(no subject)
This is all wrong.
I need to be closer to nature. Maybe a visit to Maine will give me my fix but I'm starting to think it's getting past that point, now. I think I might be expiring, very suddenly, on New York.
Grad school would be a great reason to leave but I'm not at the point yet that I could apply to grad school so that won't work, not yet.
In order to take a step in that direction, volunteering is a great idea. It's possible that doing something with more purpose here would make me happier and more able to stay. That's the thing to look into, first.
But I'm really questioning, right now, how happy I am here. Whether I want to stay in New York, regardless of what I'm doing. Maybe this place has just never been the right fit for me. Maybe there's a reason why I don't have much to show for my time here. I certainly thrived more in Portland than I do here, in all kinds of ways. I was a better, more confident, more successful version of myself. That's not to say that there isn't something to being in a place that pushes you. Maybe it's just taking me longer here. And there's always the argument that Portland was too easy. There was a reason why I left. And I still don't know that I'd want to be there, now. But I'm not sure, at the moment, whether I want to be here, now, either.
I need to be closer to nature. Maybe a visit to Maine will give me my fix but I'm starting to think it's getting past that point, now. I think I might be expiring, very suddenly, on New York.
Grad school would be a great reason to leave but I'm not at the point yet that I could apply to grad school so that won't work, not yet.
In order to take a step in that direction, volunteering is a great idea. It's possible that doing something with more purpose here would make me happier and more able to stay. That's the thing to look into, first.
But I'm really questioning, right now, how happy I am here. Whether I want to stay in New York, regardless of what I'm doing. Maybe this place has just never been the right fit for me. Maybe there's a reason why I don't have much to show for my time here. I certainly thrived more in Portland than I do here, in all kinds of ways. I was a better, more confident, more successful version of myself. That's not to say that there isn't something to being in a place that pushes you. Maybe it's just taking me longer here. And there's always the argument that Portland was too easy. There was a reason why I left. And I still don't know that I'd want to be there, now. But I'm not sure, at the moment, whether I want to be here, now, either.