We can dance together and we can dance forever...
Wow, i really havent blogged in such a long time. I never been good with words. But its been awhile, so i feel like i should, so here goes!
Where to start? I suck at this lol.
Hmmmm...
.....
Im going to go dance for a little bit. Tee hee!
Okay, okay, im back. Lets put some music on, i feel like Adagio for strings by Mr Sam Barber. Oh yeah, thats good stuff.
Well, i been living in martinez for over two years now, i can barely remember what it was like to live in daly city. I actually am so glad i moved away, it was really good for me to step back from the craziness of my life back there, and take a breather and discover who i really am as a person. I feel like i have found it, although the journey has been long, and i still am finding things out about myself everyday, but for the most part, i feel as i know who i am, what im capable of doing, which is anything and everything i put my mind to. Ive gotten a lot closer to my family being up here, making the effort to hang out with my cousins, making the most of the time we have left in this earth, because when it comes down to it, your family is who you are. Im starting to open up to my grandma alot more, but not as much as i think i should. She is just way too old fashioned to understand my generation, but i dont blame her for that. I love my grandma and grandpa for everything they do for me, i know all they want me to do in life is succeed, and i will succeed, just not in the field she wants me to be in. My mom is starting to date again, meeting random guys from Eharmony and making the most of it. She is such an inspiration to me, holding this family together through all the drama and shit we have faced, to still be a pillar of such great strength is amazing. I love you mom. My sisters and I are drifting, not in a bad way, just in the way it is when you grow up and start to really have your own lives. We are also closer than ever before. Just a different type of close. My dad and i have come to that point where we agree to disagree. We both know we cant live with each other, because we just come to arguements and fights about everything, because our views on life is drastically different. I still love him, but we come to that point in life where he is merely in the background, as i move forward with or without his support.
I picked up dancing when i moved out here. I always loved dancing my whole life, but to actually practice a craft has been one of the most rewarding experiences i ever had. Music is so much more alive, when you can ride the melodies, the beats, the feeling. It also has raised my self confidence so much more, just knowing I can totally own the dance floor. Stepping onto the floor when the music floods my ear, just takes me away. Fuck if anybody is watching, fuck what you think, im having fun. I actually auditioned and made the crew DS Players last year, which was HUGE. DSP is one of the most well respected crew in the world, and to be able to join the ranks of such great individuals was a great honor. I struggled with it though, not being able to dedicate myself fully to the crew, with school and work and driving back and forth. Quite a shame, but i just had to quit. Its okay though, i still get to dance with my best friends and family, Riff Raff Rookies and Outta Shape crew represent son. Dancing has opened up a whole new world to me.
Friends. I sometimes think i have too many, as in its impossible to be able to keep in contact and kick it with everybody. I feel as my daly city friends are all moving in different directions, i dont even know whats going on anymore. People are moving out, moving in, going here, going there, doing this, doing that, i cant keep up. I dont even recieve invites to the small things anymore, like friday night hangouts, or game nights, just because they know i cant make it. It seems like the only time i see everybody is at someones birthday, which hasnt been since Jeans. and even than, not everybody was there, and its hard to catch up with people in large groups. As for i4, they told me straight up im the glue. I dont understand it, they all live within walking distance from each other, yet they only get together when im in town. I cant comprehend it. But its still good to see them when i do, only kevin, chris, and jb can make me laugh until i cry. I was really dissapointed in Chris, when i tried to organize a birthday dinner for him, he didnt even bother to request it off. What can i say though, he has always been like that. Thats chris, is what everybody always says. He has frances now though, and i know she makes him happy, so thats cool. Im going to be kicking it with kevin alot when i go to state, hitting up them pool halls again. I miss playing pool. Something about the precision and the concentration the game takes. So ill most likely be taking excalibur with me everywhere on my bike, hitting up family billiards and rack n cue.
