wow...
i found some old IM conversations, that i had saved into my e-mail account.
this is one that i had during a really rough part of my life this past year...
it was a conversation with a guy named robbie that really liked me, but i would never tell him anything as far as i was concerned. he hurt my feelings really badly the night before...by saying some hurtful things to me...so...he was appologizing to me for it online and then we got to talking about other things...
looking back, it's hard to believe how sad you can get and that people can see it whether you believe they can or not...
therob3000: wait
Auto response from bballin honey21: poker at susie's...call me if you need me...
:-)
bballin honey21: wiat what
bballin honey21: wait*
therob3000: WHOA
therob3000: you're there
bballin honey21: yeah. just got home.
bballin honey21: why did you say wait?
therob3000: me too.
therob3000: you took a shower to not know you were crying
bballin honey21: never mind
bballin honey21: fuck it
therob3000: i'm that big of an asshole
therob3000: please
therob3000: I don't know what you want from me
bballin honey21: nothing. you threw everything up in my face yesterday...
therob3000: well I shouldn't have
bballin honey21: well, you did.
therob3000: I didn't know it was gonna start this
therob3000: and I have felt like shit
therob3000: I drove around defuniak after brusters last night for an hour crying my eyes out
therob3000: I ended up in the ghetto and spilled my heart out to some black guy with a forty and a grill
bballin honey21: yeah, and drove by waffle house and flipped tim off when he turned around and looked
therob3000: oh wow yall did see
therob3000: yeah then I went to that crystal girls house and waited for yall to leave waffle house
bballin honey21: why? and yes...we did see. well, tim saw it...and that's pretty stupid of you to do.
therob3000: why
therob3000: I dont like him anyways
bballin honey21: it's stupid b/c you don't just go flipping off people for no reason
bballin honey21: im not fighting with you about something else now, after what you said to me yesterday
bballin honey21: i'm not even going to waste my time, robbie.
therob3000: I dont want to fight
bballin honey21: i have NEVER had somebody say shit like that to me before.
bballin honey21: EVER.
therob3000: thats why I called after I left today
therob3000: What do you want from me?
therob3000: You tell me what you want, and you have it
bballin honey21: i dont want anything. i don't want somebody who is supposed to be a friend...talking to me the way you did. basically...what dusti wrote in your blog...as a comment...that is exactly it.
therob3000: How many times am I gonna tell you, I have never felt like your friend
bballin honey21: well then you haven't felt like anything then.
therob3000: You wanna talk about being treated like shit
bballin honey21: whether you feel like my friend or whether you want to be more than that...regardless...you don't say the shit you said to me.
therob3000: i haven't
therob3000: Yeah and I am sorry
therob3000: for christ sakes, I didn't know it was that bad
therob3000: I mean sure I was a little bit emotional, but you know I dont try to make you cry or feel like shit
bballin honey21: yeah, well...i have struggled with so much shit in my past. like dusti said...you have NO idea the shit i was put through...
bballin honey21: and for you to throw everything in my face the way you did...
bballin honey21: was awful.
therob3000: the whole time you have known me these three months I have always tried to make you feel better and try to do something with you tell you are beautiful and wonderful
bballin honey21: i already knew all that shit about myself
bballin honey21: i wasn't in therapy for no reason at all...i learned all of that about myself.
therob3000: well you didnt act like it
bballin honey21: yeah, i do act like i know. i don't lie to anyone when they are getting to know me. i know i'm fucked up.
bballin honey21: i know i come with a lot of baggage.
bballin honey21: i know all of that shit.
bballin honey21: and i don't try to deny it.
therob3000: And I know I'm an asshole
bballin honey21: but...i don't want it all thrown at me like that.
therob3000: I'm sorry
therob3000: I swear to god, I am so fuckin sorry I love you to death I don't want you crying and feeling like shit, especially because of asshole me and dumbass comments
bballin honey21: well, you did.
bballin honey21: don't know what else to say.
therob3000: You're not gonna get over this one huh
bballin honey21: not as quickly as i normally do, no.
bballin honey21: and then to put it in your blog first...and put it like you were saying it about yourself or something to try and make it better somehow.
bballin honey21: or WHATEVR you were trying to accomplish by doing that.
therob3000: I can dig that
bballin honey21: or making it look like that is what i should be saying.
