dreaming of flying unicorns
.today i've been really pissed off. i don't know why, but I just have been. i want to punch my brother so hard again. that would be awesome. i'm not really violent, but punches can be so soothing. i finally got my books for summer reading which i am dreading to read, but i gotta do it. i am gonna read "everything that rises must converge" and "the night inspector". hopefully they will be easy reads. i have 3250 freeloader points. i'm happy. and dumb. so the RV, which I have never even seen is supposda be huge. i'm excited for this trip. but how can i live without precious Livejournal. I know I'll be just fine. i'm listening to a sad song right now and its making me angry. haha. i'm remembering old childhood memories that i once had. i used to love flying unicorns. and i remember the long, long knife, and the pot, and robbery, and pasta, and musty cots, and my blankie, and brownie, and being on tv, and school, and ymca, and rats, and no heat, no food, the zoo and the aquarium, and sitting on the mountain dreaming alone. and i remember looking at the world around me and wondering why things why the way the were. why couldn't i have power rangers and why did i like whales. what happened to pumpkin and gramolkin. why couldn't i have a pet. where was my dad. why did my mother always cry. why did she throw pots and slap me and yell at me. wasn't this how all kids lived. why didn't i get my farm after i lost my first tooth. why was my mother always different late at night compared to the day. why did she always yell at other people and me. what was wrong with my brother. why did we lug around a suitcase every week. why did people think i was weird. why was i always embarrassed at school. why was i always in the middle of a fight in school. why were there always papers about me. why when i was so young i had to get a restraining order because someone wanted to kill me. why were skittles different colors while three musketeers was always brown. why were there bombs on tv. why did the power go out. why was i so hungry. why did my mom kiss that man. i already have a dad. why was the glass broken and why did people say bad things. why did i say mean things. what was really in the water. where did mom go every night. why were there so many men at home. why did the police come a lot. why did the plane crash. why was i so scared of dying. why did i miss so many people. you hit me so hard i had to go to the hospital. how come you were on tv. why did someone try to steal me. where did you disappear in the mall. when i said goodbye, why didn't i really get the chance to say goodbye... my childhood... clarissa called me today. i was really happy. i have only heard two voices of my friends the whole summer. she couldn't talk very long and when she had to leave and i was really upset. really upset. i didn't want her to go. i wanted to talk to her for longer than two minutes. i haven't talked to anybody this whole summer. and emily and lauren only saw me once and its been so long i'm not sure if i know anybody anymore. i was so addicted to AIM and now i don't talk to anyone. i'm just so busy. i leave early and come home late at night. i've spent my whole summer getting better. i'm perfectly fine and i don't look any different. that's probably because i secretly work out, which is bad but i don't give a shit. sweet sorrow is a gold tomorrow. it's getting dark. everyday i learn so much more about myself and how much over 16 years i've changed so much. i used to be so ignorant and i guess i still am but that's just the way i am i guess. things are really different from what the used to be. but i guess everything always is in life.