to the Food Network and the ridiculous but cheerful montage of a shirtless Zeke sautéeing various vegetables and sprinkling spices on everything he saw. Big, bold words came on the screen: SHIRTLESS AND SIZZLING with Zeke Baylor.
Chad looked out of the corner of his eye to see Ryan looking as stiff and awkward as he felt. Ryan turned to glance at Chad just as Zeke--in a Santa Claus hat--ripped off his t-shirt and winked charmingly at the audience. This resulted in an eruption of applause from the studio audience and raucous laughter from Ryan and Chad.
"He ripped it off," said Chad breathlessly between guffaws. "And the hat! The hat!"
"Well, the show is called Shirtless and Sizzling," replied Ryan with a sudden straight face. It lasted two seconds before he glanced at Chad again, and they were again clutching their stomachs and leaning against each other, nearly unable to breathe due to laughter.
They missed the first five minutes, in which Zeke explained what he would be preparing that day. There was an array of bowls and food on the counter in front of him, and the counter was decorated with garland and tinsel. Eventually, Ryan and Chad calmed down enough to watch Zeke teach the public how to "spice up their Christmas hams--if you know what I mean."
That started them up again.
They passed the entire hour like this--laughing at their former classmate's antics, and every now and then calming down only to see Zeke wink lasciviously or, at one point, shake his backside playfully at the camera. When that happened, tears were running down Ryan's face.
"That was the best television show that has ever happened to me," Chad declared when the credits were rolling. "Who knew Zeke would get his own hilarious cooking show?"
"Where he cooks shirtless. Well, you know, besides the apron. How did the producers let that slide? Do you think he had pants on?"
Chad tried to express as much horror as possible in his voice when he replied, "Oh, God. Don't make me think about Zeke without pants on. So many bad memories of high school."
Ryan chuckled and stood up to stretch. When he sat back down, he reached over to take a handful of popcorn at the same time Chad did, and the backs of their hands brushed against one another. A burst of nervous energy ran up Chad's arm and nearly made him shiver. He licked his lips.
It didn't appear to affect Ryan at all. He sat back, chewing his popcorn. When he swallowed a bite, he said, "Didn't you say something about ice skating? Does that offer still stand?"
Chad was happy to do something that didn't involve sitting this close to Ryan on a couch they had had really fantastic sex on in an empty apartment where anything could happen. Chad didn't want just anything to happen. "Totally still stands! Let's go," he said, maybe too quickly. He needed to stop this, before he made a big mistake and completely destroyed the friendship they had so carefully built.
~*~
It was true that Ryan had never been ice skating in New Mexico, but he had gone dozens of times since he'd been to New York. He loved ice skating; he loved the grace and the cold and the couples holding hands. He loved that this rink was still recovering from Christmastime festivities: a giant Christmas tree greeted people when they came in through the front door, giant glass bulbs hung over the ice, the walls decorated with garlands and holly. Ryan was in the best mood he'd been since October.
He looked over his shoulder at Chad shuffling along behind him. His face was red and the picture of concentration. Ryan smiled to himself and turned around so he was skating backwards. This caused Chad to give him a look of pure annoyance.
"I thought you said you never ice skated!"
"Not in Albuquerque, but I've lived in New York for ten years." Chad tripped and nearly fell forward; Ryan stepped towards him and grabbed his forearms.
He looked down at Chad and wondered if he had grown during the past several years or had Chad always been this short? And were his eyelashes always that long? And his lips always so full? Ryan hardly noticed that he was leaning forward when Chad suddenly pulled away and tried to skate past him. Of course, rushing unbalanced him, and he fell backwards, landing on his ass.
Ryan couldn't help it when he started laughing again. Chad rolled his eyes and tried to shoot him another look of utmost irritation, but that quickly dissolved into giggles.
Ryan stretched out a hand to help him up, but Chad didn't accept it. Instead he pulled himself up by grabbing onto the wall. When he was standing (quite precariously), he reached behind his neck to pull at the curl at the nape of his neck--the curl that had once been Ryan's favorite curl in the world. It was a nervous habit that hadn't quit at all in the thirteen years they'd known each other.
