one big circle
So, i never really update about what's going on in my life anymore, and i thought maybe i should.
I'm almost done with my freshman year of college at Georgia State, and I must say, what an adventure it has been. There are only two weeks left, everyone trying to cram school, finals and the parties they won't be able to attend in the summer in within these last two weeks. The sun finally came out of the closet, the weather has been perfect almost everyday...you see all the kids you met at the beggining of the year come out of hibernation and back out into the world. All i can think about is how the heck i'm going to get all this crap toted back home, and what it's going to be like living with my family again. I really have no desire to see most kids from high school. It's kind of funny to read all these senior's entries about the colleges they've been accepted to, or how excited they are. I finally get to work a real job for the first time, and i'm pretty excited. I'm going to be a server at a restaurant and maybe i'll teach swim lessons or work at the Gwinnett Civic Center when concerts come to town. Either way, i'm going camping with a group of IB kids after finals are over and then I'm headed off to California for two weeks for my cousin's graduation and then we're taking a cruise to Alaska for a week. I can't wait to see how that is, i've only heard good things, even though i figured only older couples take cruises to Alaska. I'll get to spend some time on Haight/Ashbury where all the hippies protested in the 60's and 70's and check out the harbors in San Francisco. I was too young to appreciate that city before we left there and moved to Atlanta. I think everyone should go to California sometime within their lives. It's a very diverse place, with all sorts of surprises around the corner. Up through the redwood forests, down to Hollywood Hills, there's something for everyone.
The rest of the summer will consist of swim team (i'm still old enough), hangning out with my parents (heh), making some trips back down to the city to see the kids that were lucky enough to get houses and apartments, and hopefully catching up on whatever and whoever else i've missed over the course of the year. Not to mention any excuse to drive my car, so that means lots of roadtrips. I would hope that anyone who may still read this ol thing and would like to ride alongside me in the passenger seat would let me know, because i can't always go by myself. I'll end up lost in Texas or something. But i have a really good feeling about this summer.
Next year will be good too, whether I end up at Perimeter or back here at State. Having Tech right across the street is just like going to two different colleges, minus the work. It's beautiful.
My relationships with people have grown and I have made lots of new friends, but not a lot of boys. Since the beggining of high school, love interests seem to come in seasons. Winter is always dormant, but once spring swings back around, they're knockin' at the door and the phone rings off the hook. Through summer they either become good friends or drop off like flies, and then fall brings in the boys that are desperate to get something started before the cold winter sneaks in. It was hard losing a boy this year that was my best friend for almost 2 years to college, but Emory has found a better girl for him right now, and i don't really ever talk to him that often, but i just hope he's happy and doing alright. I've never been one out to search for lonely singles...i'm not easily attracted to people by much other than chemistry. To find that kind of connection is difficult, so most of this year has kept me alone. It's also hard after you've been with someone that you feel was just right; I always have that set standard ahead when analyzing some guy i met through a friend at some party, and it makes me a lot less open to accept anything other than what i had. Courtney said i should never settle for anything less than i deserve, and she's right. Sometimes i'll look at a boy and think i could like him, but i always wonder if it's just because I feel he is my only option. I don't even really like talking about boys much anymore, it just seems boring. Nobody really ever stands out to me. All that's left is that kid that wants a kiss or a drunken night, and i'm so bored with those ideas that seem so young and silly, now, something i would have given so much for way back when. I have 4 dates lined up in the next couple weeks, all with different people; something most would be proud of, but nothing I ever look forward to. It's almost like i'm afraid or something. I just kind of like being by myself, i don't mind it too much until it gets to those lonely nights in bed when i could really use someone to just talk to and feel their body heat against my back. Just to know someone else is there. I've lost the taste for a good chase. No challenge anymore.
I went to a drag show last weekend, Braves games, a fun gay party, and earlier today there was a small-dog-sized cockroach on our kitchen counter, but Russ came over from across the hall and exterminated it for us. My roommate Joanna has had to tell me almost one hundred times since last week that i'm too loud. But she's a good roommate, and even if she never reads this, i want to tell everyone that. We shouldn't live together too long, but she's a good friend, and really fun. I hope everyone likes their roommates, especially for next year. Courtney and Gina, Stewart and Daniel, Ashlee and Sharina, and then me, by myself. But that's the best part. I'll get to meet 3 new girls.
