The circle life works through....how I'm dealing
Well okay, after too much advice, too many opinions and far too much sympathy that I just didn't ask for from anyone, I've had my closure and my own ways of dealing. Threw...that's what it is: just threw. The terms of friendship and hospitality are set in stone, not ot be moved from their places by lack of judgement or fickle mindsets. It's over...just over.
Now this isn't to say that I don't get the gut feeling when certain thoughts are brought to mind...because that gut feeling is still there in full. The twisting of the knife is indulged by my mind, the labyrinth of my entire manifest. But at least the pain and the sensation of that feeling, the feeling of loneliness and purposelessness, doesn't trigger tears anymore. I'm done crying...I was done crying yesterday afternoon at lunch.
Here's the part where I justify my reasons for getting over this person. This person who I so delicately recall as my favorite being for the past six months...this person who can no longer wear that title. It was brought to my attention yesterday, after I came out of the rain, that I don't deserve the hurt that was entrusted to me on several occassions. He chose to break my heart at the worst times in my life: the worst times in my life to ruin my life. Seems a little redundant doesn't it? I mean the first time, school was about ready to start and I didn't need an emotional hinderance on the first day of school. The second time was completely wrong because I was too busy to even breathe. I had and and dram up my ass and I was diligently planning a party and had no time to be even just by myself. And now? Well this was the worst time of all because I was too busy to deal with anything around the holidays and I had just lost basically everything near and dear to me. It was like he held my emotions in the palm of his hand and he justified breaking up with me several times because he knew I was so infatuated with him that I would just take him back like a hurt bird...not anymore. I'm done with heartache...
Basically my mind has come to grips with the fact that I can't make people love me. Sad I know, but there have been plenty of guys that I've done the same thing to, so I really can't complain. Life's just a bitch sometimes....it just wasn't meant to be.
Now this isn't to say that I don't get the gut feeling when certain thoughts are brought to mind...because that gut feeling is still there in full. The twisting of the knife is indulged by my mind, the labyrinth of my entire manifest. But at least the pain and the sensation of that feeling, the feeling of loneliness and purposelessness, doesn't trigger tears anymore. I'm done crying...I was done crying yesterday afternoon at lunch.
Here's the part where I justify my reasons for getting over this person. This person who I so delicately recall as my favorite being for the past six months...this person who can no longer wear that title. It was brought to my attention yesterday, after I came out of the rain, that I don't deserve the hurt that was entrusted to me on several occassions. He chose to break my heart at the worst times in my life: the worst times in my life to ruin my life. Seems a little redundant doesn't it? I mean the first time, school was about ready to start and I didn't need an emotional hinderance on the first day of school. The second time was completely wrong because I was too busy to even breathe. I had and and dram up my ass and I was diligently planning a party and had no time to be even just by myself. And now? Well this was the worst time of all because I was too busy to deal with anything around the holidays and I had just lost basically everything near and dear to me. It was like he held my emotions in the palm of his hand and he justified breaking up with me several times because he knew I was so infatuated with him that I would just take him back like a hurt bird...not anymore. I'm done with heartache...
Basically my mind has come to grips with the fact that I can't make people love me. Sad I know, but there have been plenty of guys that I've done the same thing to, so I really can't complain. Life's just a bitch sometimes....it just wasn't meant to be.