My concord/martinez/pittsburg friends are amazing people. They are just a different type of people than what im used to, but also the same in some way. Good people is what they are. The bromance! Justin is a crazy mutha fucka who stresses the fuck out of me sometimes, but i still know he is a good guy, and we got each others back no matter what. Scott is my video game buddy, dont know how he is so good at games, fucking asians. Doran is also a crazy fuck, holy shit, dude makes me laugh. Real nigga, keeps it straight up, doesnt front which i love. Out of all the guys, i find myself being the closest to Mikey, he just understands where im coming from, and we have more common interests than the other guys. Plus he has been open to learning new things from me, and he has been teaching me how to box, at the end of summer im planning on asking him to go three rounds with me and not hold back, just to see how i would do. I havent really gotten super close with any girls besides Shauna and erin. Jackie has been unbelievably cool too. Erin always has a smile on her face and has been so sweet with me, getting me flowers when i lost my uncle and cookie. She always comes to me for advice, and i treat her like my little sister.
School. FUCKING LAST SEMESTER AT A COMMUNITY COLLEGE. can you believe this shit? Skyline, San Mateo, City, and DVC. six years. shit man. Its been a rocky ride with my education, changing majors a couple times, only to go back to my original inspiration in life, psychology. I swear, Mr Zuardo changed my life forever, i only hope as a teacher i can do a fraction of the good he has done for me. I plan on getting my bachelors from Sf state, and going to East Bay to get my teaching credentials. Im excited to teach, i want to start now already, but i know i still have a lot to learn. Im worried i will struggle at state, i really need to focus. Its just so hard with me being such a social creature, and being in the city! ahh, drool at all the possibilites, the people i will meet, the experiences i will have, the lessons i will learn. I welcome them all with open arms.
My back is starting to flare up again, cuz im crouched over my laptop in my bed, not very good.
What else is on my mind? Oh yeah, her.
Shauna.
Shauna Lyn.
Shauna Lyn Smedley.
Miss BlueSilverStar, whos livejournal i ran into in a different life.
What to say about Shauna?
She is my best friend.
Regardless of all the other drama and shit going on, she is my best friend. In all the people i have met in my life, there has never been one like her. I have bared my soul to her, something i have never done in my life. I have shared secrets i have swore i would never tell another. She is making me grow so much as a person. What is so special about this girl, you ask? She is amazing. She gets me, without a doubt in my mind, she understands me, who i am, why i do some of the things i do, she knows what im thinking majority of the time, she can even finish my jokes. She is one of the biggest nerds i know, but also one of the most gangster people i know. She holds strength within herself maybe she doesnt even realize that she has. She is an awesome coworker, maybe the best worker we have at the store. Work flies by when i work with her, she makes my job easier. She loves video games, army of two is our game, even though when we play games i usually do everything, but its okay. Haha. She loves anime, even these random obscure gorey perveted ones i never heard of. She plays the piano, and i know she is trying to learn claire de lune, which puts a big smile on my face, because she knows i love that song. She is trying to learn how to dance, and is doing really well so far, just needs to stop being embarassed, but all in due time. She has been inheriting some of my swag, shes going to be a beast one day i tell you. Emotionally, i let myself tie too much of myself to her than i have, maybe cuz it felt good. It felt good to allow myself to love again, even though i shouldnt have. I know that in the future, whatever lucky girl aligns with my planet, that i still have the capacity to love, to open myself to her. Mentally, its wonderful to know that i have somebody at my back who believes in me fully, encouraging me to follow my dreams. Physically.......lets just say........DAMN SONNNNNNNNNNNN. haha. She is so close to graduation, i feel bad that i distract her so, i really hope she can regain that focus, tell me to shut up, and do the damn thing. Although i havent been there for her journey, i know she has come a long way, and this means so much to her. Im going to go apeshit at her graduation, its probably going to be embarassing for her and her family, i dont care. Im proud of her, and i will show it.
This summer should be fun! My biggest goal is to get back into shape, not that theres anything wrong with me right now, i just would like to try to get rid of my belly and manboobies, and get my arms defined again. Im taking cycling and badminton over summer, four days a week, which should be nice, and just lift my lonely freeweight and do push ups at home. Im going to santa cruz with a bunch of people, all taking greyhound and sharing a giant room, which should be fun. Im planning on going skydiving in july, hopefully my wallet will allow me to. I hope stupid work gives me more hours, i really need to save up for san francisco, because for the first time in my life im going to be supporting myself. Rent, food, school, everything. I dont want to recieve any money from my family unless im behind on rent, i really want to see if i can do it. Shauna and i are planning on playing a shitload of video games, also going on lots of walks, with the occasional city trip thrown in for good measure. And theres always a session going on somewhere, so my summer will be packed.