therob3000: I wasn't joking about that
therob3000: no, after I said that, I was tearing up
therob3000: and I really did go out and hit the punching bag and hurt my fuckin hand, and come back in and retype that up, because its what I felt
bballin honey21: i didn't say you were joking. i jsut don't see what was the point in typing it to where it made it look like you were saying that. like it was making it better somehow
bballin honey21: b/c it obviously has nothing to do with you.
therob3000: it had a lot to do with me
therob3000: that shit hit home
bballin honey21: yeah, but everything you said...was to me. it applied...to me.
bballin honey21: it hurt...me.
bballin honey21: not you. me.
therob3000: I am sorry
bballin honey21: basically said i suck at life.
bballin honey21: pretty much.
therob3000: I was hurtin too
therob3000: you dont suck at life
bballin honey21: yeah, after you saw that it upset me.
bballin honey21: you said it like it just wasn't anything
therob3000: I didnt think it was
therob3000: whenever I was saying it
bballin honey21: and when i said keep on...you are only making it worse...
bballin honey21: and you KEPT GOING.
therob3000: I was fuckin emotional
therob3000: I didn't know why you were being like that
bballin honey21: you think you can say that to someone and it not upset them? you can think it's not anything?
bballin honey21: what the fuck?
therob3000: I didn't know ok
therob3000: jesus
therob3000: I am sorry
therob3000: You can't honestly believe I wanted this to happen, any of it
therob3000: Like I was setting out to stab you in the heart yesterday
therob3000: I am sorry darlin, and I know you aren't going to forgive me and get over this instantly , and I know the girls and the rest of your friends are most likely going to hate me forever, but I just don't want to be arguing and fighting everyday with you, that hurts way too much
bballin honey21: brb
bballin honey21: back
therob3000: ok
therob3000: so uhh...
bballin honey21: wha
bballin honey21: what*
therob3000: that whole thing I said before you said brb
bballin honey21: i saw it
therob3000: I get nothing?
bballin honey21: i don't know what to say to that.
therob3000: ok
therob3000: tell ya the truth, I figured you would still be out drinkin when I got home tonight
therob3000: so the ride home I kept thinking of away messages for you
bballin honey21: i didn't drink tonight. not much.
bballin honey21: i should have.
bballin honey21: but i felt like shit tonight/
bballin honey21: couldn't seem to get into it.
therob3000: know the feelin
therob3000: I've been around 4 kegs tonight
therob3000: and the bar
bballin honey21: joey was at the bar too
bballin honey21: tonight
therob3000: realy
bballin honey21: so i heard.
therob3000: hmm
therob3000: thats cool?
bballin honey21: my friend emily felt the need to tell me that at the beginning of my night. that may have been what killed my mood.
bballin honey21: that among other things.
therob3000: still not over joey
therob3000: I love it
bballin honey21: no, i'm over it. i just hate him.
therob3000: ok
therob3000: well then, I am sorry
therob3000: anyways... what I wrote then cut, and now am gonna past about the away messages
therob3000: and the jist of most of them was that I am sorry, and I hope somehow you can think bout it and me and try to understand it, and I mean if you cant I can understand
bballin honey21: i'm sure you saw him.
bballin honey21: okay
therob3000: if I knew what he looked like
therob3000: Might would have talked to him
bballin honey21: he was with brandon dorriety i think.
bballin honey21: if you know who he is.
therob3000: don't know
therob3000: if you can remember those guys I was talking to, before I was trying to tell you I was sorry
bballin honey21: joey is short...only a little taller than me...maybe an inch taller than me. he's not fat...he's stocky, i guess. he played basketball in highschool. was thinner. has facial hair.
therob3000: I dont care about joey
bballin honey21: i rememebr.
bballin honey21: what about them?
bballin honey21: i didn't really look at them though.
therob3000: and you just named about 30 people that were at that bar tonight
therob3000: nothing, one was ashleys ex
therob3000: I was actually expecting a couple of your friends to find me there and kick my ass tonight
bballin honey21: emily was there...
bballin honey21: surprised she didn't say anything.
bballin honey21: which everybody doesn't know it was you.
bballin honey21: that's why i replaced your screen name.
bballin honey21: but my close friends know it was you.
