All that glitters
When the dreams subside and my mind is left to dwell on thoughts of the upcoming moment when I must force open my eyes and face the day...this is the time when I find myself each day. Every day doesn't come with it's own happiness--I must bring that with me when I go out into the world. I recreate a little bit of that person that I like being and take it out there with me and do my best to be the best I can be--everyday with no help at all. I convince my body to get up and off of the cozy bed and my feet find their way to the cold floor. Being grateful for being able to stand up on my own two feet every day makes the floor a little less cold.
As I walk out the front door, I can see that the sun is out there somewhere under a veil of smog and behind the otherwise gloomy Ohio sky that February seems to bring each year. Nevertheless, the sun still shines above and that is one of the many gifts that each day does bring...but I still must bring my own happiness. I look up towards heaven just searching for a sign that the cloud cover is going to break soon so that I can join the sunshine with smile. There is no end to the grayness in sight, but just the memory of what I was looking for is still enough to push half of a smirk across my tired face. I still don't know why I haven't organized my key ring yet, but again I find myself fumbling to lock the front door behind me in the blistering cold as my fingers begin to fall off.
As I set out down the stairs, a faint gust of clean cool air swarms past me and I'm reminded that the city is only the shell of my surroundings--the earth peaks out from the pavement cracks and the water in the puddles will eventually find it's way to the blue sea. The world sometimes reveals itself more beautifully to me when I'm not expecting it. The air fills my nose and I take it really deep into my chest without any sign that I once used to poison my body with smoke. I'm walking down the city street and all of the people are driving by in their cars and listening to loud music or talking on their cell phones. What the hell is so wrong with silence? Why do we make ourselves so busy and distracted? People fascinate me. The world fascinates me. I'm fascinated that people aren't more fascinated by the world.
It's days like these that remind me so much of everything good I've ever experienced. I think that most of these memories are always there...but they have a way of being compressed into a still frame of a smile--the sounds and smells don't shine through and neither does the love, which filled every moment of the thing when it happened. Days like today are so vivid to me that they bring out the color of my memories and really put my footsteps throughout life into perspective (and I can't even tell you how many times I once was walking in circles). (It is days like today that allows my grandfather to walk along side of me to keep me company). Stepping back from life as it happens is important so that we can see WHAT is happening. All too often I do this after the moment has passed and the feeling has ended. I guess I'm too caught up in the goodness to want to withdraw my attention (even for a second). I end up walking in circles without direction or guidance from within.
People have spent so much time trying to not be irrelevant and not enough time being great (and true greatness creates it's own relevancy). What's the point of being on the team if you're there just to be in the photo...what's the sense in living at all if you do it by tip-toeing around risk and shying away from the real adventure--that is your soul soaring through this world so fast and happy that it practically has to drag your body behind it.
Allowing the illusions of the dangling carrot and the glittering gold foil (you try to line your life with) to become your sole source of fulfillment is being beyond defeatist towards your true happiness.
Me, I think I'm rearranging what I want out of life and I'm starting with "how I take my coffee"...no more artificial sweetener.
(I'd rather be bitter than fake)
As I walk out the front door, I can see that the sun is out there somewhere under a veil of smog and behind the otherwise gloomy Ohio sky that February seems to bring each year. Nevertheless, the sun still shines above and that is one of the many gifts that each day does bring...but I still must bring my own happiness. I look up towards heaven just searching for a sign that the cloud cover is going to break soon so that I can join the sunshine with smile. There is no end to the grayness in sight, but just the memory of what I was looking for is still enough to push half of a smirk across my tired face. I still don't know why I haven't organized my key ring yet, but again I find myself fumbling to lock the front door behind me in the blistering cold as my fingers begin to fall off.
As I set out down the stairs, a faint gust of clean cool air swarms past me and I'm reminded that the city is only the shell of my surroundings--the earth peaks out from the pavement cracks and the water in the puddles will eventually find it's way to the blue sea. The world sometimes reveals itself more beautifully to me when I'm not expecting it. The air fills my nose and I take it really deep into my chest without any sign that I once used to poison my body with smoke. I'm walking down the city street and all of the people are driving by in their cars and listening to loud music or talking on their cell phones. What the hell is so wrong with silence? Why do we make ourselves so busy and distracted? People fascinate me. The world fascinates me. I'm fascinated that people aren't more fascinated by the world.
It's days like these that remind me so much of everything good I've ever experienced. I think that most of these memories are always there...but they have a way of being compressed into a still frame of a smile--the sounds and smells don't shine through and neither does the love, which filled every moment of the thing when it happened. Days like today are so vivid to me that they bring out the color of my memories and really put my footsteps throughout life into perspective (and I can't even tell you how many times I once was walking in circles). (It is days like today that allows my grandfather to walk along side of me to keep me company). Stepping back from life as it happens is important so that we can see WHAT is happening. All too often I do this after the moment has passed and the feeling has ended. I guess I'm too caught up in the goodness to want to withdraw my attention (even for a second). I end up walking in circles without direction or guidance from within.
People have spent so much time trying to not be irrelevant and not enough time being great (and true greatness creates it's own relevancy). What's the point of being on the team if you're there just to be in the photo...what's the sense in living at all if you do it by tip-toeing around risk and shying away from the real adventure--that is your soul soaring through this world so fast and happy that it practically has to drag your body behind it.
Allowing the illusions of the dangling carrot and the glittering gold foil (you try to line your life with) to become your sole source of fulfillment is being beyond defeatist towards your true happiness.
Me, I think I'm rearranging what I want out of life and I'm starting with "how I take my coffee"...no more artificial sweetener.
(I'd rather be bitter than fake)