meltdown
I forgot about live journal. I'm sick of myspace, and apparently in the past 6 months + that I havnt been using this service, no one else has either. or at least none of my 10 "friends"...haha..
Well, what can I tell the uninterested masses that don't really care? Well, I'm completly miserable. That should make at least a few people happy. I work alot because its the only thing that keeps me from thinking too much. When I work, I think about a specific episode of the HBO mini-series "Band of Brothers" where the soldiers liberate a concentration camp somewhere in Germany and make the "innocent" German towns folk (who seemed to be oblivious to the fact that people were being slaughtered by the thousands) burry all the smoldering bodies of the victims. Sometimes I am not sure if I feel like one of the people from the town, the horrified American soldiers, or one of the dead bodies being lined up in a mass grave.
I've cut out all of the meaningless people in my life. I have maybe 2 or three friends, and perhaps whatever random girl I'm talking to at whatever bar (whenever).
Speaking of bars and being completly miserable, I was at a bar with a close friend. He has trouble talking to girls (as I usually do before the obligatory 3 jack and cokes), so I force him to go and talk to this girl. They hit it off and end up talking most of the night. So I start talking to this other girl, who was friends with another friends girlfriend (or something?). About an hour into our conversation, I realize that I'm not just talking, I'm hitting on her. I usually don't hit on girls at bars, or anywhere else actually. I kind of wait for them to drop out of the sky most of the time...which is another story..ANYWAY, we all go to Dennys, and I am being witty and charming and actually TRYING....because...well...it has been a while since I've gotten laid, and it would be nice. I'm witty, charming, polite (and not entirely bad looking if I may say so myself) and at the end of the night I don't get anything. No phone number, no hug. Nothing. It pissed me off to no end. I actually TRIED! and nothing! WTF. Its not as if the girl was way out of my league either. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember her name.
It shouldn't have been a big deal. I should be used to rejection by now. But it was a big deal for some reason.
And of course, the next day, my first ex girlfriend from all the way back in high school calls me. Ever hear that expression "the first cut is always the deepest?" Anyway, she likes to call me every couple of years to make me feel like shit and brag about her $100,000 a year job (even though she dropped out of high school and never went to college) and whatever else. Usually I can deal with it, and brush it off, but it just wasn't my day. She informed me she had gotten married. I should be happy right? Why aren't I? Why whould you call a love interest from your past that you are not friends with, and have barely talked at all this decade? What's the point? What a piece of shit.
There is so much more. So much. I just don't feel like writing anymore.
A meltdown of Texas like perportions is comming soon.
Well, what can I tell the uninterested masses that don't really care? Well, I'm completly miserable. That should make at least a few people happy. I work alot because its the only thing that keeps me from thinking too much. When I work, I think about a specific episode of the HBO mini-series "Band of Brothers" where the soldiers liberate a concentration camp somewhere in Germany and make the "innocent" German towns folk (who seemed to be oblivious to the fact that people were being slaughtered by the thousands) burry all the smoldering bodies of the victims. Sometimes I am not sure if I feel like one of the people from the town, the horrified American soldiers, or one of the dead bodies being lined up in a mass grave.
I've cut out all of the meaningless people in my life. I have maybe 2 or three friends, and perhaps whatever random girl I'm talking to at whatever bar (whenever).
Speaking of bars and being completly miserable, I was at a bar with a close friend. He has trouble talking to girls (as I usually do before the obligatory 3 jack and cokes), so I force him to go and talk to this girl. They hit it off and end up talking most of the night. So I start talking to this other girl, who was friends with another friends girlfriend (or something?). About an hour into our conversation, I realize that I'm not just talking, I'm hitting on her. I usually don't hit on girls at bars, or anywhere else actually. I kind of wait for them to drop out of the sky most of the time...which is another story..ANYWAY, we all go to Dennys, and I am being witty and charming and actually TRYING....because...well...it has been a while since I've gotten laid, and it would be nice. I'm witty, charming, polite (and not entirely bad looking if I may say so myself) and at the end of the night I don't get anything. No phone number, no hug. Nothing. It pissed me off to no end. I actually TRIED! and nothing! WTF. Its not as if the girl was way out of my league either. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember her name.
It shouldn't have been a big deal. I should be used to rejection by now. But it was a big deal for some reason.
And of course, the next day, my first ex girlfriend from all the way back in high school calls me. Ever hear that expression "the first cut is always the deepest?" Anyway, she likes to call me every couple of years to make me feel like shit and brag about her $100,000 a year job (even though she dropped out of high school and never went to college) and whatever else. Usually I can deal with it, and brush it off, but it just wasn't my day. She informed me she had gotten married. I should be happy right? Why aren't I? Why whould you call a love interest from your past that you are not friends with, and have barely talked at all this decade? What's the point? What a piece of shit.
There is so much more. So much. I just don't feel like writing anymore.
A meltdown of Texas like perportions is comming soon.