Nelly the rapper is filming a music video in my neighborhood.
With Beyonce and the Yin-Yang twins. Sweet.
I've moved on to trying new things. Rob Abraham convinced me tonight that i'm going to major in PR or event planning, so i'm going to work on that. My classes for next semester are going to be a speech class, acting (finally), Media, Culture and Society, Geography with a Lab, and history. I'm looking forward to it. I talked with Stokes last night, and it was kind of nice. Lots of good music to look forward too, this summer...Bonnaroo, Music Midtown, country music festivals, Hanson, Something Corporate and Coheed and Cambria. Oh, rock.
I know that a lot of times i don't read entries all the way, i just like to see if my name is in it, and i want everyone that i've been thinking of lately that i don't always write about that i would love to write about them and just know that i think about them sometimes. Not even everyone will read this, but maybe one day. So here is who i'm thinking of tonight
Taryn (because i can hear her laughing outside my window) as well as Meredith Gunter and Kate and Marty and Phill and all those kids whose names i don't know that sit outside on the smoking bench every night, Courtney and Ryan Frost, Dan Bartlett, Stewart, Gina4bina, ashlee glenn, Kym the CA on the first floor, Rachel and Kaitlyn and Dan Altman, William McCanless, Tippit and Jaime, the boys in room 109 and Harrison, Kate his ex girlfriend, Stokes and all her lesbian crew, Douglas, Stokes' roommates Alison Uzmann and Morgan, Melissa Scholz and Trey Lawrence, Kenneth Eller Jackson, his friend Jessi Olsen that just died from Northview and David that died last 2 years ago from there, Taylor Upton, Emory Shelnutt, his new girlfriend Randi and Stephen Clausen, Xan, Matthew Prohaska and Delta Chi boys and Emmanuel, and Joanna my roomie, tyler breisch and justin her boyfriend and Brandon Beasley, Joelle, and Rob Abraham, Brandt Hacker. Mike Gowen of course, and Jay Garrell and Andrea Tabor all the time like Ashley Bostic too. Laura Halmo and Megan Grammens, Lindsey Emerson, Michael Panone, Al Enger, Jan, Elizabeth and Brett Ryan, Adam Moore, Kassie, Katie Ruhl, Braden, Molly molly molly, Jim too, Alex Foege, Daniel Delamater i'm always wondering about, John Vournakis, Marie Fagan, Kelly Fagan, Ryan Fussell, Anna Fearon, coach coury, coach Haybeck and her husband Ben, Kelly Coury, and my sister and her ex boyfriend brandon, my cousin sean, and erin, my mom a lot, and my dad a ton too, and my grandmother who is so excited to see me soon. All my old friends from California that i went to elementary school with. I think about Duncan meadows and Alex, Danny prescott, Fernando, my elizabeth heights and how much i miss her, Christopher Ewald, Katie Ewald, Matt Weilbacher and Chase Schell, crazy Eric, Phil Bourquin, Kate from Clemson, Michael Matia, Blake and Brian Renken, Zack Whigam, Jason Plamp, Jennifer Burt and Joe and Jordan Zigenbein...Z. Alex Torrey and Kendall, mike roth and jeremy najar because that's whose house where Nelly is filming his video. All the kids from the dude ranch in colorado, Chris Grimes, Wesley Shelnutt and Meredith Emory's brother and sister, his family and those kids that live across the street from him. David Sterritt and Courtney's sister Chelsea. Russ, Brandon, Tim and George across the hall from me, Kirk Stafford who said he knew i was a Christian, he could just tell, Kassie Humphrey and Rachel, and Bobby Ticknor, Joel Hughes and Ashley Klanac, Krissie, and Hallie and Stephen Simon and Becky Brannen. Lee Titsworth, Michael Gay and those names shouldn't go together, Taylor Mock and Drew Hinsch, Kristen Cooper and Tianna and all those kids from my old FLC, Peter and Richard Diekman, Jennifer and James, poor poor Simon, that 80's boy that always picks up trash that's around, Sarah jane kirby, Caitlin;Taylor's old girlfriend, Matt Filer, Kyle Knox, Marlyce, Ashley Meyers. Vanessa Terrell, Anne that I was going to start a band with, my other roommates Morgan and Lendall, Rob Weber, Laura Lorenzeti, Lauren Keys, Amy Storey and her crazy pictures and Deanna Panetta and our old journalism class, and www.kingdomofloathing.com. Guruav, the boy that follows me around the lunch room or on campus. But the thing i think about the most, i can't decide if i want or if i don't want to go home.