bballin honey21: b/c they put 2 and 2 together
bballin honey21: when they saw your blog.
therob3000: yeah
therob3000: those are smart ones
therob3000: I swear, I was scared of amanda last night
therob3000: I was thinkin, any second she is gonna rear back and slap the shit out of me
therob3000 signed off at 2:20:12 AM.
therob3000 signed on at 2:20:38 AM.
bballin honey21: i'm surprised she didn't.
therob3000: me too, very
therob3000: were you gonna cry last night with me talkin to you
bballin honey21: i was too drunk to care last night.
therob3000: ok
bballin honey21: i was pretty close to being fubarred
therob3000: no shit
bballin honey21: i would have gotten upset if i had kept talking...
bballin honey21: but i'm normally a happy drunk.
bballin honey21: that's why i do it so much.
therob3000: yeah
therob3000: I think yesterday was the only time I have ever said anything about you drinking
bballin honey21: i think so.
therob3000: kept that bottled in
bballin honey21: what about my drinking?
therob3000: You probably don't want to hear it
bballin honey21: you think i do it too much? or what?
therob3000: a little bit
therob3000: But then I understand some too
bballin honey21: that's like calling the kettle black, robbie.
therob3000: yeah I know
bballin honey21: tell me what you think about it then.
bballin honey21: you can't piss me off anymore than you already have.
therob3000: I drink way too much
bballin honey21: so you don't have much to lose.
therob3000: tis true, but I dont want to pile on top of it
therob3000: Dude do you hate me now or something jesus
therob3000: atleast I tell you how I really feel
bballin honey21: do you think i drink too much at one time? or do you think i drink too often or what?
bballin honey21: and at least we've already had that discussion.
therob3000: I meant all the time, I always tell you how I really feel
therob3000: I dont just avoid questions or hide some of the shit
therob3000: I think you do drink too much
therob3000: and you do get too wild
therob3000: but then I know you never got do that before
therob3000: just seems like you are always drinkin or partying or getting wasted and saying, opps I dont usually do this much
therob3000: but it seems like an every week thing
therob3000: I know I'm not one to talk, I try to solve all my problems with beer
bballin honey21: well...its how i deal with all the shit that i don't talk about.
therob3000: yeah, cause thats so much better to do
bballin honey21: well...take a xanex before i drink...and it makes me forget...and that seems like all i need at the time.
bballin honey21: when i should be taking it reguarly every morning...
bballin honey21: and not drinking with it.
therob3000: yeah
therob3000: another thing
therob3000: the xanex before drinking, thats wonderful
bballin honey21: well...it helps.
therob3000: when you wont take them like you're suppossed to
therob3000: even though I beg
therob3000: yeah cause its drugs
therob3000: if I take me one before I start drinking I do the same damn thing
bballin honey21: well, it's too much trouble to remember every morning when it didn't even help that much to begin with.
therob3000: maybe if you started and kept on it, it might do something
therob3000: and why the hell are you gonna sit here and let me tell you how to live your life
therob3000: I just realized that shit
bballin honey21: yeah, but i don't like waiting for that to happen.
bballin honey21: it makes me feel like i'm taking pills for nothing.
therob3000: well if you kept on, I'm just saying, you might can see a difference, without the alcohol
therob3000: I can promise ya, I can go a couple weeks without drinking, but I dont think you couldn't
bballin honey21: you don't think i could, you mean
therob3000: yeah sure
therob3000: yeah thats what I meant
bballin honey21: do you don't think i could go a couple of weeks without drinking? why you say that?
therob3000: because
therob3000: you cant
therob3000: told ya, I already been where you are sweetheart
therob3000: sorry
therob3000: I'm just being more of an asshole
bballin honey21: hmm
bballin honey21: no.
bballin honey21: you aren't being an ass hole about it this time.
therob3000: whoa really, you think so
therob3000: thats good to hear
therob3000: I'm just worried about you
therob3000: in general, with everything
therob3000: And I know, I'm nobody special and havent known you long, but come on I have a good sense of people apparently, even though I don't know how to act with them
bballin honey21: i dunno. i think i should actually start going back to my doctor.
bballin honey21: it seems to all get worse when i stop going.
therob3000: see
therob3000: I dont know, like I said, I am just worried
therob3000: screw the imaginary friendship, screw the me wanting to be with you
bballin honey21: yeah.
