hmm... the pieces fit, but the picture is all fucked up.

[brianjay87]

hm.

today.

let's see.

how can i begin this.

it's 4:25 am and i'm full of thoughts.
i can't sleep.

friends, family. me.

i've really messed things up lately.

i need a cigarette. bad. now.

just today, I was almost pulled into a $4,000 scam over my fucking moped. no joke. then some friends that i was with picked up a frantic guy from the avenues who was most likely high on meth and was claiming that he had just shot someone and needed us to run him across town. we thought he was trippin' until we went to pull down an alley and sure enough, cops were everywhere. he was, in fact, not tripping. but was for sure high on meth and had probably really just shot a man. never in my life have i ever felt so frantic and afraid than i did during that ten minute car ride. but even more than that, i was pissed.

i need a car.
i need my friends.
i need my family.

i need a functional, organized life.

i need to go to school.
and stick with it.

i need to tell kyle how worried i really am for him and how much he's hurting his friends.

i need to tell chelsea that i miss her more than i ever have and that if i would have known that a fucked up trip on shrooms was going to forever alter our amazing friendship then i would have never have taken them with her. especially before a funeral.

i need to tell lauren happy birthday and congratulate her on how far she has come.

i need to call and tell lil sarah that being grounded sucks but she'll make it out. and that a chicago trip is still in view for her and i.

i need to tell mama turner that i love her dearly because i feel that i havent done it enough.

i need to call my mom and get an update on her plans for going to school.

i need to hug ron.

i need to not snort zoloft.

i need to go to bed.

goodnight.