"Are you okay?" asked Ryan, frowning. He meant his question to be about the fall, but Chad must have caught the way Ryan was watching Chad pull at the curl. He suddenly looked nervous and overly concerned in that way he did when he was embarrassed.
"I'm okay. I promise. Just a little... flustered. I guess."
Ryan nodded. "Sure you don't want me to help you skate?"
"Nah, I'm good." Chad smiled shakily and began to shuffle-skate away. Ryan stood there for another few seconds, hands in his pockets, before he skated after him.
Ryan wanted to kiss Chad. He wanted to be the one pulling that curl; he wanted to hold Chad's hand and pull him around the skating rink; he wanted to do simple things like watch stupid TV shows in the middle of the afternoon, ending with a cuddly nap. Was he missing James, or was this all Chad? He couldn't be sure--until Chad tripped again, and Ryan offered his hand again.
This time, Chad took it. He didn't let go for another ten minutes.
It was definitely all Chad.
That terrified Ryan. He shouldn't have let himself go on a date with Chad. If it led to anything it could only be bad. Ryan was too insecure; too prone to unfaithfulness. But he had once loved Chad with all his heart and been too scared to say so. He was older now, still scared, but a little more ready to handle it. The idea stayed on his mind all afternoon until he realized that maybe it had always been Chad and he just had never recognized it.
Now what was he supposed to do?
~*~
After ice-skating, they went out to dinner, and Ryan was getting text messages every five minutes although he wasn't replying. By text number nineteen, he was looking pretty annoyed. Finally, Chad told him he didn't mind if Ryan wanted to reply.
Ryan shook his head as he powered off the device. "It's just Sharpay. She's being nosy and I don't think she quite approves that I'm on a date with you. Especially since she can't exactly go on dates right now herself."
Chad was more than a little taken aback by that. Not the Sharpay thing, but the being on a date part. "Are we on a date?" He had been under the impression that he was "saving" Ryan from his sister and all related incidents, and that this was merely just a friendly rendezvous. Not a date.
"Is that, ah, not what you thought?" Ryan looked a little embarrassed. In fact, Chad noticed that the shells of his ears were turning pink, like they had in high school.
Why would Chad notice that?
He shook his head very slowly. "Ryan... you live in New York all year. I live here. My life is in Albuquerque."
"I'm in Albuquerque a lot for Sharpay and stuff," replied Ryan earnestly. "There are schools in New York."
Chad's heart was beating so hard it felt like any minute now it would leap up through his throat. "Are you really asking me what I think you're asking me?"
"I mean... not really? But I'm saying, Chad, if we wanted to make it work, we could make it work."
Chad pulled the curl at the nape of his neck and bit his lip. "I gotta go," he said after a moment of Ryan looking at him with puppy dog eyes. He stood up and began to walk away before doubling back to kiss Ryan on the cheek. "I'll think about it. Okay? Maybe."
He headed out the door of the once-beloved Pizza Express, hands in his pockets and shaking his head. His mind was racing and his heart was trying to beat its way through his chest. He walked back to his apartment, a million ideas flashing through his head. He had no idea what he was going to do.
~*~
December 30th, 2017
New York, New York
"He completely freaked out, Kels. Like, he walked out of the restaurant." Ryan took off his hat and twirled it nervously on his finger. "I haven't talked to him since."
"So... if I understand this correctly, you told Chad you thought you two could work, and he just... left?" Kelsi sipped her coffee and glanced out the window, then back to Ryan. "That's not good."
"No." Ryan shook his head and rolled his eyes. "I ruin everything that has to do with him. We were good back in the day."
"You were sickeningly adorable. But I guess at East High, that was 'good.'" Kelsi frowned. "I thought you said you'd been flirting all day."
"We had! All day. We even kind of cuddled on the couch. And there was this weird moment where I think we almost kissed, but then Chad had a slightly less major freakout and skated away."
Kelsi shrugged and they were quiet for a few minutes, just drinking their coffee and staring off into space. "Maybe you should just stop thinking about him, Ryan. He's in Albuquerque. We're here. Even if something was there between you two..."
Ryan sighed. "I know. But I just want to know. You know?"
