(no subject)
I’m going to just come out and say it; I have gained a shit ton of weight since moving to Washington.
I have been struggling with my physical appearance more than I ever have in my entire life.
My weight. My body. My figure. My features.
I have never been especially confident, but I have been lucky not to have experienced these sorts of feelings in the past.
I feel a monster in human skin. I feel hideous and uncomfortable. I have been struggling with my clothing. I keep adjusting and pulling, trying to find some balance and comfort. I have thrown away half of my entire closet because nothing fits (or at least doesn’t in my head). I keep assuring myself that I’ve had these clothes for years so it was time I tossed them out anyhow.
When I was in Middle School, a girl called me out on top of the bleachers for having legs hairier than some guy in our school. It might be ridiculous, but those kinds of things stick with you. I could probably count the days I've worn shorts and skirts since then. I even remember her name (Amber Alexander, if you're curious)!
It might seem a non sequitur, but the way I've felt about my legs for the past... 16 years of my life is the way I presently feel about my entire body. I cannot sit, or move without feeling some part of my skin that feels disgusting.
Gross. Wrong.
I have been struggling with my physical appearance more than I ever have in my entire life.
My weight. My body. My figure. My features.
I have never been especially confident, but I have been lucky not to have experienced these sorts of feelings in the past.
I feel a monster in human skin. I feel hideous and uncomfortable. I have been struggling with my clothing. I keep adjusting and pulling, trying to find some balance and comfort. I have thrown away half of my entire closet because nothing fits (or at least doesn’t in my head). I keep assuring myself that I’ve had these clothes for years so it was time I tossed them out anyhow.
When I was in Middle School, a girl called me out on top of the bleachers for having legs hairier than some guy in our school. It might be ridiculous, but those kinds of things stick with you. I could probably count the days I've worn shorts and skirts since then. I even remember her name (Amber Alexander, if you're curious)!
It might seem a non sequitur, but the way I've felt about my legs for the past... 16 years of my life is the way I presently feel about my entire body. I cannot sit, or move without feeling some part of my skin that feels disgusting.
Gross. Wrong.