Just a jumble of words from a messed up girl
Forgot to take my depression meds until just about now. And at the sad part of a movie. So this is what you get.
Why does the stupid nerdy/loser girl in these stupid movies actually have to be a hot girl? Its not believable. Putting her in jeans, glasses and a ball cap doesn't make her less hot. And actually makes us stupid nerdy loser girls feel worse, not better.
What about the girls who don't wear makeup? Who don't straighten their hair every day? Who don't feel the need to cover up every blemish? And the ones who shop at Wal-Mart, and *gasp* even Value Village.
We still watched Disney movies when we were kids. I hope we still believe in Prince Charming.
But my ideas of who he is changes almost by the day. What I am looking for, the qualities I want, and what I am discovering I don't want.
It sucks because I still believe that no-one really actually wants me for me. I am so messed up. My self esteem doesn't fucking exist at all. So part of me tells me I should just suck it up and go back to Jay. I could be okay with that. I could ignore the bad parts. But I don't want to HAVE to ignore the bad parts.
Then there was Kris. Someone I could understand, someone who understands me. And now he is moving away and probably will never come back. And probably didn't want a relationship with me anyways.
I want someone who gets me. Who totally understands me for me. Who would be willing to hang out with me no matter how I look or act at the time. I guess thats alot to ask for.
Dont know what to think about myself anymore. Im not much of a catch. Renting a place, working as an email jockey, no major life plans AT ALL.
So life sucks.
yeah
Why does the stupid nerdy/loser girl in these stupid movies actually have to be a hot girl? Its not believable. Putting her in jeans, glasses and a ball cap doesn't make her less hot. And actually makes us stupid nerdy loser girls feel worse, not better.
What about the girls who don't wear makeup? Who don't straighten their hair every day? Who don't feel the need to cover up every blemish? And the ones who shop at Wal-Mart, and *gasp* even Value Village.
We still watched Disney movies when we were kids. I hope we still believe in Prince Charming.
But my ideas of who he is changes almost by the day. What I am looking for, the qualities I want, and what I am discovering I don't want.
It sucks because I still believe that no-one really actually wants me for me. I am so messed up. My self esteem doesn't fucking exist at all. So part of me tells me I should just suck it up and go back to Jay. I could be okay with that. I could ignore the bad parts. But I don't want to HAVE to ignore the bad parts.
Then there was Kris. Someone I could understand, someone who understands me. And now he is moving away and probably will never come back. And probably didn't want a relationship with me anyways.
I want someone who gets me. Who totally understands me for me. Who would be willing to hang out with me no matter how I look or act at the time. I guess thats alot to ask for.
Dont know what to think about myself anymore. Im not much of a catch. Renting a place, working as an email jockey, no major life plans AT ALL.
So life sucks.
yeah