"You know what would take all of this off your mind? A movie. We should go see a movie."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I hear the remake of Spiderman is actually pretty good. Plus the guy playing Peter Parker is way hot. Even Mattie thinks so."
There was a very good reason Kelsi was still his best friend after all these years.
~*~
December 31st, 2017
Albuquerque, New Mexico
(8:49 PM)
"Hello? Ryan?" Ryan's voice was being drowned in the noise coming from all the people that Chad imagined were around him, and Chad could hardly hear his voice.
Ryan sounded surprised and drunk. "Chad! Chad? Chad! Ummm, wait a second."
Chad waited. Someone in the background said "Ryan, get your ass over here!" to which Ryan replied with a laugh and "Get a room!" New Year's in New York City sounded fun. Finally, Ryan found somewhere that wasn't so loud. By that point, Chad's clock read 8:52 PM.
"Hello?"
Chad grinned. "Hey, man. How's it going?"
"I'm, um, totally drunk. Actually. Um."
"I don't blame you. I'm going over to my sister's in a bit, but you sound like you're having way more fun."
"Are you... calling for any reason?" 8:55 PM.
Was there? Chad didn't know. He'd noticed that it was almost midnight on the east coast, so he'd called the only person who mattered to him there. He wasn't quite sure why. Finally, he decided on replying, "Nah... I just wanted to wish you a happy New Year's."
"That's sweet! No, really! That's sweet!" Ryan's smile shone through his words. "Thank you so much!"
"You're an excited drunk," said Chad, unable to help smiling himself.
"No! Okay, yes. I'm totally excited."
8:58 PM.
"Aren't you going to kiss anyone at midnight?" Chad tried to sound completely nonchalant, but as soon as he asked the question he found he was holding his breath.
The answer he got was "um," followed by a long silence, until Chad thought that Ryan had completely hung up. Suddenly, he could hear the sound of people counting down in the background. He glanced at the clock. It was 8:59.
8, 7, 6...
"Chad? Are you still there? I wish I could--" but he was interrupted by the screams and shouts of Happy New Year and the sound of horns blaring, mixed with the faint sound of Ryan's name being called. "I gotta go, someone's coming." The sound of being hung up on clicked in Chad's ear.
"Okay," Chad said, a little dazedly.
For some reason, he'd thought that Ryan had been completely honest about the two of them being able to make it work. But it sounded like Ryan was going to be kissing someone at midnight and he just didn't want to hurt Chad's feelings. Which was totally valid. Chad just wished that Ryan hadn't led him on.
By the time midnight rolled around in New Mexico, Chad didn't feel much like partying. He drank a margarita one of his sister's friends made for him and tried to participate in a conversation a few of his frat brothers from college were having about whether the Rams or the Packers were going to win the Superbowl, but Chad couldn't take his mind off Ryan. To be honest, he was disappointed, and moreover, he was definitely regretting his reaction to Ryan's sudden proposition just a few days before.
He looked up and saw an ad for Southwest Airlines playing in the middle of the New Year's Eve program on TV, and had a sudden idea.
After all, what better time to go to New York City than the winter?
~*~
January 3rd, 2018
New York City
Ryan was, to say the least, cranky. He'd arrived to the theater an hour early only to find that both Marianne and Mattie were out for the night, forcing him to act alongside two of the more incompetent understudies. Well, the one doing Marianne's part wasn't too bad except for the part when she nearly tripped him during "Good Morning"; but the girl who had been Lina for the night was overall obnoxious. Plus her Lina voice? Was completely and totally real. That was how she always spoke.
The headache he found himself with as he left the theater forty-five minutes after the show had ended, then, was absolutely no surprise. It was rude, he knew, but he was in no mood to deal with the fans that night. He tried to pull down the brim of his hat to avoid being spotted by the few stragglers left standing outside the door, but somebody called his name. He took a deep breath, briefly closed and opened his eyes, and turned around, ready to give a smile and an autograph to a well-meaning father for his teenage daughter.
Except if Chad Danforth had a teenage daughter, Ryan wanted to know every single detail.
"Chad?" he couldn't help it if he sounded utterly bewildered. "What--you're in New York?" He gave his head a tiny shake. "Did you see my show?"