I don't really know the point of all that, but it just made me feel a little better.
and mike gowen got a livejournal tonight because he read mine and wanted to write too.
that's what i live for, folks.
not much longer to go, but it goes fast when i want it to go slow, and too slow when i want it to go fast.
i don't feel like this is finished yet, but we'll worry about all that later.
Something Corporate
Me and the Moon
It’s a good year for a murder
She’s praying to Jesus
She’s pulling the trigger
There’s no tears
Cause he’s not here
She washes her hands
And she fixes the dinner
But soon they’ll be coming to rush her away
No one’s so sure if her crime had a reason
But reasons like seasons they constantly change
And the seasons of last year like reasons have floated, away
Away with this spilled milk
Away with this dirty dishwater
Away
Seventeen years and all that he gave was a daughter
It’s me and the moon she says
I got no trouble with that
And I am a butterfly but you wouldn't let me die
It's me and the moon she says
And it's over, it just started
The blood stained the carpet
Her heart like a crystal
She's lucid and departed
A life left behind she can find in her mind, gone away
Away with these nightmares
Away with suburbia shakedown
Away
You marry a role
and you give up your soul till you break down
It’s me and the moon she says
I got no trouble with that
And I am a butterfly but you wouldn't let me die
It's me and the moon she says
But what do you say we go for a ride
What do you say we get high
But I'm so tired of days that feel like the night
It’s me and the moon she says
and I've got no trouble with that
I am a butterfly but you wouldn't let me die
I am a butterfly but you wouldn't let me die
I am a butterfly
goodnight.
I'm almost done with my freshman year of college at Georgia State, and I must say, what an adventure it has been. There are only two weeks left, everyone trying to cram school, finals and the parties they won't be able to attend in the summer in within these last two weeks. The sun finally came out of the closet, the weather has been perfect almost everyday...you see all the kids you met at the beggining of the year come out of hibernation and back out into the world. All i can think about is how the heck i'm going to get all this crap toted back home, and what it's going to be like living with my family again. I really have no desire to see most kids from high school. It's kind of funny to read all these senior's entries about the colleges they've been accepted to, or how excited they are. I finally get to work a real job for the first time, and i'm pretty excited. I'm going to be a server at a restaurant and maybe i'll teach swim lessons or work at the Gwinnett Civic Center when concerts come to town. Either way, i'm going camping with a group of IB kids after finals are over and then I'm headed off to California for two weeks for my cousin's graduation and then we're taking a cruise to Alaska for a week. I can't wait to see how that is, i've only heard good things, even though i figured only older couples take cruises to Alaska. I'll get to spend some time on Haight/Ashbury where all the hippies protested in the 60's and 70's and check out the harbors in San Francisco. I was too young to appreciate that city before we left there and moved to Atlanta. I think everyone should go to California sometime within their lives. It's a very diverse place, with all sorts of surprises around the corner. Up through the redwood forests, down to Hollywood Hills, there's something for everyone.
The rest of the summer will consist of swim team (i'm still old enough), hangning out with my parents (heh), making some trips back down to the city to see the kids that were lucky enough to get houses and apartments, and hopefully catching up on whatever and whoever else i've missed over the course of the year. Not to mention any excuse to drive my car, so that means lots of roadtrips. I would hope that anyone who may still read this ol thing and would like to ride alongside me in the passenger seat would let me know, because i can't always go by myself. I'll end up lost in Texas or something. But i have a really good feeling about this summer.
Next year will be good too, whether I end up at Perimeter or back here at State. Having Tech right across the street is just like going to two different colleges, minus the work. It's beautiful.
