The Exegesis of LJ Entry "Silly Girls" with Rebuttal to Comments
Much to my chagrin, I have, apparently, not articulated my thoughts well enough on the interesting things that girls have said to me recently. I am amazed at the perverse nature that my words have been extracted, restricted, rearranged, abused, and distorted to convey me as being sexist, manipulative, ignorant (though thinking too much), sheltered, and ostracized creature who’s ability to communicate is less than adequate with no hope to improve from that of a primal ‘Ugh’ from a fictitious evolutionary-goo byproduct. I am going to, unfortunately, expound upon my earlier entry on “Silly Girls” with an additional plethora of words beyond those abused. (Pun intended for those who may want to further bash my loose definition of this term. Used and abused [both being in the past tense] for those who want to make certain that my intellect can extrapolate this level of a literary device for understanding.) I will detail my previous thoughts with more thoughts to explain my text. Thus through an exegetical evaluation, I hope to clarify definitions as to the manor in which I have used them in the context of my thought(s), rebut assumptions and accusations inferred by opposing comprehension, and resulting in an explanation of my perspective and a few open ended questions that require further insight.
First the title “Silly Girls.” I was asked to look up the dictionary use of ‘silly’ on dictionary.com. As of 3/14/2006, the definition is quoted here:
“sil·ly (s l ) adj. sil·li·er, sil·li·est
1. Exhibiting a lack of wisdom or good sense; foolish. See Synonyms at foolish.
2. Lacking seriousness or responsibleness; frivolous: indulged in silly word play; silly pet names for each other.
3. Semiconscious; dazed: knocked silly by the impact.
[Middle English seli, silli, blessed, innocent, hapless, from Old English gesælig, blessed.]
adj 1: pungent adjectives of disesteem; ‘gave me a cockamamie reason for not going’; ‘wore a goofy hat’; ‘a silly idea’; ‘some wacky plan for selling more books’ [syn: cockamamie, cockamamy, goofy, sappy, wacky, whacky, zany, unreasonable] 2: lacking seriousness; given to frivolity; ‘a dizzy blonde’; ‘light-headed teenagers’; ‘silly giggles’ [syn: airheaded, dizzy, empty-headed, featherbrained, giddy, light-headed, lightheaded] 3: inspiring scornful pity; ‘how silly an ardent and unsuccessful wooer can be especially if he is getting on in years’- Dashiell Hammett [syn: pathetic, ridiculous] 4: dazed from or as if from repeated blows; ‘knocked silly by the impact’; "slaphappy with exhaustion’ [syn: punch-drunk, slaphappy] n : a word used for misbehaving children; ‘don't be a silly’."
According to the Webster’s Third New International Dictionary, Unabridged and copyrighted in 1986, the first definition of silly is as follows, I quote:
“silly \’sile, -li| adj -ER/-EST [ME sely, silly happy, blessed, innocent, pitiable, feeble, fr. (assumed) … OE … happiness … OHG … happy, ON … happiness, Goth … kindness, L solari to console, comfort, GK hilaros cheerful] 1 a : needing compassion or sympathy : PATHETIC … 2 b : lowly in station : HUMBLE … 3 c : contrary to reason : ABSURD, RIDICULOUS, IRRATIONAL … d : lacking importance or serious meaning : TRIVIAL, TRIFLING, FRIVOLOUS …”
I think you get the picture. There are a lot of different meanings for the word. As Webster seems to point out more clearly, the word is rooted in being happy. This is most defiantly a positive, not a negative, connotation. Synonyms like pathetic, absurd, ridiculous, irrational, and frivolous take the word to a negative connotation that is contrary and opposing the root of the word. However, I do see where some negative and pessimistic individuals may take offense to these misconstrued applications.
Nonetheless, I am the one who used the term. In order to unequivocally understand my use, I suppose one would have to actually know who I am, setting aside their mindset, to grasp my meaning and intentions. I am an optimist. I like looking at the good in people/places/situations, not the flaws. I like to use my words to edify; I would hope a concept that most people might begin using again. Along with my positive attitude and edification, I have always heard this term ‘silly’ as an endearing pet name, as even dictionary.com attests to. Silly Putty was great! As a child having fun, giggling, and behaving in a very jovial manor, I was smiled upon with love and approval and my behavior and I, who originated the spectacle, was called ‘silly.’ These were positive experiences. So we take a positive (attitude) plus a positive (action) plus a positive (experience) equals a positive (application). If anyone can take two, let alone three, positives and get anything negative, we must approach mathematics and Aristotle’s achievements and overhaul, thus greatly diminishing, any derivatives of this ground breaking fundamental!!! ‘Silly’ also was used in the neutral state of being of uncertainty. This is neither positive nor negative. It simply exists as an observance. As a child meanders about in amusement, whether self motivated or for the general populous, the observer of one being ‘silly’ is confused. The reason, logic, and thought process is unknown, having no effect on the result. Therefore, I cannot see how using ‘silly’ is negative in my intention and consequent use of the term ‘silly.’ I do hope that this point is clarified and any misunderstanding derived from others is not intended.
