Backlash
I sat here for a long time trying to figure myself out. Trying to figure out where my life was going. My job...well I know where that's going. But me, outside of a work life, where am I going?
For the past 4 YEARS my happiness has been determined by the people in my life. Mostly guys. Did I have someone? Yup -- therefore for that time I was happy.
But you know what I realized this week. I'M OKAY WITH NO GUY. I do okay being single, and I will continue to be okay single. Until I find someone who really truly loves me. Not because I can be one of the guys, not because I can drink too. But because he is taken back by ME...
I left him two weeks ago, and I realized what an idiot I have been, and how much he has lost. Because I might be the last girl who puts up with his bullshit, I might be the only girl who could have loved him just right. But neither one of us will ever know that, and you know what...I'M OKAY WITH THAT TOO.
I'm okay not knowing, I dont care about the 'what ifs' anymore. Not with him anyway.
I also gave up truly believing in signs, holding my breath on what they might mean. Like Bryan being at the boulder the night I broke things off with Tyler, if it was a sign I'm ignoring it. Or Seeing Tyler at Hot Shotz a week after I ended things. All by himself standing alone in the corner while I am with all my friends. I'm ignoring the sign. I'm moving past it.
I'm glad I dont know where this life is going to take me, I like the surprises that keep coming my way. I love the shifting and changing off it all. Make friends, lose friends, lovers who come and go. It's what makes this life a roller-coaster and not a merry-go-round.
Do I hope if anything in the end I am happy, in-love, with great friends to share it all with --of course. But I think I'm willing to wait and see if I get there, and what else this world has to offer me. Besides whose to say I wont meet Mr. Right tomorrow, or that I already have. Maybe he has been living down the street from me for 15 years. Maybe he will bump into me in a grocery store line 5 years from now. And maybe, just maybe he'll be waiting for me too. Yeah I can wait for my 'happily ever after'...after all, whose to says it hasn't already started. Maybe my once apon a time was 10 min ago. And now all I have to do is wait.
So yeah, I think I'll just wait.
For the past 4 YEARS my happiness has been determined by the people in my life. Mostly guys. Did I have someone? Yup -- therefore for that time I was happy.
But you know what I realized this week. I'M OKAY WITH NO GUY. I do okay being single, and I will continue to be okay single. Until I find someone who really truly loves me. Not because I can be one of the guys, not because I can drink too. But because he is taken back by ME...
I left him two weeks ago, and I realized what an idiot I have been, and how much he has lost. Because I might be the last girl who puts up with his bullshit, I might be the only girl who could have loved him just right. But neither one of us will ever know that, and you know what...I'M OKAY WITH THAT TOO.
I'm okay not knowing, I dont care about the 'what ifs' anymore. Not with him anyway.
I also gave up truly believing in signs, holding my breath on what they might mean. Like Bryan being at the boulder the night I broke things off with Tyler, if it was a sign I'm ignoring it. Or Seeing Tyler at Hot Shotz a week after I ended things. All by himself standing alone in the corner while I am with all my friends. I'm ignoring the sign. I'm moving past it.
I'm glad I dont know where this life is going to take me, I like the surprises that keep coming my way. I love the shifting and changing off it all. Make friends, lose friends, lovers who come and go. It's what makes this life a roller-coaster and not a merry-go-round.
Do I hope if anything in the end I am happy, in-love, with great friends to share it all with --of course. But I think I'm willing to wait and see if I get there, and what else this world has to offer me. Besides whose to say I wont meet Mr. Right tomorrow, or that I already have. Maybe he has been living down the street from me for 15 years. Maybe he will bump into me in a grocery store line 5 years from now. And maybe, just maybe he'll be waiting for me too. Yeah I can wait for my 'happily ever after'...after all, whose to says it hasn't already started. Maybe my once apon a time was 10 min ago. And now all I have to do is wait.
So yeah, I think I'll just wait.