My relationships with people have grown and I have made lots of new friends, but not a lot of boys. Since the beggining of high school, love interests seem to come in seasons. Winter is always dormant, but once spring swings back around, they're knockin' at the door and the phone rings off the hook. Through summer they either become good friends or drop off like flies, and then fall brings in the boys that are desperate to get something started before the cold winter sneaks in. It was hard losing a boy this year that was my best friend for almost 2 years to college, but Emory has found a better girl for him right now, and i don't really ever talk to him that often, but i just hope he's happy and doing alright. I've never been one out to search for lonely singles...i'm not easily attracted to people by much other than chemistry. To find that kind of connection is difficult, so most of this year has kept me alone. It's also hard after you've been with someone that you feel was just right; I always have that set standard ahead when analyzing some guy i met through a friend at some party, and it makes me a lot less open to accept anything other than what i had. Courtney said i should never settle for anything less than i deserve, and she's right. Sometimes i'll look at a boy and think i could like him, but i always wonder if it's just because I feel he is my only option. I don't even really like talking about boys much anymore, it just seems boring. Nobody really ever stands out to me. All that's left is that kid that wants a kiss or a drunken night, and i'm so bored with those ideas that seem so young and silly, now, something i would have given so much for way back when. I have 4 dates lined up in the next couple weeks, all with different people; something most would be proud of, but nothing I ever look forward to. It's almost like i'm afraid or something. I just kind of like being by myself, i don't mind it too much until it gets to those lonely nights in bed when i could really use someone to just talk to and feel their body heat against my back. Just to know someone else is there. I've lost the taste for a good chase. No challenge anymore.
I went to a drag show last weekend, Braves games, a fun gay party, and earlier today there was a small-dog-sized cockroach on our kitchen counter, but Russ came over from across the hall and exterminated it for us. My roommate Joanna has had to tell me almost one hundred times since last week that i'm too loud. But she's a good roommate, and even if she never reads this, i want to tell everyone that. We shouldn't live together too long, but she's a good friend, and really fun. I hope everyone likes their roommates, especially for next year. Courtney and Gina, Stewart and Daniel, Ashlee and Sharina, and then me, by myself. But that's the best part. I'll get to meet 3 new girls.
Nelly the rapper is filming a music video in my neighborhood.
With Beyonce and the Yin-Yang twins. Sweet.
I've moved on to trying new things. Rob Abraham convinced me tonight that i'm going to major in PR or event planning, so i'm going to work on that. My classes for next semester are going to be a speech class, acting (finally), Media, Culture and Society, Geography with a Lab, and history. I'm looking forward to it. I talked with Stokes last night, and it was kind of nice. Lots of good music to look forward too, this summer...Bonnaroo, Music Midtown, country music festivals, Hanson, Something Corporate and Coheed and Cambria. Oh, rock.
I know that a lot of times i don't read entries all the way, i just like to see if my name is in it, and i want everyone that i've been thinking of lately that i don't always write about that i would love to write about them and just know that i think about them sometimes. Not even everyone will read this, but maybe one day. So here is who i'm thinking of tonight