Fuck, im sleepy. So im going to end it here LJ.
Where to start? I suck at this lol.
Hmmmm...
.....
Im going to go dance for a little bit. Tee hee!
Okay, okay, im back. Lets put some music on, i feel like Adagio for strings by Mr Sam Barber. Oh yeah, thats good stuff.
Well, i been living in martinez for over two years now, i can barely remember what it was like to live in daly city. I actually am so glad i moved away, it was really good for me to step back from the craziness of my life back there, and take a breather and discover who i really am as a person. I feel like i have found it, although the journey has been long, and i still am finding things out about myself everyday, but for the most part, i feel as i know who i am, what im capable of doing, which is anything and everything i put my mind to. Ive gotten a lot closer to my family being up here, making the effort to hang out with my cousins, making the most of the time we have left in this earth, because when it comes down to it, your family is who you are. Im starting to open up to my grandma alot more, but not as much as i think i should. She is just way too old fashioned to understand my generation, but i dont blame her for that. I love my grandma and grandpa for everything they do for me, i know all they want me to do in life is succeed, and i will succeed, just not in the field she wants me to be in. My mom is starting to date again, meeting random guys from Eharmony and making the most of it. She is such an inspiration to me, holding this family together through all the drama and shit we have faced, to still be a pillar of such great strength is amazing. I love you mom. My sisters and I are drifting, not in a bad way, just in the way it is when you grow up and start to really have your own lives. We are also closer than ever before. Just a different type of close. My dad and i have come to that point where we agree to disagree. We both know we cant live with each other, because we just come to arguements and fights about everything, because our views on life is drastically different. I still love him, but we come to that point in life where he is merely in the background, as i move forward with or without his support.
I picked up dancing when i moved out here. I always loved dancing my whole life, but to actually practice a craft has been one of the most rewarding experiences i ever had. Music is so much more alive, when you can ride the melodies, the beats, the feeling. It also has raised my self confidence so much more, just knowing I can totally own the dance floor. Stepping onto the floor when the music floods my ear, just takes me away. Fuck if anybody is watching, fuck what you think, im having fun. I actually auditioned and made the crew DS Players last year, which was HUGE. DSP is one of the most well respected crew in the world, and to be able to join the ranks of such great individuals was a great honor. I struggled with it though, not being able to dedicate myself fully to the crew, with school and work and driving back and forth. Quite a shame, but i just had to quit. Its okay though, i still get to dance with my best friends and family, Riff Raff Rookies and Outta Shape crew represent son. Dancing has opened up a whole new world to me.
Friends. I sometimes think i have too many, as in its impossible to be able to keep in contact and kick it with everybody. I feel as my daly city friends are all moving in different directions, i dont even know whats going on anymore. People are moving out, moving in, going here, going there, doing this, doing that, i cant keep up. I dont even recieve invites to the small things anymore, like friday night hangouts, or game nights, just because they know i cant make it. It seems like the only time i see everybody is at someones birthday, which hasnt been since Jeans. and even than, not everybody was there, and its hard to catch up with people in large groups. As for i4, they told me straight up im the glue. I dont understand it, they all live within walking distance from each other, yet they only get together when im in town. I cant comprehend it. But its still good to see them when i do, only kevin, chris, and jb can make me laugh until i cry. I was really dissapointed in Chris, when i tried to organize a birthday dinner for him, he didnt even bother to request it off. What can i say though, he has always been like that. Thats chris, is what everybody always says. He has frances now though, and i know she makes him happy, so thats cool. Im going to be kicking it with kevin alot when i go to state, hitting up them pool halls again. I miss playing pool. Something about the precision and the concentration the game takes. So ill most likely be taking excalibur with me everywhere on my bike, hitting up family billiards and rack n cue.
My concord/martinez/pittsburg friends are amazing people. They are just a different type of people than what im used to, but also the same in some way. Good people is what they are. The bromance! Justin is a crazy mutha fucka who stresses the fuck out of me sometimes, but i still know he is a good guy, and we got each others back no matter what. Scott is my video game buddy, dont know how he is so good at games, fucking asians. Doran is also a crazy fuck, holy shit, dude makes me laugh. Real nigga, keeps it straight up, doesnt front which i love. Out of all the guys, i find myself being the closest to Mikey, he just understands where im coming from, and we have more common interests than the other guys. Plus he has been open to learning new things from me, and he has been teaching me how to box, at the end of summer im planning on asking him to go three rounds with me and not hold back, just to see how i would do. I havent really gotten super close with any girls besides Shauna and erin. Jackie has been unbelievably cool too. Erin always has a smile on her face and has been so sweet with me, getting me flowers when i lost my uncle and cookie. She always comes to me for advice, and i treat her like my little sister.