therob3000: just get happy
therob3000: for christ's sake
bballin honey21: well, you seem the be the only person i'm not fooling, because everyone else thinks i'm fine.
therob3000: you think you're fine?
bballin honey21: oh, i know i'm not. but i put on a damn good front. so anytime anything is ever said about me not being happy, people don't believe it and say i'm fine.
bballin honey21: that's why when shit hit the fan last year...everyone was shocked.
bballin honey21: b/c everyone thought i was fine.
therob3000: well then
bballin honey21: my parents made me go to therapy and i got diagnosed with major depression and GAD...and once i started telling my close friends...they all were shocked
bballin honey21: and some of them said i was lying, until my parents talked to most of them about helping me out and helping me get out of the house more.
bballin honey21: well,...didn't say i was lying.
bballin honey21: but said i was fine and that it was all in my head.
bballin honey21: but apparently you are the only person i'm not fooling.
therob3000: why does it take two days of fighting for all of this to be said
bballin honey21: i thought you knew all of that about me.
therob3000: some of it, yes
bballin honey21: what did you not know?
therob3000: major depression for one
therob3000: and the gad
bballin honey21: oh
therob3000: you never said that
therob3000: you told be you were depressed
bballin honey21: hm.
bballin honey21: yeah.
bballin honey21: no...was diagnosed.
bballin honey21: every appointment that i miss...my doctor calls my parents and tells them.
bballin honey21: b/c i signed a paper
therob3000: yeah
bballin honey21: i was on wellbutrin to begin with.
bballin honey21: it made me worse.
bballin honey21: now i'm "on" lexapro...
bballin honey21: but i dont take it.
bballin honey21: they think i do.
therob3000: but you arent takin it
therob3000: see
therob3000: why do you do this to yourself
bballin honey21: i didn't know you didn't know the major depression part.
bballin honey21: i dunno.
bballin honey21: because i don't think of myself enough in the first place, i guess.
bballin honey21: so, i feel like it doesn't matter much.
therob3000: you dissappoint me babe
bballin honey21: i disappoint a lot of people.
therob3000: you got all these people that care about you and love you
bballin honey21: i'm used to it.
therob3000: and you wont even try to make things better
therob3000: you just want to ignore it
therob3000: you're better than that
bballin honey21: yeah, but i have everybody thinking it's fine...so...things are better as far as they are concerned.
therob3000: exactly
therob3000: thats messed up
therob3000: How the hell I know things aren't fine
therob3000: and they don't
therob3000: Like honestly, you will be mad at me... a lot... like the past few days, But I'm not going to lie to you
therob3000: and I'm not gonna try to pull that shit like I did yesterday
therob3000: But sometimes the stuff I want to tell you comes out that way and is fucked up
bballin honey21: yeah...
therob3000: just lookin out for ya babe
bballin honey21: k
therob3000: dude you're not crying again are you
bballin honey21: no
therob3000: I can't take getting bitched out more
therob3000: ok
therob3000: if I did that twice in a week, I think of the girls would have me killed
therob3000: one of*
bballin honey21: pretty sure dusti would.
therob3000: yeah
therob3000: and I would hate for that too happen
therob3000: but I dont think you hate me that much right now
therob3000: so something good happened tonight I guess
bballin honey21: hm
therob3000: hmm either that or you are tired of me already
therob3000: Don't make me cry, I can do it
bballin honey21: just didn't know what to say.
therob3000: get lost in your thoughts a lot
bballin honey21: pretty much
therob3000: You're gonna have to stay up on the honesty policy if you want to keep talking to me doll
therob3000: that goes for all the time
therob3000: but since you aren't being very talkative and must be lost in your thoughts about your life, and how truely lucky you are to have me in it, I will go to bed, well go lay down until I pass out
bballin honey21: ok
therob3000: I dont even get a giggle out of you for the lucky stuff?
therob3000: thats just wrong...
bballin honey21: i dont laugh all that easily, you know.
therob3000: I used to do it
therob3000: besides, thats funny because its true
therob3000: and you know it
therob3000: oh well... cant do everything in one night I reckon, goodnight sweetheart talk to you tomorrow I am sure
bballin honey21: night
therob3000 is away at 3:16:56 AM.
this is one that i had during a really rough part of my life this past year...
it was a conversation with a guy named robbie that really liked me, but i would never tell him anything as far as i was concerned. he hurt my feelings really badly the night before...by saying some hurtful things to me...so...he was appologizing to me for it online and then we got to talking about other things...
looking back, it's hard to believe how sad you can get and that people can see it whether you believe they can or not...
therob3000: wait
Auto response from bballin honey21: poker at susie's...call me if you need me...