Taryn (because i can hear her laughing outside my window) as well as Meredith Gunter and Kate and Marty and Phill and all those kids whose names i don't know that sit outside on the smoking bench every night, Courtney and Ryan Frost, Dan Bartlett, Stewart, Gina4bina, ashlee glenn, Kym the CA on the first floor, Rachel and Kaitlyn and Dan Altman, William McCanless, Tippit and Jaime, the boys in room 109 and Harrison, Kate his ex girlfriend, Stokes and all her lesbian crew, Douglas, Stokes' roommates Alison Uzmann and Morgan, Melissa Scholz and Trey Lawrence, Kenneth Eller Jackson, his friend Jessi Olsen that just died from Northview and David that died last 2 years ago from there, Taylor Upton, Emory Shelnutt, his new girlfriend Randi and Stephen Clausen, Xan, Matthew Prohaska and Delta Chi boys and Emmanuel, and Joanna my roomie, tyler breisch and justin her boyfriend and Brandon Beasley, Joelle, and Rob Abraham, Brandt Hacker. Mike Gowen of course, and Jay Garrell and Andrea Tabor all the time like Ashley Bostic too. Laura Halmo and Megan Grammens, Lindsey Emerson, Michael Panone, Al Enger, Jan, Elizabeth and Brett Ryan, Adam Moore, Kassie, Katie Ruhl, Braden, Molly molly molly, Jim too, Alex Foege, Daniel Delamater i'm always wondering about, John Vournakis, Marie Fagan, Kelly Fagan, Ryan Fussell, Anna Fearon, coach coury, coach Haybeck and her husband Ben, Kelly Coury, and my sister and her ex boyfriend brandon, my cousin sean, and erin, my mom a lot, and my dad a ton too, and my grandmother who is so excited to see me soon. All my old friends from California that i went to elementary school with. I think about Duncan meadows and Alex, Danny prescott, Fernando, my elizabeth heights and how much i miss her, Christopher Ewald, Katie Ewald, Matt Weilbacher and Chase Schell, crazy Eric, Phil Bourquin, Kate from Clemson, Michael Matia, Blake and Brian Renken, Zack Whigam, Jason Plamp, Jennifer Burt and Joe and Jordan Zigenbein...Z. Alex Torrey and Kendall, mike roth and jeremy najar because that's whose house where Nelly is filming his video. All the kids from the dude ranch in colorado, Chris Grimes, Wesley Shelnutt and Meredith Emory's brother and sister, his family and those kids that live across the street from him. David Sterritt and Courtney's sister Chelsea. Russ, Brandon, Tim and George across the hall from me, Kirk Stafford who said he knew i was a Christian, he could just tell, Kassie Humphrey and Rachel, and Bobby Ticknor, Joel Hughes and Ashley Klanac, Krissie, and Hallie and Stephen Simon and Becky Brannen. Lee Titsworth, Michael Gay and those names shouldn't go together, Taylor Mock and Drew Hinsch, Kristen Cooper and Tianna and all those kids from my old FLC, Peter and Richard Diekman, Jennifer and James, poor poor Simon, that 80's boy that always picks up trash that's around, Sarah jane kirby, Caitlin;Taylor's old girlfriend, Matt Filer, Kyle Knox, Marlyce, Ashley Meyers. Vanessa Terrell, Anne that I was going to start a band with, my other roommates Morgan and Lendall, Rob Weber, Laura Lorenzeti, Lauren Keys, Amy Storey and her crazy pictures and Deanna Panetta and our old journalism class, and www.kingdomofloathing.com. Guruav, the boy that follows me around the lunch room or on campus. But the thing i think about the most, i can't decide if i want or if i don't want to go home.
I don't really know the point of all that, but it just made me feel a little better.
and mike gowen got a livejournal tonight because he read mine and wanted to write too.
that's what i live for, folks.
not much longer to go, but it goes fast when i want it to go slow, and too slow when i want it to go fast.
i don't feel like this is finished yet, but we'll worry about all that later.
Something Corporate
Me and the Moon
It’s a good year for a murder
She’s praying to Jesus
She’s pulling the trigger
There’s no tears
Cause he’s not here
She washes her hands
And she fixes the dinner
But soon they’ll be coming to rush her away
No one’s so sure if her crime had a reason
But reasons like seasons they constantly change
And the seasons of last year like reasons have floated, away
Away with this spilled milk
Away with this dirty dishwater
Away
Seventeen years and all that he gave was a daughter
It’s me and the moon she says
I got no trouble with that
And I am a butterfly but you wouldn't let me die
It's me and the moon she says
And it's over, it just started
The blood stained the carpet
Her heart like a crystal
She's lucid and departed
A life left behind she can find in her mind, gone away
Away with these nightmares
Away with suburbia shakedown
Away
You marry a role
and you give up your soul till you break down
It’s me and the moon she says
I got no trouble with that
And I am a butterfly but you wouldn't let me die
It's me and the moon she says
But what do you say we go for a ride
What do you say we get high
But I'm so tired of days that feel like the night
It’s me and the moon she says
and I've got no trouble with that
I am a butterfly but you wouldn't let me die
I am a butterfly but you wouldn't let me die
I am a butterfly
goodnight.