more of my bitching...sorry it never really ever stops
ya know i really am in a pickle here. a pickle that is really pissing me off. and i am not really sure if i am pissed off or frustrated dissapointed or all of the above.
but i have lost the ability to be a friend.
well i just dont know how anymore. cuz every little thing you do is driving me crazy. i just want to go off on you on how you are changing as a person and i am not okay with that whatsoever. and its really not like you had this life changing event or have shit going on that i know about anyways its a stupid boy. a stupid waste of breath. i dont know if its this new pet peeve of mine that i dont like that boys or this particular boy does this to you but i have been watching you for months now. struggle. and i really dont know where this struggle is going on, at or what you are so afraid of , cuz i would figure thats what your friends are here to help you with. but its pissing me off that you completely flip everything over this kid. and that you spend so much time, money, emotion on someone who spends nothing but money on flowers on you. oh yeah in case you didnt notice he is doing a lot of what his mother does to him to you. at least thats where he is getting the idea from. but youll never understand. oh and you sit here and you go on an on about this and that then completely contradict yourself. which just makes me think you are purposely hurting yourself. cuz just like sean's quote said, i dont know if you are with him cuz you are comfortable with him or beacause you actually love him. cuz in case you didnt know. love doesnt hurt this much. if the so called ppl involved are actually in love. i think thats a lot of ppls downfall. i tried so hard to be a friend and support whats going on. but i dont support fake ppl. i fi honestly believed you loved hima and he loved you i think i would feel okay with you trying so hard. but you are pushing a brick wall. didnt you notice that when you stopped moving anywhere. and you come here asking for my advice, not that i expect you to listen to it, but dont tell me i feel this i want this blah blah blah and then become a fake person and do everything you dont want to do just so theres no argument. no said this stuff was easy. ask anyone. but then again it doesnt matter cuz you disregard them and yourself. and thats what i dont get the most. how you can completely throw away what you are feeling, what your true desires are just because this person said oops sorry every fuckign time. and because you dont want to have to start over. well fine dont. but until then dont expect me to be nice to a personality that is fake and doesnt really exist. and dont bitch that you are tired when i have been workinng my ass off so you can rest but you dont you stay on the phone all night. i am done trying my hardest to be a friend to you. cuz i will start when my real friend comes back. and i have all the hope in the world and i pray that one day i can slap you upside the head so you get it. or someone does. cuz its not just me. its the house, and your parents, and yourself. but go ahead just keeping ignoring and ill keep ignorign you. and im just telling my handy journal here cuz i refuse to create drama. but you pissing me off. sitting in your room. sitting at work while i finish a job i started just to help you out while you sit on facebook. at least there is a record of this.
yeah today would be my parents anniversary. i was gonna throw them a party. 20 years. too bad they are completely retarded. i should just throw a party for myself. shit.
but i have lost the ability to be a friend.
well i just dont know how anymore. cuz every little thing you do is driving me crazy. i just want to go off on you on how you are changing as a person and i am not okay with that whatsoever. and its really not like you had this life changing event or have shit going on that i know about anyways its a stupid boy. a stupid waste of breath. i dont know if its this new pet peeve of mine that i dont like that boys or this particular boy does this to you but i have been watching you for months now. struggle. and i really dont know where this struggle is going on, at or what you are so afraid of , cuz i would figure thats what your friends are here to help you with. but its pissing me off that you completely flip everything over this kid. and that you spend so much time, money, emotion on someone who spends nothing but money on flowers on you. oh yeah in case you didnt notice he is doing a lot of what his mother does to him to you. at least thats where he is getting the idea from. but youll never understand. oh and you sit here and you go on an on about this and that then completely contradict yourself. which just makes me think you are purposely hurting yourself. cuz just like sean's quote said, i dont know if you are with him cuz you are comfortable with him or beacause you actually love him. cuz in case you didnt know. love doesnt hurt this much. if the so called ppl involved are actually in love. i think thats a lot of ppls downfall. i tried so hard to be a friend and support whats going on. but i dont support fake ppl. i fi honestly believed you loved hima and he loved you i think i would feel okay with you trying so hard. but you are pushing a brick wall. didnt you notice that when you stopped moving anywhere. and you come here asking for my advice, not that i expect you to listen to it, but dont tell me i feel this i want this blah blah blah and then become a fake person and do everything you dont want to do just so theres no argument. no said this stuff was easy. ask anyone. but then again it doesnt matter cuz you disregard them and yourself. and thats what i dont get the most. how you can completely throw away what you are feeling, what your true desires are just because this person said oops sorry every fuckign time. and because you dont want to have to start over. well fine dont. but until then dont expect me to be nice to a personality that is fake and doesnt really exist. and dont bitch that you are tired when i have been workinng my ass off so you can rest but you dont you stay on the phone all night. i am done trying my hardest to be a friend to you. cuz i will start when my real friend comes back. and i have all the hope in the world and i pray that one day i can slap you upside the head so you get it. or someone does. cuz its not just me. its the house, and your parents, and yourself. but go ahead just keeping ignoring and ill keep ignorign you. and im just telling my handy journal here cuz i refuse to create drama. but you pissing me off. sitting in your room. sitting at work while i finish a job i started just to help you out while you sit on facebook. at least there is a record of this.
yeah today would be my parents anniversary. i was gonna throw them a party. 20 years. too bad they are completely retarded. i should just throw a party for myself. shit.