:-)
bballin honey21: wiat what
bballin honey21: wait*
therob3000: WHOA
therob3000: you're there
bballin honey21: yeah. just got home.
bballin honey21: why did you say wait?
therob3000: me too.
therob3000: you took a shower to not know you were crying
bballin honey21: never mind
bballin honey21: fuck it
therob3000: i'm that big of an asshole
therob3000: please
therob3000: I don't know what you want from me
bballin honey21: nothing. you threw everything up in my face yesterday...
therob3000: well I shouldn't have
bballin honey21: well, you did.
therob3000: I didn't know it was gonna start this
therob3000: and I have felt like shit
therob3000: I drove around defuniak after brusters last night for an hour crying my eyes out
therob3000: I ended up in the ghetto and spilled my heart out to some black guy with a forty and a grill
bballin honey21: yeah, and drove by waffle house and flipped tim off when he turned around and looked
therob3000: oh wow yall did see
therob3000: yeah then I went to that crystal girls house and waited for yall to leave waffle house
bballin honey21: why? and yes...we did see. well, tim saw it...and that's pretty stupid of you to do.
therob3000: why
therob3000: I dont like him anyways
bballin honey21: it's stupid b/c you don't just go flipping off people for no reason
bballin honey21: im not fighting with you about something else now, after what you said to me yesterday
bballin honey21: i'm not even going to waste my time, robbie.
therob3000: I dont want to fight
bballin honey21: i have NEVER had somebody say shit like that to me before.
bballin honey21: EVER.
therob3000: thats why I called after I left today
therob3000: What do you want from me?
therob3000: You tell me what you want, and you have it
bballin honey21: i dont want anything. i don't want somebody who is supposed to be a friend...talking to me the way you did. basically...what dusti wrote in your blog...as a comment...that is exactly it.
therob3000: How many times am I gonna tell you, I have never felt like your friend
bballin honey21: well then you haven't felt like anything then.
therob3000: You wanna talk about being treated like shit
bballin honey21: whether you feel like my friend or whether you want to be more than that...regardless...you don't say the shit you said to me.
therob3000: i haven't
therob3000: Yeah and I am sorry
therob3000: for christ sakes, I didn't know it was that bad
therob3000: I mean sure I was a little bit emotional, but you know I dont try to make you cry or feel like shit
bballin honey21: yeah, well...i have struggled with so much shit in my past. like dusti said...you have NO idea the shit i was put through...
bballin honey21: and for you to throw everything in my face the way you did...
bballin honey21: was awful.
therob3000: the whole time you have known me these three months I have always tried to make you feel better and try to do something with you tell you are beautiful and wonderful
bballin honey21: i already knew all that shit about myself
bballin honey21: i wasn't in therapy for no reason at all...i learned all of that about myself.
therob3000: well you didnt act like it
bballin honey21: yeah, i do act like i know. i don't lie to anyone when they are getting to know me. i know i'm fucked up.
bballin honey21: i know i come with a lot of baggage.
bballin honey21: i know all of that shit.
bballin honey21: and i don't try to deny it.
therob3000: And I know I'm an asshole
bballin honey21: but...i don't want it all thrown at me like that.
therob3000: I'm sorry
therob3000: I swear to god, I am so fuckin sorry I love you to death I don't want you crying and feeling like shit, especially because of asshole me and dumbass comments
bballin honey21: well, you did.
bballin honey21: don't know what else to say.
therob3000: You're not gonna get over this one huh
bballin honey21: not as quickly as i normally do, no.
bballin honey21: and then to put it in your blog first...and put it like you were saying it about yourself or something to try and make it better somehow.
bballin honey21: or WHATEVR you were trying to accomplish by doing that.
therob3000: I can dig that
bballin honey21: or making it look like that is what i should be saying.