It was snowing lightly, and the flakes fell on Chad's curls and eyelashes in a way that seemed almost out of place, though it still made a charming picture. Chad reached behind his neck to pull at that curl. He bit his lip. Why was he so attractive when he did that? Even as exhausted and cranky as Ryan was, he still wanted to push Chad against the wall and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. Chad smiled so that only one corner of his mouth went up. "Hey, Ryan. Yeah, I saw the show."
Ryan had no idea what to say. "What did you think?"
"Do you want to go get coffee?"
At that point, Ryan couldn't even say words. He just nodded slowly. Chad nodded back, that lopsided smile refusing to go away, and then he started walking towards the main sidewalk. Ryan was on his heels.
"Okay. There's a place I saw nearby."
"Saxby's?"
"Yeah! You've been?"
Ryan rolled his eyes. "The cast basically lives there."
"Good, so you can tell me what to get." Chad looked over his shoulder and the lights shining down from all of the buildings around them caught him perfectly. Ryan was pretty sure he loved every dimple, line, and curl. He wasn't yet sure if that was a problem.
Saxby's was warm and homey; it was like Starbucks but with a more personal feel despite its hundreds of locations all over the country. It was one of Ryan's favorite places to just chill out and forget about all stresses of his life. It had been a favorite date spot when he had been dating James. He wondered if maybe Chad would enjoy it too.
Chad stuck his hands in his pockets awkwardly as he gazed up at the menu and then turned to Ryan. "What's something good that has no coffee?"
Ryan raised his eyebrows. "You don't like coffee?" There went that thought then.
Chad shook his head, shrugging. "It's kind of gross."
"So why'd you ask me if I wanted to come to coffee with you?"
"It seemed the kind of thing people in New York do." He looked around, seeming kind of awed, before he added, "I've never been, you know."
In a gesture of mock-drama, Ryan took his hat off his head and held it to his chest, shaking his head sadly. "You poor, poor thing. Here, get your drink to go. We're going to have an adventure." Fuck his headache. This was more important.
Chad ordered an apple cider and Ryan got his usual caramel macchiato. When they left the store, Ryan took Chad's hand and pulled him towards Forty-Second. They walked down the street talking idly about various things, Chad gazing with awe at pretty much everything (although he was obviously trying to hide it). Ryan kept stealing glances at him, taking joy in Chad's reaction.
Then they got to the corner of the intersection with Seventh and they looked down the street. There were lights everywhere, and it was kind of like information overload. Chad stared up at the skyline, clearly impressed. He looked at Ryan. "This is pretty cool."
"I mean, you see it all the time in the movies and on TV and stuff, but it's never as cool as when you see it for the first time."
"No, yeah, I can see how you would get tired of this." He took a deep breath. "I definitely wouldn't be able to handle it. There's so much going on."
Ryan suddenly had a thought. Why had he thought that Chad would want to see Times Square when there were so many better things to see? He checked his watch. If they hurried... "Do you want to see something else?"
"Whatever you want to show me."
What Ryan wanted to show him was a subway ride and a short bus ride away. They got off in a quieter part of the city, near the harbor. Ryan led Chad through a maze of streets and down a sidewalk through a vast patch of grass, from which they could see the water. They stopped at one particular bench. Ryan was actually surprised nobody was sitting there, but he supposed the time of night (it was nearly one) was stopping everyone else. "After you," said Ryan, sort of bowing and gesturing as gracefully as he could. He wasn't exhausted anymore.
Chad sat down and gazed across the harbor. The skyline was impressive even from here. "Cool, huh?"
"Very."
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Chad cleared his throat. Ryan turned to look at him, and then he and Chad were staring straight into each other's eyes. The glow that fell from the lanterns that lined the fence in front of them shone on Chad's face softly. Ryan leaned closer.
"Ryan?" Chad said quietly, moving back a little. "I... don't really know where to start." Ryan swallowed, no idea where this was heading. He removed his hat from his head and put it on the seat next to him. Then he folded his hands in his lap, waiting for Chad to continue. "Did you know that every day for two years after you broke up with me I thought about calling you and demanding to know your real reasons for breaking up with me? And then I would ask if you were serious that you didn't want to be together?" Chad was pulling at that curl again. Ryan had no idea why, but he felt compelled to reach over, take that hand, and hold it in his own. "I was totally in love with you, dude. Seriously."
