I’m white, and by white, I mean peach crayons
So I’m white. This usually doesn’t bother me, except when I dance with black people and they laugh just hard enough to make me realize that I’m somewhere between really funny and really a dumb ass. I work with several black people (and all of you racially sensitive people can just go ahead and get over the fact that I’m not using the term “african american”) who are all significantly cooler than I am. Yesterday Jamika and Kristen tried to teach me the “tootsie roll” dance, and I immediately started dancing along and they immediately had to leave the cubical because what I was doing was apparently not the tootsie roll.
Today I danced with Caprenia, who stars in local television commercials, and who was queen of her college and I have a photo on my desktop to prove it. Caprenia told me that she never really saw me as a white person before today, but today I went from being a cool friend to a white boy who clearly is not capable of dancing. I told her to give me a second chance, and I started dancing with more intentionality, and she had to walk away, and she said that clearly, I would never be with a black woman. I confessed that she was probably right. Caprenia actually said all of these things to Larry as well, who was dancing with me the whole time. Larry is also white.
The other day Jamika told me something. It was something like, “Brian do you have my stapler?” Ignore for the time-being that the preceding quotation was a question and not a statement (contrary to the suggestion of the first sentence of this paragraph). I told her that I didn’t, and then I said “don’t be a player hater.” Jamika started to chastise me, telling me that I was not using that term correctly. I told her that I didn’t even play sports. Then she told me to shut up. Then I said “watch this”, and then I danced my heart out. Then my boss walked by and I sat down really fast.
Also, tonight I played poker with a bunch of guys from new zealand. I learned that it is best to look at your cards when making bets in poker games.
Brian T. Murphy
Today I danced with Caprenia, who stars in local television commercials, and who was queen of her college and I have a photo on my desktop to prove it. Caprenia told me that she never really saw me as a white person before today, but today I went from being a cool friend to a white boy who clearly is not capable of dancing. I told her to give me a second chance, and I started dancing with more intentionality, and she had to walk away, and she said that clearly, I would never be with a black woman. I confessed that she was probably right. Caprenia actually said all of these things to Larry as well, who was dancing with me the whole time. Larry is also white.
The other day Jamika told me something. It was something like, “Brian do you have my stapler?” Ignore for the time-being that the preceding quotation was a question and not a statement (contrary to the suggestion of the first sentence of this paragraph). I told her that I didn’t, and then I said “don’t be a player hater.” Jamika started to chastise me, telling me that I was not using that term correctly. I told her that I didn’t even play sports. Then she told me to shut up. Then I said “watch this”, and then I danced my heart out. Then my boss walked by and I sat down really fast.
Also, tonight I played poker with a bunch of guys from new zealand. I learned that it is best to look at your cards when making bets in poker games.
Brian T. Murphy