to the woman in the yellow house (& so many others)
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it's only half true. Distance doesn't just make the heart sigh, it amplifies all feelings, and smothers them, all depending on when and how I choose to release them. It strengthens love, but it also hardens my gaze and my critique and see exactly how you've hurt me, how you've hurt so many of us, seemingly oblivious and unrepentant. Distance doesn't kiss the wounds better when someone I love thinks they've fixed things, only to have them shatter, and then fate presses repeat and watching it happens, one eye shared between 3 old haggard weavers.
But unlike the fates, I have two eyes. While they seem to look in the same direction, keeping me from falling over the leaves that should have all fallen 6 months ago, that should be sprouting greenly from the bare winter branches to keep the daffodils company, really I share them, one is here, fixed on the family that birth gave me, and then the other turns north east, to the family far away that the fates gave me so many miles (well, kilometres, to me, but I'm learning their ways) away. That's why we can beat fate that we are given. We have two eyes. There is always another path.
Still, you know that one email, one message of 'I don't know what happened' or 'I don't know what went wrong', some acknowledgment that when I walked out of Bed-Stuy that day I didn't disappear from you life forever, would change things, mend hearts - not necessarily leave them open to that same love again, but healed. You know that, despite all the hurt you caused, inadvertently or not, I still must thank you for so much (I hope you realise that you, really, should do the same. She's in your life now because I was there in both your lives, in a real role, first) for the people I know because of you, the things I have done because of you, for your role in shaping me to be the person I am now.
And for giving me so much to write about. You will be my base fuel for years to come.
But unlike the fates, I have two eyes. While they seem to look in the same direction, keeping me from falling over the leaves that should have all fallen 6 months ago, that should be sprouting greenly from the bare winter branches to keep the daffodils company, really I share them, one is here, fixed on the family that birth gave me, and then the other turns north east, to the family far away that the fates gave me so many miles (well, kilometres, to me, but I'm learning their ways) away. That's why we can beat fate that we are given. We have two eyes. There is always another path.
Still, you know that one email, one message of 'I don't know what happened' or 'I don't know what went wrong', some acknowledgment that when I walked out of Bed-Stuy that day I didn't disappear from you life forever, would change things, mend hearts - not necessarily leave them open to that same love again, but healed. You know that, despite all the hurt you caused, inadvertently or not, I still must thank you for so much (I hope you realise that you, really, should do the same. She's in your life now because I was there in both your lives, in a real role, first) for the people I know because of you, the things I have done because of you, for your role in shaping me to be the person I am now.
And for giving me so much to write about. You will be my base fuel for years to come.