therob3000: I wasn't joking about that
therob3000: no, after I said that, I was tearing up
therob3000: and I really did go out and hit the punching bag and hurt my fuckin hand, and come back in and retype that up, because its what I felt
bballin honey21: i didn't say you were joking. i jsut don't see what was the point in typing it to where it made it look like you were saying that. like it was making it better somehow
bballin honey21: b/c it obviously has nothing to do with you.
therob3000: it had a lot to do with me
therob3000: that shit hit home
bballin honey21: yeah, but everything you said...was to me. it applied...to me.
bballin honey21: it hurt...me.
bballin honey21: not you. me.
therob3000: I am sorry
bballin honey21: basically said i suck at life.
bballin honey21: pretty much.
therob3000: I was hurtin too
therob3000: you dont suck at life
bballin honey21: yeah, after you saw that it upset me.
bballin honey21: you said it like it just wasn't anything
therob3000: I didnt think it was
therob3000: whenever I was saying it
bballin honey21: and when i said keep on...you are only making it worse...
bballin honey21: and you KEPT GOING.
therob3000: I was fuckin emotional
therob3000: I didn't know why you were being like that
bballin honey21: you think you can say that to someone and it not upset them? you can think it's not anything?
bballin honey21: what the fuck?
therob3000: I didn't know ok
therob3000: jesus
therob3000: I am sorry
therob3000: You can't honestly believe I wanted this to happen, any of it
therob3000: Like I was setting out to stab you in the heart yesterday
therob3000: I am sorry darlin, and I know you aren't going to forgive me and get over this instantly , and I know the girls and the rest of your friends are most likely going to hate me forever, but I just don't want to be arguing and fighting everyday with you, that hurts way too much
bballin honey21: brb
bballin honey21: back
therob3000: ok
therob3000: so uhh...
bballin honey21: wha
bballin honey21: what*
therob3000: that whole thing I said before you said brb
bballin honey21: i saw it
therob3000: I get nothing?
bballin honey21: i don't know what to say to that.
therob3000: ok
therob3000: tell ya the truth, I figured you would still be out drinkin when I got home tonight
therob3000: so the ride home I kept thinking of away messages for you
bballin honey21: i didn't drink tonight. not much.
bballin honey21: i should have.
bballin honey21: but i felt like shit tonight/
bballin honey21: couldn't seem to get into it.
therob3000: know the feelin
therob3000: I've been around 4 kegs tonight
therob3000: and the bar
bballin honey21: joey was at the bar too
bballin honey21: tonight
therob3000: realy
bballin honey21: so i heard.
therob3000: hmm
therob3000: thats cool?
bballin honey21: my friend emily felt the need to tell me that at the beginning of my night. that may have been what killed my mood.
bballin honey21: that among other things.
therob3000: still not over joey
therob3000: I love it
bballin honey21: no, i'm over it. i just hate him.
therob3000: ok
therob3000: well then, I am sorry
therob3000: anyways... what I wrote then cut, and now am gonna past about the away messages
therob3000: and the jist of most of them was that I am sorry, and I hope somehow you can think bout it and me and try to understand it, and I mean if you cant I can understand
bballin honey21: i'm sure you saw him.
bballin honey21: okay
therob3000: if I knew what he looked like
therob3000: Might would have talked to him
bballin honey21: he was with brandon dorriety i think.
bballin honey21: if you know who he is.
therob3000: don't know
therob3000: if you can remember those guys I was talking to, before I was trying to tell you I was sorry
bballin honey21: joey is short...only a little taller than me...maybe an inch taller than me. he's not fat...he's stocky, i guess. he played basketball in highschool. was thinner. has facial hair.
therob3000: I dont care about joey
bballin honey21: i rememebr.
bballin honey21: what about them?
bballin honey21: i didn't really look at them though.
therob3000: and you just named about 30 people that were at that bar tonight
therob3000: nothing, one was ashleys ex
therob3000: I was actually expecting a couple of your friends to find me there and kick my ass tonight
bballin honey21: emily was there...
bballin honey21: surprised she didn't say anything.
bballin honey21: which everybody doesn't know it was you.
bballin honey21: that's why i replaced your screen name.
bballin honey21: but my close friends know it was you.
