Thornism #39
So it's Friday night again, and people are starting to make plans for the weekend all around you. Suddenly you find you are not making plans too because you are waiting for a phone call, an email, or text message from that great God/Goddess you met last week that you think you really hit it off with. You are thinking everying couldn't have gone better the last time you got together, and they said they would call, so you know they will. You start daydreaming of what the weekend holds in store, until it starts getting closer to quitting time and there still has been no contact, so you begin to panic. You find yourself checking your watch over and over again, but when no call comes, you dismiss the flopsweat as you assure yourself there is probably a message waiting for you on the machine at home.
On the commute home you try to push these crazed scenarios to the back of your mind. Seeing that cute elderly couple holding hands and smiling at you, and glimpsing the teenaged boy and girl making out at the back of the train however,isn't helping make it easier though You get home and immediately run, nearly killing yourself in the process to check the answering machine, but short of a message from Mom telling you to check in with her, nada, nope, no, zip, zilch, zero other messages. You keep checking the clock on the wall, you keep refreshing the computer screen to update your email box, and you have probably checked your cell phone at least a dozen times by now to make sure that it's not only on, but that it's not set to vibrate and you maybe missed a call, but still nothing. Next thing you know, it's Ten o'clock at night, you are all dressed up with no place to go and you are eating out of the doggie bag from your last dinner date two weeks ago, watching an all night "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" marathon on Adult Swim, and kinda starting to get into it.
When you finally drag yourself away from the boobe tube and the exploits of Meatwad et all, to toddle off to bed at four in the morning, knowing full well you have to be up in three more hours for your morning tennis lesson, you resolve to look at things differently come next weekend, but who are you kidding? No matter how many different tubs of Ben and Jerry's you eat, or how many golf lessons or wine tasting classes you take to pass the time, you are still going to be ready, willing, and able to make time for this person, if and when they decide to actually break down and call you. Hence why we have our Thornism for today:
"Don't make someone else "The One" while allowing yourself to be nothing more than a back up plan for when their "One" blows them off. Tell them you'd love to go out with them, but you are washing your brain that night."
Women have been using the "I'm Washing My Hair" routine for decades to get out of sticky situations with men they are looking to blow off and avoid, but somehow washing your hair doesn't send the right message to these people the way washing your brain does. I mean obviously unless you enjoy watching bad Reruns on the TV and eating leftover cold pizza or Chinese food is your idea of a well spent weekend, why wait for some Johnny/Joanie come lately who can't be bothered to give you the time of day unless they have nothing better to do. I mean you do have some redeeming qualities right? No I am serious, you are worthy of something better right?
I am sure this person may seem like the "Cats pajamas", "The real deal", or perhaps "The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread" and for whatever reason makes your jelly jiggle, your peanuts turn to butter, and there is nothing you would love better than to make a sandwich consisting of you, a good sturdy bed with them in the middle. Thing is, this person probably feels exactly the same way, but unfortunately for you, someone besides you is their preferred slice in that particular sammich. So unless you are content to pinch hit as the relief white bread sandwich when their panini machine of love breaks down, you need to find some other loaf to mix it up with. I strongly recommend a multi-grain with lots of fiber, fiber is good for you, just ask your mom. You know you will too, you have to call her back once you've managed to kill every other means of escaping the inevitable in the course of your forty-eight hour weekend spent waiting for a call that's never coming. You have simply run out of new ways to kill time, and let's face it, if you don't call her, you know she is going to call you again, and we both know you don't have any plans to get you out of the house to avoid that.
So as you spend another weekend contemplating how the hell those spiders seem to manage to fill your house with cobwebs again ten minutes after you swept away the last one, when you start to actually hear the laughing of the dust mites in your mattress as they remind you that they are the only ones apt to "get busy" in your bedroom this weekend, ponder this Thornism again:
"Don't make someone else "The One" while allowing yourself to be nothing more than a back up plan for when their "One" blows them off. Tell them you'd love to go out with them, but you are washing your brain that night."
It may sound like the start of a potentially vicious circle, but chances are pretty good there is someone else out there waiting to hear from someone, and the person they are waiting to hear from is you. Someone might be waiting for your call or email, who might truly appreciate hearing from you, and who in turn you might find you actually and sincerely enjoy spending time with, and who will appreciate spending time with you. Obviously it can and does happen all the time. Remember the old couple on the train? So this week instead of pining for some schmuck/schmuckette who isn't likely to call unless they have nothing better to do, or a few hours to kill, give one of those other people a shot, and make plans to do something next weekend and see where it leads you. Don't worry about Meatwad, Master Shake and Frylock, I am sure Carl will keep them busy till you can catch them in reruns or a compilation DvD comes out. I am sure they will understand, despite how much they might miss you
Have fun ;)!.