The word ‘girls’ has also triggered some alarm as well. Playing off the playful, jovial, and innocent denotations that are embedded into my connotative meanings in ‘silly,’ ‘girls’ seems to work better as a descriptor of homo sapiens with an XX chromosome in their deoxyribonucleic acid. Lets test a few other possibilities to see how this interaction works: “Silly Females,” “Silly Women,” “Silly Gals,” or “Silly Feminist?” I revert to my original, non-sexist, non-dominative, non-oppressive term of ‘girls.’ In addition to the symbiosis of literary cohesion of the two terms, ‘girls’ is quick, catchy, and monosyllabic; resulting in ease of reading, comprehension, retention, and recollection. I realize full well that an earlier entry compared the immature and childish connotations of the term ‘girl(s)’ with the contrasting meaning of the term ‘grown women.’ Words have many meanings and uses. Vocal inflection can aid in deciphering the oral intent of words. Our written code of the various characters that comprise each and every word lack this tool. In this poetic comparison there is a clear understanding of the dynamic nuances between the two degrees of social understanding. (It is this dynamic that I appreciate in the comparison.) If one were to assert that I will ONLY use this term EVERYTIME it is used in ALL applications, I can see how this would mislead them. My response is simple: “You are wrong.” (In speech I hardly ever say this, however, it is still true.) You are wrong not because the reasoning was wrong, but rather the information that you are using is wrong. It would be rare that you can be given a host of false data and arrive at the true conclusion. It is simply false to hold to the idea that the versatility of a word will maintain a narrow lexical denotation 100% of the time. If one were to use limit the full potential to the above extreme, then that person would be an incredibly ignorant and ineffective communicator. I do not restrict my bouquet of meaning to the said extreme. Therefore, I do not “shut [myself] out from understanding what that actually means coming from the mouth of the specific individual with unique emotions and thoughts.” (This is not meant as a personal attack indicating that I somehow think that any of you are limiting yourselves or are ignorant, however, if the shoe fits…..)
In reference to the commenter’s use of the term ‘boy,’ directly articulating their own use of that term in light of Girls v. Grown Women comparison, I am left with the sole conclusion that by referring to me as a ‘boy,’ you [Nicole] truly believe that I am a foreigner to relationships of various kinds, without ‘dignity’, that I do not have standards and expectations of my own behavior, and ultimately that I am a “Shallow Hal.” I would have never expected to be accused of this by someone who has had the opportunity to get to know me as you have. You also in another breath, Congratulate me for being “in the 1% of humanity that can say that” I am possessing this “true gentlemanliness,” at least in my self belief. Because of these two opposing assertions of my character, it leads me to think that you are sarcastic in the later, reinforcing your distain for me in the former. As someone who I consider a friend, that really cuts deep and is quite painful.
As long as I am going to be called out in accusation of a pseudo-character in an attempt to defame me in some form, let us look at these questions that you have reworded from the original context.
Do you make plans and tell women where they fit in or do you keep your schedule open and wait for a call? I keep myself busy. School, work, friends, and daily tasks are a part of everyday life. I am not going to quit any of these for the purpose of being romantically involved. I do have priorities. When I am involved with someone, I do place here with a fair amount of priority, and rightly so. Relationships take effort. All I can do is my part to be accessible for that effort, all the while content in partaking in the rest of life.
Do you revel in being alone, using it as a time for personal growth? I am not afraid of being alone. I do not mind being alone. I have told you on a few occasions that if I were never to get married, that I am fine with that. I try to use every opportunity presented to me to the fullest, thus growing from them as they happen and reflect upon them to grow even deeper with the benefit of Hien Sight. The short answer: Yes.
Are you too busy to notice when the woman you like hasn’t called you or paid you any mind in days? Yes. Generally, I am busy and am not waiting around for a phone call. If I were so worried, I would have the cognitive ability to pick up my own phone and call her.
Do you offer your shoulder for people to cry on? Yes. I am people motivated. To see someone who is crying has intense emotion racing through their life. It could be good, it could be bad. Either way I want to be there for that person.
