(no subject)
I saw an ad. today that both amused and utterly disgusted me, so, naturally, I just *had* to share it.
First, we're asked if we're tired of dry, calloused feet. The woman sitting on the bed demonstrating this particular emotion looks reasonably annoyed, clutching at her foot in horror. Next, we're asked if we're embarrassed by how our feet look...THIS time, however, in the background there is a woman sitting on a bed looking like she is SCREAMING at the camera and having an absolute fit, turning away as if to say, 'Don't look at me! DON'T LOOK AT ME!' The camera, dutifully, goes to black.
Now, I don't know about you, but that seems a little over the top. They are, after all, just feet. They're not great looking, they will get smelly sometimes, and yes, they will get dry. Screaming and throwing a tantrum like a two year old that you just stole a lollipop off seems almost, just almost, a bit of an over-reaction should somewhere dare to come near your disgusting, probably mutated and evolving into a separate life-form feet.
Then, the product is presented. Glowing. Almost angelic. The tag-line? "The ultimate way to smooth beautiful feet!" No, that's stupid. I don't want to smooth beautiful feet. I want to smooth my semi-mutated dinosaur dinosaur feet so that they *become* beautiful. It's like selling anti-ageing products to a foetus.
But wait, there's more!
This thing? Looks like a fucking *grater*. It has 'over 100 stainless steel microfiles' and look like it could slice your feet to *shreds*. The woman using it seems pretty happy, however. This is not the same woman that had a fit, mind you - I'm guessing she probably had to be sedated following her scene.
My absolute *favourite* part of the entire ad. follows there, when they proudly tell you that the Ped Egg (which is what it's called) can hold all your filings! All the scaly bits you scraped off your feet can be kept safe in their own little container, awaiting future use as sugar replacement for when the in-laws visit. You really have to see all the scale filings in the container to truly understand just how vomit-inducing this part is.
This handy function means you can "use it anywhere". Yes, anywhere! Walking down the street and feeling a little chafing in your socks? Just pull out your Ped Egg and scrape away! Feeling itchy during a movie? Out comes the handy Ped Egg! What about at dinner? Not only could you ensure that your feet are silky smooth for your date (because no way would you have done this, you know, *at home*), you could even use the filings as a garnish afterwards.
They then demonstrate just how soft it is by grating an orange with it. Um. Okay.
It's great for 'mums, dads, daughters and grandmothers' (sons and grandfathers aren't allowed, apparently. Some legal thing). 'In fact, it's great for the whole family!' They then show a split-screen view of the aforementioned scraping happily away at their feet. Not just any foot scraper can bring the family together like this one does! There's nothing quite like sitting around the Christmas tree, opening presents and scraping off your old, dead foot skin to bring a family together.
I also love what it says on the website: "Gently removes callous, dry skin". Because I hate it when my skins gets callous and stops caring about me. Insensitive jerk.
First, we're asked if we're tired of dry, calloused feet. The woman sitting on the bed demonstrating this particular emotion looks reasonably annoyed, clutching at her foot in horror. Next, we're asked if we're embarrassed by how our feet look...THIS time, however, in the background there is a woman sitting on a bed looking like she is SCREAMING at the camera and having an absolute fit, turning away as if to say, 'Don't look at me! DON'T LOOK AT ME!' The camera, dutifully, goes to black.
Now, I don't know about you, but that seems a little over the top. They are, after all, just feet. They're not great looking, they will get smelly sometimes, and yes, they will get dry. Screaming and throwing a tantrum like a two year old that you just stole a lollipop off seems almost, just almost, a bit of an over-reaction should somewhere dare to come near your disgusting, probably mutated and evolving into a separate life-form feet.
Then, the product is presented. Glowing. Almost angelic. The tag-line? "The ultimate way to smooth beautiful feet!" No, that's stupid. I don't want to smooth beautiful feet. I want to smooth my semi-mutated dinosaur dinosaur feet so that they *become* beautiful. It's like selling anti-ageing products to a foetus.
But wait, there's more!
This thing? Looks like a fucking *grater*. It has 'over 100 stainless steel microfiles' and look like it could slice your feet to *shreds*. The woman using it seems pretty happy, however. This is not the same woman that had a fit, mind you - I'm guessing she probably had to be sedated following her scene.
My absolute *favourite* part of the entire ad. follows there, when they proudly tell you that the Ped Egg (which is what it's called) can hold all your filings! All the scaly bits you scraped off your feet can be kept safe in their own little container, awaiting future use as sugar replacement for when the in-laws visit. You really have to see all the scale filings in the container to truly understand just how vomit-inducing this part is.
This handy function means you can "use it anywhere". Yes, anywhere! Walking down the street and feeling a little chafing in your socks? Just pull out your Ped Egg and scrape away! Feeling itchy during a movie? Out comes the handy Ped Egg! What about at dinner? Not only could you ensure that your feet are silky smooth for your date (because no way would you have done this, you know, *at home*), you could even use the filings as a garnish afterwards.
They then demonstrate just how soft it is by grating an orange with it. Um. Okay.
It's great for 'mums, dads, daughters and grandmothers' (sons and grandfathers aren't allowed, apparently. Some legal thing). 'In fact, it's great for the whole family!' They then show a split-screen view of the aforementioned scraping happily away at their feet. Not just any foot scraper can bring the family together like this one does! There's nothing quite like sitting around the Christmas tree, opening presents and scraping off your old, dead foot skin to bring a family together.
I also love what it says on the website: "Gently removes callous, dry skin". Because I hate it when my skins gets callous and stops caring about me. Insensitive jerk.