(no subject)
there are so many things i don't and can't understand. things that make total sense don't make any sense at all. my parents said that they went through all the craziness and hard shit that we all have to go through. but then why don't they understand. this life is very complicated right now because i don't know exactly what i want. i had this strange idea at the beginning of this summer, but i'm afraid it backfired and i ended up getting screwed. after i did 500 situps i just sat there and thought about college and how i have no money for it and my parents are only going to pay the equivalent of the U Dub. but i could never go there. it would be so close to this life and even if my friends went over the world for college, this would still be their home. but it is too close to home. it is too close to this unhappy mysterious life that i have shadowed from everyone. home is supposda be a sanctuary for you, but sometimes it just isn't. two years seems so short, but it seems so long and i must admit that even though i am gonna go into junior year with confidence and originality, and overall difference, i am scared. i'm scared of my classes, and my teachers, and all the 50 different extra curricular activities i am gonna do, and i'm scared of my teachers, and all the people that haven't seen me in 10 weeks. and i'm scared that my brother will soon be walking the same halls as me. and i'm scared of getting caught. i wonder if i will still be able to be who i wanna be. bombastic me. haha. it's sunny today. i'm lazy today. 11 days are left of this summer. i should make the most of it.