A dream I just had
Everything's a little cloudy. I'm just waking up. Did I hear a knock at the door? I'm not sure. But one of the doors are open. That doesn't seem right. I'm the only person here, and I'm asleep on the couch, not wearing any pants. There are two people standing outside the door. Two guys in suits. They either look like they're FBI Agents or mob hitmen. If it weren't for the fact that the door is open, I would just wait until they left, but there's no sneaking right now. Though, who knows? Those guys are so tall I can't even see their faces. Maybe they're also too dumb to have looked inside. But surely they know someone's home. My car's parked outside and the door of the house is open. Of course they know. Guess I better put on my pants and see what it is.
They keep looking like they're about to knock, but they never bother. "What's up, fellas?" I say. I'm hoping this will be something simple. I'm hoping nobody's about to pull a gun on me. And I have the sneaking suspicion there's someone else with them. Are they inside already? Or are they somewhere else?
"Come with us" one of the guys say. "Why would I want to do that?" I ask. "We've got a great offer to make you!" the other guy exclaims. "Fine..." So I reluctantly walk with them to...my car?
"How long have you lived in this house?" one guy asks. "About 6 years." "So you've had the car for about 6 years?" "No, I've only had the car for about 2 or 3." "I see you've been letting it sit out a lot. There's a lot of rust on there for a car you've only had for a couple of years. You didn't buy it that way did you?" "No. There's not really any rust on there either. It's just a little dirty. Okay, really dirty. I keep meaning to get it washed, I just haven't. I was actually just about to leave. Getting it washed was one of the things I was going to do while I was out." "Well, before you do that, there's something we'd like to show you..." So they lead me this small enclosed space, that I can only describe as a garage/laundry room/my dad's office/shed.
When we get in there, there's this heavyset woman in her mid-30's. She starts going about who knows what. I honestly don't remember. I just keep looking around, as I have no idea what all is in here and I'm wondering if she's stolen anything or plans on using something like a letter opener or something as a weapon. I look and see that the laundry room part of the place is flooded with suds, and that there is some weird equipment everywhere and hoses coming out of the washing machine. "What the hell did you do?" I ask her. "Oh, that's what we wanted to talk to you about," she says. "I'm sure you'll appreciate what we're about to do for you." She points back at my car, which, oddly enough, is now in there with us. Those guys have started washing it with the odd equipment I saw lying around. "We're going to take care of all of those little problems you were having and make them go away."
I point at the guys and tell them to "Stop! Stop what you're doing right now!" They just look at me funny. "We can't stop now, we've already started." The woman gives me a look that is, well, not very pleasant. "Why wouldn't you want us to do this for you? You're car was dirty, and now it's going to be clean. We thought you'd like that. Don't you appreciate it?" I just look at her. "I'm sure you're just doing this is a favor. And how much is it going to cost me, huh? I doubt you're answer is going to be that it's free." "Free? Ha, no! You owe us 50 bucks!"
I feel like I'm about to punch her. "You know you can't do that. You can't just show up at someone's house, uninvited, and start doing stuff they didn't ask you to do, and then, when they've tried to tell you they don't want your services, you go ahead and do it anyway and charge them for it, not even letting them know the amount until after you've already started." She looks even more unpleasant now. "Oh, and why can't we do that?" "Um, I'm pretty sure that's kind of illegal, for one. You are clearly not a legitmate business. You have to let people know the cost up front and then let them decide if they want what you're offering. You can't just force the product on them and then say they owe you the money whether they want it or not." She just says "There is no product here, so that doesn't apply." I tell her that the product, in this case, is my clean car. I could've gone and gotten it washed for much less than 50 bucks. She starts getting mad. "Where's my money? Just pay me now, and we'll forget the whole thing."
"I don't have 50 bucks!" I tell her. "I don't have any money! Sure, if I went out, I could probably get some money, but I don't have any now." She gets pissed. "You don't have any money? You don't have my money? Well you better get it!" She starts looking around my dad's office, opening cabinets, looking for money. She's about to go to his desk and start opening drawers, but I grab his baseball and tell her "You better not fucking touch one more thing, or I will bust open your fucking head." She glares at me, and then says "I suppose we could just wait hear while you go get the money. Or we could leave, then you'll go to work, and we'll come back afterwards. Shit, but that means we'll have to wait all night. You're really not making this easy on me." I tell her "Lady, I'm not giving you shit. Apparently you aren't getting that. Now don't you ever, I mean EVER, pull this shit again. On me, or anyone else. You got that? Or next time I call the police. And you better be glad my dad's not here, because then it would start to get really ugly."
"Your dad drove me nuts," she says. "He was difficult too." I laughed. "Ha, and I bet he kicked your ass out too, didn't he?" "How'd you know tha...I hate you both." She then kind of tried to tell her sob story about how she worked for him for a short time and was trying to make money in more efficient ways that no one approved of and so he fired her. I laughed at her and let her know she deserved it. "You're just like him" she said. "Yeah, and just like him, I'm going to tell you to get the fuck out of here, and if I ever see your ugly face again I'm going to bash it right the fuck in. So all of you, get your shit and get the hell out of here. NOW!" They grabbed their gear and left. Of course, they didn't bother the mess they left in the laundry room. Dicks. And they didn't wash my car in the driveway, but in my dad's office, so now that shit's everywhere.