bballin honey21: b/c they put 2 and 2 together
bballin honey21: when they saw your blog.
therob3000: yeah
therob3000: those are smart ones
therob3000: I swear, I was scared of amanda last night
therob3000: I was thinkin, any second she is gonna rear back and slap the shit out of me
therob3000 signed off at 2:20:12 AM.
therob3000 signed on at 2:20:38 AM.
bballin honey21: i'm surprised she didn't.
therob3000: me too, very
therob3000: were you gonna cry last night with me talkin to you
bballin honey21: i was too drunk to care last night.
therob3000: ok
bballin honey21: i was pretty close to being fubarred
therob3000: no shit
bballin honey21: i would have gotten upset if i had kept talking...
bballin honey21: but i'm normally a happy drunk.
bballin honey21: that's why i do it so much.
therob3000: yeah
therob3000: I think yesterday was the only time I have ever said anything about you drinking
bballin honey21: i think so.
therob3000: kept that bottled in
bballin honey21: what about my drinking?
therob3000: You probably don't want to hear it
bballin honey21: you think i do it too much? or what?
therob3000: a little bit
therob3000: But then I understand some too
bballin honey21: that's like calling the kettle black, robbie.
therob3000: yeah I know
bballin honey21: tell me what you think about it then.
bballin honey21: you can't piss me off anymore than you already have.
therob3000: I drink way too much
bballin honey21: so you don't have much to lose.
therob3000: tis true, but I dont want to pile on top of it
therob3000: Dude do you hate me now or something jesus
therob3000: atleast I tell you how I really feel
bballin honey21: do you think i drink too much at one time? or do you think i drink too often or what?
bballin honey21: and at least we've already had that discussion.
therob3000: I meant all the time, I always tell you how I really feel
therob3000: I dont just avoid questions or hide some of the shit
therob3000: I think you do drink too much
therob3000: and you do get too wild
therob3000: but then I know you never got do that before
therob3000: just seems like you are always drinkin or partying or getting wasted and saying, opps I dont usually do this much
therob3000: but it seems like an every week thing
therob3000: I know I'm not one to talk, I try to solve all my problems with beer
bballin honey21: well...its how i deal with all the shit that i don't talk about.
therob3000: yeah, cause thats so much better to do
bballin honey21: well...take a xanex before i drink...and it makes me forget...and that seems like all i need at the time.
bballin honey21: when i should be taking it reguarly every morning...
bballin honey21: and not drinking with it.
therob3000: yeah
therob3000: another thing
therob3000: the xanex before drinking, thats wonderful
bballin honey21: well...it helps.
therob3000: when you wont take them like you're suppossed to
therob3000: even though I beg
therob3000: yeah cause its drugs
therob3000: if I take me one before I start drinking I do the same damn thing
bballin honey21: well, it's too much trouble to remember every morning when it didn't even help that much to begin with.
therob3000: maybe if you started and kept on it, it might do something
therob3000: and why the hell are you gonna sit here and let me tell you how to live your life
therob3000: I just realized that shit
bballin honey21: yeah, but i don't like waiting for that to happen.
bballin honey21: it makes me feel like i'm taking pills for nothing.
therob3000: well if you kept on, I'm just saying, you might can see a difference, without the alcohol
therob3000: I can promise ya, I can go a couple weeks without drinking, but I dont think you couldn't
bballin honey21: you don't think i could, you mean
therob3000: yeah sure
therob3000: yeah thats what I meant
bballin honey21: do you don't think i could go a couple of weeks without drinking? why you say that?
therob3000: because
therob3000: you cant
therob3000: told ya, I already been where you are sweetheart
therob3000: sorry
therob3000: I'm just being more of an asshole
bballin honey21: hmm
bballin honey21: no.
bballin honey21: you aren't being an ass hole about it this time.
therob3000: whoa really, you think so
therob3000: thats good to hear
therob3000: I'm just worried about you
therob3000: in general, with everything
therob3000: And I know, I'm nobody special and havent known you long, but come on I have a good sense of people apparently, even though I don't know how to act with them
bballin honey21: i dunno. i think i should actually start going back to my doctor.
bballin honey21: it seems to all get worse when i stop going.
therob3000: see
therob3000: I dont know, like I said, I am just worried
therob3000: screw the imaginary friendship, screw the me wanting to be with you
bballin honey21: yeah.