School. FUCKING LAST SEMESTER AT A COMMUNITY COLLEGE. can you believe this shit? Skyline, San Mateo, City, and DVC. six years. shit man. Its been a rocky ride with my education, changing majors a couple times, only to go back to my original inspiration in life, psychology. I swear, Mr Zuardo changed my life forever, i only hope as a teacher i can do a fraction of the good he has done for me. I plan on getting my bachelors from Sf state, and going to East Bay to get my teaching credentials. Im excited to teach, i want to start now already, but i know i still have a lot to learn. Im worried i will struggle at state, i really need to focus. Its just so hard with me being such a social creature, and being in the city! ahh, drool at all the possibilites, the people i will meet, the experiences i will have, the lessons i will learn. I welcome them all with open arms.
My back is starting to flare up again, cuz im crouched over my laptop in my bed, not very good.
What else is on my mind? Oh yeah, her.
Shauna.
Shauna Lyn.
Shauna Lyn Smedley.
Miss BlueSilverStar, whos livejournal i ran into in a different life.
What to say about Shauna?
She is my best friend.
Regardless of all the other drama and shit going on, she is my best friend. In all the people i have met in my life, there has never been one like her. I have bared my soul to her, something i have never done in my life. I have shared secrets i have swore i would never tell another. She is making me grow so much as a person. What is so special about this girl, you ask? She is amazing. She gets me, without a doubt in my mind, she understands me, who i am, why i do some of the things i do, she knows what im thinking majority of the time, she can even finish my jokes. She is one of the biggest nerds i know, but also one of the most gangster people i know. She holds strength within herself maybe she doesnt even realize that she has. She is an awesome coworker, maybe the best worker we have at the store. Work flies by when i work with her, she makes my job easier. She loves video games, army of two is our game, even though when we play games i usually do everything, but its okay. Haha. She loves anime, even these random obscure gorey perveted ones i never heard of. She plays the piano, and i know she is trying to learn claire de lune, which puts a big smile on my face, because she knows i love that song. She is trying to learn how to dance, and is doing really well so far, just needs to stop being embarassed, but all in due time. She has been inheriting some of my swag, shes going to be a beast one day i tell you. Emotionally, i let myself tie too much of myself to her than i have, maybe cuz it felt good. It felt good to allow myself to love again, even though i shouldnt have. I know that in the future, whatever lucky girl aligns with my planet, that i still have the capacity to love, to open myself to her. Mentally, its wonderful to know that i have somebody at my back who believes in me fully, encouraging me to follow my dreams. Physically.......lets just say........DAMN SONNNNNNNNNNNN. haha. She is so close to graduation, i feel bad that i distract her so, i really hope she can regain that focus, tell me to shut up, and do the damn thing. Although i havent been there for her journey, i know she has come a long way, and this means so much to her. Im going to go apeshit at her graduation, its probably going to be embarassing for her and her family, i dont care. Im proud of her, and i will show it.
This summer should be fun! My biggest goal is to get back into shape, not that theres anything wrong with me right now, i just would like to try to get rid of my belly and manboobies, and get my arms defined again. Im taking cycling and badminton over summer, four days a week, which should be nice, and just lift my lonely freeweight and do push ups at home. Im going to santa cruz with a bunch of people, all taking greyhound and sharing a giant room, which should be fun. Im planning on going skydiving in july, hopefully my wallet will allow me to. I hope stupid work gives me more hours, i really need to save up for san francisco, because for the first time in my life im going to be supporting myself. Rent, food, school, everything. I dont want to recieve any money from my family unless im behind on rent, i really want to see if i can do it. Shauna and i are planning on playing a shitload of video games, also going on lots of walks, with the occasional city trip thrown in for good measure. And theres always a session going on somewhere, so my summer will be packed.
Fuck, im sleepy. So im going to end it here LJ.