Ramblings of a Overactive Mind
I will be leaving for Edmonton Alberta this Sunday. It is not my hometown, but I live there briefly with my father. I’m a big city girl, but I lived most of my life in a medium sized logging town, so it will be nice to go back. Some of my happiest memories set place there. People say big cities are impersonal, yet that is what I like about it - you can’t get close enough to get hurt. I have visited there many times since my father’s passing, I was there for a night last year as part of a leg of my journey to Cuba, yet this seems different. I have accepted many truths in the past few days. I will die much in the same way as my father - alone, but not lonely or unhappy. People think people physically disabled like me and my father sit as the world goes by, yet my father didn’t, and nor will I. We simply participate life in a much different way. My father was a free spirit, as am I. Relationships are cages, or at the very least, leashes. People like me, and like my father was, can’t be leashed because attachment just hurts people like us and we hurt the people on the other end of the leash. We still love, yet we love freely. We love freely, with no bias, but we distant ourselves, as to not get hurt or hurt the ones we love. People may think this to be impersonal, yet it is for everyone’s benefit. I’m okay with never being leashed. My potential is too great.
Sorry I kinda rambled. My best friend pretty much confirmed she was marrying her boyfriend of just one year next spring (see one of my previous posts). I am zipping my lips about my opinion on the matter, yet it`s sad because she called herself an ‘idiot’ for going through with this. I think she has doubts about this. I think that her rational mind thinks that she is making a mistake. If it does turn out to be a mistake, it is going to hurt two very nice, very young people for the rest of their lives. But this is their mistake to make; all I can do is pray and watch through parted fingers.
In other news, my childhood best friend just got engaged to her baby`s daddy (who happens to be my fricking step-cousin!)… for the second time. I know I am being cynical about marriage, but sorry, I KNOW that is going to be a train wreck. Especially since she is still seeing another man.
But my cousin and her boyfriend of five years just got engaged. They have lived together for the past two and a half and are waiting another year before tying the knot. Now THAT`S the way to do it.
Shit. I totally should have used that time to finishing HTF before I leave on my trip. But I do feel much better