therob3000: just get happy
therob3000: for christ's sake
bballin honey21: well, you seem the be the only person i'm not fooling, because everyone else thinks i'm fine.
therob3000: you think you're fine?
bballin honey21: oh, i know i'm not. but i put on a damn good front. so anytime anything is ever said about me not being happy, people don't believe it and say i'm fine.
bballin honey21: that's why when shit hit the fan last year...everyone was shocked.
bballin honey21: b/c everyone thought i was fine.
therob3000: well then
bballin honey21: my parents made me go to therapy and i got diagnosed with major depression and GAD...and once i started telling my close friends...they all were shocked
bballin honey21: and some of them said i was lying, until my parents talked to most of them about helping me out and helping me get out of the house more.
bballin honey21: well,...didn't say i was lying.
bballin honey21: but said i was fine and that it was all in my head.
bballin honey21: but apparently you are the only person i'm not fooling.
therob3000: why does it take two days of fighting for all of this to be said
bballin honey21: i thought you knew all of that about me.
therob3000: some of it, yes
bballin honey21: what did you not know?
therob3000: major depression for one
therob3000: and the gad
bballin honey21: oh
therob3000: you never said that
therob3000: you told be you were depressed
bballin honey21: hm.
bballin honey21: yeah.
bballin honey21: no...was diagnosed.
bballin honey21: every appointment that i miss...my doctor calls my parents and tells them.
bballin honey21: b/c i signed a paper
therob3000: yeah
bballin honey21: i was on wellbutrin to begin with.
bballin honey21: it made me worse.
bballin honey21: now i'm "on" lexapro...
bballin honey21: but i dont take it.
bballin honey21: they think i do.
therob3000: but you arent takin it
therob3000: see
therob3000: why do you do this to yourself
bballin honey21: i didn't know you didn't know the major depression part.
bballin honey21: i dunno.
bballin honey21: because i don't think of myself enough in the first place, i guess.
bballin honey21: so, i feel like it doesn't matter much.
therob3000: you dissappoint me babe
bballin honey21: i disappoint a lot of people.
therob3000: you got all these people that care about you and love you
bballin honey21: i'm used to it.
therob3000: and you wont even try to make things better
therob3000: you just want to ignore it
therob3000: you're better than that
bballin honey21: yeah, but i have everybody thinking it's fine...so...things are better as far as they are concerned.
therob3000: exactly
therob3000: thats messed up
therob3000: How the hell I know things aren't fine
therob3000: and they don't
therob3000: Like honestly, you will be mad at me... a lot... like the past few days, But I'm not going to lie to you
therob3000: and I'm not gonna try to pull that shit like I did yesterday
therob3000: But sometimes the stuff I want to tell you comes out that way and is fucked up
bballin honey21: yeah...
therob3000: just lookin out for ya babe
bballin honey21: k
therob3000: dude you're not crying again are you
bballin honey21: no
therob3000: I can't take getting bitched out more
therob3000: ok
therob3000: if I did that twice in a week, I think of the girls would have me killed
therob3000: one of*
bballin honey21: pretty sure dusti would.
therob3000: yeah
therob3000: and I would hate for that too happen
therob3000: but I dont think you hate me that much right now
therob3000: so something good happened tonight I guess
bballin honey21: hm
therob3000: hmm either that or you are tired of me already
therob3000: Don't make me cry, I can do it
bballin honey21: just didn't know what to say.
therob3000: get lost in your thoughts a lot
bballin honey21: pretty much
therob3000: You're gonna have to stay up on the honesty policy if you want to keep talking to me doll
therob3000: that goes for all the time
therob3000: but since you aren't being very talkative and must be lost in your thoughts about your life, and how truely lucky you are to have me in it, I will go to bed, well go lay down until I pass out
bballin honey21: ok
therob3000: I dont even get a giggle out of you for the lucky stuff?
therob3000: thats just wrong...
bballin honey21: i dont laugh all that easily, you know.
therob3000: I used to do it
therob3000: besides, thats funny because its true
therob3000: and you know it
therob3000: oh well... cant do everything in one night I reckon, goodnight sweetheart talk to you tomorrow I am sure
bballin honey21: night
therob3000 is away at 3:16:56 AM.