What a way to start the day...
They keep looking like they're about to knock, but they never bother. "What's up, fellas?" I say. I'm hoping this will be something simple. I'm hoping nobody's about to pull a gun on me. And I have the sneaking suspicion there's someone else with them. Are they inside already? Or are they somewhere else?
"Come with us" one of the guys say. "Why would I want to do that?" I ask. "We've got a great offer to make you!" the other guy exclaims. "Fine..." So I reluctantly walk with them to...my car?
"How long have you lived in this house?" one guy asks. "About 6 years." "So you've had the car for about 6 years?" "No, I've only had the car for about 2 or 3." "I see you've been letting it sit out a lot. There's a lot of rust on there for a car you've only had for a couple of years. You didn't buy it that way did you?" "No. There's not really any rust on there either. It's just a little dirty. Okay, really dirty. I keep meaning to get it washed, I just haven't. I was actually just about to leave. Getting it washed was one of the things I was going to do while I was out." "Well, before you do that, there's something we'd like to show you..." So they lead me this small enclosed space, that I can only describe as a garage/laundry room/my dad's office/shed.
When we get in there, there's this heavyset woman in her mid-30's. She starts going about who knows what. I honestly don't remember. I just keep looking around, as I have no idea what all is in here and I'm wondering if she's stolen anything or plans on using something like a letter opener or something as a weapon. I look and see that the laundry room part of the place is flooded with suds, and that there is some weird equipment everywhere and hoses coming out of the washing machine. "What the hell did you do?" I ask her. "Oh, that's what we wanted to talk to you about," she says. "I'm sure you'll appreciate what we're about to do for you." She points back at my car, which, oddly enough, is now in there with us. Those guys have started washing it with the odd equipment I saw lying around. "We're going to take care of all of those little problems you were having and make them go away."
I point at the guys and tell them to "Stop! Stop what you're doing right now!" They just look at me funny. "We can't stop now, we've already started." The woman gives me a look that is, well, not very pleasant. "Why wouldn't you want us to do this for you? You're car was dirty, and now it's going to be clean. We thought you'd like that. Don't you appreciate it?" I just look at her. "I'm sure you're just doing this is a favor. And how much is it going to cost me, huh? I doubt you're answer is going to be that it's free." "Free? Ha, no! You owe us 50 bucks!"
I feel like I'm about to punch her. "You know you can't do that. You can't just show up at someone's house, uninvited, and start doing stuff they didn't ask you to do, and then, when they've tried to tell you they don't want your services, you go ahead and do it anyway and charge them for it, not even letting them know the amount until after you've already started." She looks even more unpleasant now. "Oh, and why can't we do that?" "Um, I'm pretty sure that's kind of illegal, for one. You are clearly not a legitmate business. You have to let people know the cost up front and then let them decide if they want what you're offering. You can't just force the product on them and then say they owe you the money whether they want it or not." She just says "There is no product here, so that doesn't apply." I tell her that the product, in this case, is my clean car. I could've gone and gotten it washed for much less than 50 bucks. She starts getting mad. "Where's my money? Just pay me now, and we'll forget the whole thing."
"I don't have 50 bucks!" I tell her. "I don't have any money! Sure, if I went out, I could probably get some money, but I don't have any now." She gets pissed. "You don't have any money? You don't have my money? Well you better get it!" She starts looking around my dad's office, opening cabinets, looking for money. She's about to go to his desk and start opening drawers, but I grab his baseball and tell her "You better not fucking touch one more thing, or I will bust open your fucking head." She glares at me, and then says "I suppose we could just wait hear while you go get the money. Or we could leave, then you'll go to work, and we'll come back afterwards. Shit, but that means we'll have to wait all night. You're really not making this easy on me." I tell her "Lady, I'm not giving you shit. Apparently you aren't getting that. Now don't you ever, I mean EVER, pull this shit again. On me, or anyone else. You got that? Or next time I call the police. And you better be glad my dad's not here, because then it would start to get really ugly."
"Your dad drove me nuts," she says. "He was difficult too." I laughed. "Ha, and I bet he kicked your ass out too, didn't he?" "How'd you know tha...I hate you both." She then kind of tried to tell her sob story about how she worked for him for a short time and was trying to make money in more efficient ways that no one approved of and so he fired her. I laughed at her and let her know she deserved it. "You're just like him" she said. "Yeah, and just like him, I'm going to tell you to get the fuck out of here, and if I ever see your ugly face again I'm going to bash it right the fuck in. So all of you, get your shit and get the hell out of here. NOW!" They grabbed their gear and left. Of course, they didn't bother the mess they left in the laundry room. Dicks. And they didn't wash my car in the driveway, but in my dad's office, so now that shit's everywhere.
What a way to start the day...