A rare public post
Been sorting priorities out, as in work / home / hobbies. Not an easy thing to do.
Last week, I decided to 'unfriend' a couple of people for no more perverse reason than that - priorities, and having to make cuts somewhere. Sure I could have not done it, but it felt like the right thing. Still does.
I hate this idea of 'friending' and 'defriending' anyway. To me friends are people I feel I know and have things in common with, rather than people who add themselves to my LJ or with whom I don't really have a lot to share. But the idea of 'defriending' seems to say 'I don't like you', which is far from the truth, although there are no doubt people who see it as that. In some cases, I wish I'd had more time to really get to know people but again, there are limits.
The whole etiquette of it all is so complicated too. Some people add me and never say a word, so on the odd occasion I go look at my info page, I see names I don't recognise or don't expect to see there. As I don't make public posts, they aren't going to 'get' anything unless I 'friend' back. I confess to preferring a quick mail to say 'hey, I added myself if that's OK'. I'm always happy to see if we have things in common, so usually do add the person in return. But hey - it's way easier to ask to be added than do to the deleting part, particularly if people take it wrongly.
Please note, too, that I use my LJ for various things: writing stuff, languages stuff, travel stuff. Posts to one set of friends wouldn't necessarily interest the others, despite some overlap. So that's why most things I post are on a filter. If I try to make sub-filters, I screw up. Or people decide not to respect the fact something isclearly filtered and pass it on to a wider audience. Hence one reason for taking a long, hard look at things, myself, and my rapidly expanding list.
I should probably have said something about 'weeding out', but for various reasons didn't. Partly, it was a snap decision and partly I presumed - rightly or wrongly - that the people concerned wouldn't notice and/or wouldn't care. If I'd said something, would it have made things any better or worse? No idea. Sometimes you can't win and it's not even worth trying.
'Defriending' me in return, or defriending me purely and simply, isn't going to make me upset or angry or anything else. Other people have priorities too (although naturally, there are exceptions, i.e. people I'd miss hugely because I feel really in touch with and / or have met) . I care a lot - and I mean a lot about people I feel I know and trust. Not knowing people of feeling at ease with them doesn't, however mean I hate them. I just have a finite amount of time and a lot to fit into it, so sometimes it's better to make choices. If that's taken as being over-dramatic or as a personal attack, so be it.
At one point, I felt like deleting my LJ as there have been times when it's been something of a rough ride when things have got... complicated. But no - I'd miss some of you far too much!
Last week, I decided to 'unfriend' a couple of people for no more perverse reason than that - priorities, and having to make cuts somewhere. Sure I could have not done it, but it felt like the right thing. Still does.
I hate this idea of 'friending' and 'defriending' anyway. To me friends are people I feel I know and have things in common with, rather than people who add themselves to my LJ or with whom I don't really have a lot to share. But the idea of 'defriending' seems to say 'I don't like you', which is far from the truth, although there are no doubt people who see it as that. In some cases, I wish I'd had more time to really get to know people but again, there are limits.
The whole etiquette of it all is so complicated too. Some people add me and never say a word, so on the odd occasion I go look at my info page, I see names I don't recognise or don't expect to see there. As I don't make public posts, they aren't going to 'get' anything unless I 'friend' back. I confess to preferring a quick mail to say 'hey, I added myself if that's OK'. I'm always happy to see if we have things in common, so usually do add the person in return. But hey - it's way easier to ask to be added than do to the deleting part, particularly if people take it wrongly.
Please note, too, that I use my LJ for various things: writing stuff, languages stuff, travel stuff. Posts to one set of friends wouldn't necessarily interest the others, despite some overlap. So that's why most things I post are on a filter. If I try to make sub-filters, I screw up. Or people decide not to respect the fact something isclearly filtered and pass it on to a wider audience. Hence one reason for taking a long, hard look at things, myself, and my rapidly expanding list.
I should probably have said something about 'weeding out', but for various reasons didn't. Partly, it was a snap decision and partly I presumed - rightly or wrongly - that the people concerned wouldn't notice and/or wouldn't care. If I'd said something, would it have made things any better or worse? No idea. Sometimes you can't win and it's not even worth trying.
'Defriending' me in return, or defriending me purely and simply, isn't going to make me upset or angry or anything else. Other people have priorities too (although naturally, there are exceptions, i.e. people I'd miss hugely because I feel really in touch with and / or have met) . I care a lot - and I mean a lot about people I feel I know and trust. Not knowing people of feeling at ease with them doesn't, however mean I hate them. I just have a finite amount of time and a lot to fit into it, so sometimes it's better to make choices. If that's taken as being over-dramatic or as a personal attack, so be it.
At one point, I felt like deleting my LJ as there have been times when it's been something of a rough ride when things have got... complicated. But no - I'd miss some of you far too much!