On the commute home you try to push these crazed scenarios to the back of your mind. Seeing that cute elderly couple holding hands and smiling at you, and glimpsing the teenaged boy and girl making out at the back of the train however,isn't helping make it easier though You get home and immediately run, nearly killing yourself in the process to check the answering machine, but short of a message from Mom telling you to check in with her, nada, nope, no, zip, zilch, zero other messages. You keep checking the clock on the wall, you keep refreshing the computer screen to update your email box, and you have probably checked your cell phone at least a dozen times by now to make sure that it's not only on, but that it's not set to vibrate and you maybe missed a call, but still nothing. Next thing you know, it's Ten o'clock at night, you are all dressed up with no place to go and you are eating out of the doggie bag from your last dinner date two weeks ago, watching an all night "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" marathon on Adult Swim, and kinda starting to get into it.
When you finally drag yourself away from the boobe tube and the exploits of Meatwad et all, to toddle off to bed at four in the morning, knowing full well you have to be up in three more hours for your morning tennis lesson, you resolve to look at things differently come next weekend, but who are you kidding? No matter how many different tubs of Ben and Jerry's you eat, or how many golf lessons or wine tasting classes you take to pass the time, you are still going to be ready, willing, and able to make time for this person, if and when they decide to actually break down and call you. Hence why we have our Thornism for today:
"Don't make someone else "The One" while allowing yourself to be nothing more than a back up plan for when their "One" blows them off. Tell them you'd love to go out with them, but you are washing your brain that night."
Women have been using the "I'm Washing My Hair" routine for decades to get out of sticky situations with men they are looking to blow off and avoid, but somehow washing your hair doesn't send the right message to these people the way washing your brain does. I mean obviously unless you enjoy watching bad Reruns on the TV and eating leftover cold pizza or Chinese food is your idea of a well spent weekend, why wait for some Johnny/Joanie come lately who can't be bothered to give you the time of day unless they have nothing better to do. I mean you do have some redeeming qualities right? No I am serious, you are worthy of something better right?
I am sure this person may seem like the "Cats pajamas", "The real deal", or perhaps "The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread" and for whatever reason makes your jelly jiggle, your peanuts turn to butter, and there is nothing you would love better than to make a sandwich consisting of you, a good sturdy bed with them in the middle. Thing is, this person probably feels exactly the same way, but unfortunately for you, someone besides you is their preferred slice in that particular sammich. So unless you are content to pinch hit as the relief white bread sandwich when their panini machine of love breaks down, you need to find some other loaf to mix it up with. I strongly recommend a multi-grain with lots of fiber, fiber is good for you, just ask your mom. You know you will too, you have to call her back once you've managed to kill every other means of escaping the inevitable in the course of your forty-eight hour weekend spent waiting for a call that's never coming. You have simply run out of new ways to kill time, and let's face it, if you don't call her, you know she is going to call you again, and we both know you don't have any plans to get you out of the house to avoid that.
So as you spend another weekend contemplating how the hell those spiders seem to manage to fill your house with cobwebs again ten minutes after you swept away the last one, when you start to actually hear the laughing of the dust mites in your mattress as they remind you that they are the only ones apt to "get busy" in your bedroom this weekend, ponder this Thornism again:
"Don't make someone else "The One" while allowing yourself to be nothing more than a back up plan for when their "One" blows them off. Tell them you'd love to go out with them, but you are washing your brain that night."
It may sound like the start of a potentially vicious circle, but chances are pretty good there is someone else out there waiting to hear from someone, and the person they are waiting to hear from is you. Someone might be waiting for your call or email, who might truly appreciate hearing from you, and who in turn you might find you actually and sincerely enjoy spending time with, and who will appreciate spending time with you. Obviously it can and does happen all the time. Remember the old couple on the train? So this week instead of pining for some schmuck/schmuckette who isn't likely to call unless they have nothing better to do, or a few hours to kill, give one of those other people a shot, and make plans to do something next weekend and see where it leads you. Don't worry about Meatwad, Master Shake and Frylock, I am sure Carl will keep them busy till you can catch them in reruns or a compilation DvD comes out. I am sure they will understand, despite how much they might miss you
Have fun ;)!.