"I--"
"Wait, let me finish." Chad looked away towards the water. The snow was still falling lightly, but Ryan wasn't really cold. "Okay, so yeah, I was way in love with you then. But then these past few months, I've been realizing that I never really stopped. That sounds completely stupid and maybe even creepy that I've been pining after you all this time, but you were, like, my first, man. You never get over your first." Faint amusement came over his face. "I mean, look at Troy and Gabriella." Chad turned to Ryan again. "Look, I don't know how serious you are about making it work, but if you are... I mean. I just wanted to let you know. The loving you thing. So ball's in your court."
Ryan didn't even know what to say to that. So he reached for Chad, cradled the back of his head in his hand, and pulled him forward for a kiss. He broke it for only a moment to say, "Leave it to you to end that with a basketball metaphor," and then he was kissing Chad again, and he had no idea how they would make this work, but this was his second chance and no way was he going to fuck this one up.
Later, they were walking back to the bus stop, hand in hand. "I hope you didn't get a room at some fancy hotel," said Ryan.
"I was kind of hoping I could just crash at your place," replied Chad. "Unless you have some other idea--"
Ryan stopped and pulled Chad towards him. "We are going to my apartment. Right now. We may not leave for a few days. When does your plane leave?"
"Thursday." Two days.
"Look at that! All the time in the world."
Epilogue
April 17th, 2018
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Sharpay had never been one much for channel surfing, but on this particular day she was feeling lonely and gross and completely unloved (by everyone except for Gurl, who sat faithfully at Sharpay's feet, which were curled up beneath her on the couch) and channel surfing was an activity that fit that combination of moods perfectly, a pint of Ben & Jerry's on the side. The problem was, everything was boring or just plain stupid. She sped past a Lifetime movie, a television show about two girls with their own video blog, a really old rerun of Desperate Housewives, and a mindless children's cartoon before she saw it--some show called Shirtless and Sizzling on the Food Network. If anything, she thought, it certainly sounded interesting, and so she settled back with her ice cream and spoon and prepared to at least laugh derisively for the next half-hour.
Instead, she found herself staring at the face of the first man she never had to manipulate into a relationship. Zeke Baylor, the man who made her realize that she was actually a likeable person without all the sparkles and stilettos and shouting at people just because she could. She had been pretty in love with him by the end of senior year, and they'd had a relationship for years afterward... the only reason they'd broken up was because Zeke decided to move to California. Gurl barked happily at the television, although Gurl hadn't existed until far after the Zeke era. Sharpay raised her eyebrows as far as they could go when Zeke took off his shirt and put on an apron over his impressive pectorals.
She was sitting here eating ice cream and watching television when she could be sleeping with this guy? She put the television on mute and pulled her cell phone out of the pocket of her fluffy pink bathrobe and dialed Ryan.
"Hello?" he finally answered after three or four rings. He sounded more than a little annoyed.
"Hello, Ry? I know it's spring break here so I know Danforth is there with you, could you ask him a question for me?" Zeke was bending over to open an oven door. Sharpay found herself licking her lips.
"Sure, sis," and Sharpay was so distracted by the sight of Zeke mixing something in a bowl that she hardly noticed when Ryan handed the phone over to Danforth. It was his voice that muttered, also with a hint of irritation like Ryan, "Sharpay? Evans? What's up?"
"Are you still in touch with Zeke Baylor? I need his phone number. Now." Sharpay cleared her throat. "I mean, as soon as possible. Please."
"Well, your brother and I are kind of busy right now--"
"Gross--"
"But I can get Gabriella to email it to you later?"
Zeke spilled a cup of milk on his apron, causing him to pull it off. "That would be great," she replied absent-mindedly (and, it must be said, a tad breathlessly), to a nervous cough/laugh from Danforth, and she pressed the end button on her phone without another word.
There was no reason she could think of that she should be alone tomorrow night.