Do you make all women pay for the hurt one has caused you or do you let it go and move on to the next, unique and different, person and relationship? No. I have been hurt before, and I will more than likely be hurt again. I will not cheat myself, or the person I love by offering them less to prevent the hurt. Here is my personal saying that I have learned: “A good life is full of hard swallows.” -Brian Weber
Do you “accept it” and move on without bitterness? Yes. It being the fact that my significant other and I have split, I accept it in full! I will take the lessons and apply them to future situations. I am a human who errs as much as the next. Credit is given where credit is due. Some of this credit is good, some not so good. I accept mine. The rhetorical question is this: Can you accept yours? (I ask myself this often.)
Allow me to try and sum everything up on the ‘boy’/’girl’ issue. My use is fine, the abuse is not. I continually strive to better myself; and it is for this reason that I will hold up a standard, on firm ground, for the person that I will be in a relationship with. I will not apologize for this stance, nor will I suffer if I never settle for inadequacy.
I’ve stated my case with the phrase “I like you.” The difference between the flirtatious “I like you” and the “You’re a great guy,” is that the first is an expression of interest and the Second is a compliment. It is the difference between “Nice pants,” and “I want to get into your pants (said with the intention of a sexual encounter).” Complement verses Intent. Bear in mind though, depending on the actual inflection, tone, and word stress, “I want to get into your pants” may just mean that the speaker would like to wear the pants. And it is when the uncertainty of HOW the phrase exists, the meaning of ‘silly’ dually, and simultaneously, is valid in Webster’s 3b definition: “lacking importance or serious meaning : TRIVIAL, TRIFLING, FRIVOLOUS …” Trivial in that I now have to try and pick out the minor details and still interact with the looming question. Trifling in that it is a catalyst for my interaction and understanding of manor the two will now interact. Frivolous in that this meaning does not have the correct context to arrive at the true and intentional meaning. There may be factors in the communication dynamic between XX and XY that I do not know. I will not look to blame anyone other than myself for my own doings. However, I will not take blame for other’s misunderstandings, but I will try again to explain. I am open to learning more. I do want to clear away the obstacles when possible (on my end), while understand how to navigate through the more permanent and necessary structure. Despite my differences and alleged incompetence with members of the opposite sex, I like interacting with those of the XX chromosome (ones preferably between 21 and 30). I like involving my mind in the potential ability to be understanding, at the least, of the XX persuasion. Furthermore, I do not put down women’s, or girls’, abilities. I will not, at this time, deal with women in the Christian ministry, for the Bible will be my foundation for any information on this digression.
On a smaller note, my mandate. The word ‘should’ is not generally used as a command or mandate. This is a suggestion. I do see the potential use of a command if given by one of higher authority. Additionally, taking my prepositional phrase ‘for this is how it will be taken,’ refers to me. This is how I will take it; after all, it is the unknown intention that separates it from a mere compliment.
Right now I am not actively seeking out a relationship. However, I do not know when I may meet a ‘suitable’ lady. I will not be close-minded. Pondering these ‘silly girl sayings’ will, hopefully, better prepare me for the unknown occasion. A boy scout’s motto is “Be Prepared.” Is a ‘Man’ less than a ‘boy’ scout? (Hopefully not.) Making preparations for retirement is not actually retiring. Making preparations for your house burning down is insurance. When the time, and person, are right, I do not want to be unprepared. I agree fully that you must “endeavor to understand THAT PERSON, not every person who belongs to the same group.” But you can get a better grasp of the foundation/framework of the generalities for future people. The ‘older gentleman’ who said this was not Islamic. Besides, an Islamic Fundamentalist is actually the friendly “type” of believer. However the American media has greatly perverted the term for the one’s who adhere to the truths and basic fundaments of the Islamic faith to mean those with militant understandings. I still uphold his truth. As you said “in the end ‘you still have the relationship’." The trick is not being blamed on man or woman. It is a gift that God has given women. God uses the tool for the man to see what he wants to see, so that he may receive the gift God has created for man [extending to mankind], and that is the relationship! My, my, my! When it becomes a goal to perceive another as something they are not. The person is thrown out, the words reassembled, and an inferred meaning is assumed. And remember: “When you assume you make an ass out of u and me, as they say.” I do appreciate the sentiment that you ended on. I cannot recall the number of times I would have to find this and reread it to make sure that I was not imagining this ray of light amidst the destruction. I do desire to understand and learn more. I have more questions in my head than I do answers. Collecting them down into text helps organize them. Through this process, or any process in my life, I have never and will never “just write off what a woman says, and ultimately write her off, by calling her a ‘silly girl’.” It is when the inquiry is placed and other non-answers are said that the potential of this individual to remain in a state of priority undeserving of their “status” that results. I act and react based on each individual. I will only account for my own actions or inactions.
I end in this way: You must decide now, what kind of 'old' person you will be later. This is another of my statements of how I try and live my life. I am only me to everyone in all situations in all that I come across in varying degrees.