And He That Hath Eleven Beards Will Fuck. You. Up.
The more Arthurian legends I read, the more I think that a) Mark Twain was dead on:
'Mainly the Round Table talk was monologues - narrative accounts of the adventures in which these prisoners were captured and their friends and backers killed and stripped of their steeds and armour. As a general thing - so far as I could make out - these murderous adventures were not forays undertaken to avenge injuries, nor to settle old disputes or sudden fallings out; no, as a rule they were simply duels between people who had never even been introduced to one another, and between whom existed no cause of offense whatever. Many a time I had seen a couple of boys, strangers, meet by chance, and say simultaneously, "I can lick you," and go at it on the spot; but I had always imagined until now, that that sort of thing belonged to children only, and was a sign and mark of adulthood; but here were these big boobies sticking to it and taking pride in it clear up to full age and beyond.
'Yet there was something very engaging about these great simple-hearted creatures, something attractive and lovable. There did not seem to be brains enough in the entire nursery, so to speak, to bait a fish-hook with; but you didn't seem to mind that, after a little, because you soon saw that brains were not needed in a society like that, and, indeed would have marred it, hindered it, spoiled its symmetry - perhaps rendered its existence impossible.'
...And b) the original writers were insane by many benchmarks:
'This meanwhile came a messenger from King Rions of North Wales, and king he was of all Ireland, and of many isles; and this was his message, greeting well King Arthur in this manner wise, saying, that King [Rions] had discomfited and overcome eleven kings, and every each of them did him homage; and that was this - they gave him their beards clean flayed off as much as there was, wherefore the messenger came for King Arthur's beard. For King [Rions] had purfled a mantle with kings' beards, and there lacked one place of the mantle, wherefore he sent for [Arthur's] beard, or else he would enter into his lands, and burn and slay, and never leave till he have the head and the beard.'
Rock on, King Rions! (AKA Riens AKA Rience AKA Bions AKA Eions, all within the same text...)
'Mainly the Round Table talk was monologues - narrative accounts of the adventures in which these prisoners were captured and their friends and backers killed and stripped of their steeds and armour. As a general thing - so far as I could make out - these murderous adventures were not forays undertaken to avenge injuries, nor to settle old disputes or sudden fallings out; no, as a rule they were simply duels between people who had never even been introduced to one another, and between whom existed no cause of offense whatever. Many a time I had seen a couple of boys, strangers, meet by chance, and say simultaneously, "I can lick you," and go at it on the spot; but I had always imagined until now, that that sort of thing belonged to children only, and was a sign and mark of adulthood; but here were these big boobies sticking to it and taking pride in it clear up to full age and beyond.
'Yet there was something very engaging about these great simple-hearted creatures, something attractive and lovable. There did not seem to be brains enough in the entire nursery, so to speak, to bait a fish-hook with; but you didn't seem to mind that, after a little, because you soon saw that brains were not needed in a society like that, and, indeed would have marred it, hindered it, spoiled its symmetry - perhaps rendered its existence impossible.'
...And b) the original writers were insane by many benchmarks:
'This meanwhile came a messenger from King Rions of North Wales, and king he was of all Ireland, and of many isles; and this was his message, greeting well King Arthur in this manner wise, saying, that King [Rions] had discomfited and overcome eleven kings, and every each of them did him homage; and that was this - they gave him their beards clean flayed off as much as there was, wherefore the messenger came for King Arthur's beard. For King [Rions] had purfled a mantle with kings' beards, and there lacked one place of the mantle, wherefore he sent for [Arthur's] beard, or else he would enter into his lands, and burn and slay, and never leave till he have the head and the beard.'
Rock on, King Rions! (AKA Riens AKA Rience AKA Bions AKA Eions, all within the same text...)