school
i feel really out of place for the time of year that it is. For one, i haven't seen a lot of the people i use to hang out with in awhile, because they've all pretty much moved to austin or otherwise faded out. The classes I have left are all pretty much b.s. save for jazz combo- but i don't even need the credit, and i'm not totally stoked about my combo this semester either. we practice once a week and play songs the sax player wants to play. last semester we practiced about 3 times a week and played 3 times throughout the semester.
then there's computer class- the only thing hard about it is that the teacher is disorganized and halfway to senility. history takes up my free time, but it's just read, memorize, vom it back up and forget it forever...and then there's the recording class i dropped while passing - like a fool last semester....
it's just largely boring. i want to get out of town, but my weekends are spoken for. i've been trying to finish mixing this album for the river hymn, but it's hard to find studio time when i share the place with 30 people. 2am starts to look real feasible. hopefully i'll get it done by wednesday, so i can practice to play at their show.
it sucks, i haven't had a show in months and this one's gonna be awesome and attract huge crowds - yet i'm only going to get a few hours of practice in before i play for the huge crowd taht's going to be there.
i've written half a song since the last time i played. how lame am i? i guess it doesn't really matter though, because i'm either the first or the second of 5 - which means i play at 7 or 8 - so there won't be that many people there - 'cept my mom of course. i just wanted to come up with something new and awesome to show people. i love playing, but it's embarrassing when i don't have anything new to play.
i would've been practicing all month, but i've been in the studio almost every chance i've gotten over the past month, trying to finish the unfinished. it's about time i finished some recordings anyway.
it sucked to learn that i take forever to mix. how am i gonna get a job if i work at a snail's pace?
it was cool that i saw i've gotten better at mixing - better than the mediocre crap i hear on most demos.
i'm just tired, i guess. i feel no closer to getting a job than i did before i worked all month, but i'm deep in this whole 'productivity' theme i've been trying to go on for the past couple months.
just trying to deny myself fun times and focus on working. it's lame. it's the total opposite of where i was last year at this time. i just want to be done with college. i'm over it all.
i'm over general education requirements and attendance policies. i'm over my dark apartment with 2 windows. i'm over free studio projects for people with no money. i'm over reading my history book for notes. i'm over not having time to get a job and make any money.
last night i stayed at the studio and mixed until 2 am. i missed out on celebrating my friend elia's 21st birthday at the bar while the people whose album i'm mixing went out and had a gaye-old-time. it sucked. but what sucked more, and baffled me further, was that i would rather be in the studio mixing. i don't think it's because i just love mixing - i think it's because i just want to have a project done. i want to have something i can show to people and have them go 'wow, that's awesome, come work for me.'
speaking of which, i wanted to go to the audio engineering society convention this weekend in nyc, but it's goign on the same time this show is happening and so it didn't work out - i'm playing, i'm doing this album, and i don't want to go to another convention empty handed and just wander around thinking about how cool it would be if i got a job.
but on the other hand, i'd really like to play music. i think i may just be using productivity to distract me from playing music because with music making comes the disappointment that i don't want to feel when i can't think of something to write or i realize my musical skills are less than perfect (pretty often).
so i make recordings that i'm proud of and in my free time to satisfy the need to create, i make dinner or i sew something. i need to stop letting fear take the wheel.
i'm just tired at this point. i need some change or something, but i'm so far from what i need, that i can't make out what it is. i'm back to wanting something but not knowing exactly waht that something is or even remotely how to get to it....
something leads me to believe there's more to this life, and that's what's being revealed to me now, in a roundabout way.
and on a side note: i've recently decided i'm sick of getting called a hippie.
i'm not saying that certain characteristics of brenna don't align to a hippie existence, because they do. i'm just trying to say that it's not necissary to pidgeon hole people like that.
i live in an apartment with nice things paid for by my parents, i drive a gas-guzzling SUV, i own a macintosh laptop computer, i travel via airplane ticket purchased with legal tender (no bartering involved), i don't smoke weed, and i bathe regularly.
there is just as much evidence here to suggest that i'm an upstanding member of the suburban republican community.
by the way, Getting annoyed with a girl becuase you can see her underarm stubble is entirely cultural. hair grows in the armpits of all humans. it makes about as much sense as creating a stir for being naked in public.
Nudity does not equal sex, and individuals would do well to internalize this. we have created, in most of america - a society where nudity is inappropriate. what are we afraid of? that's what we all look like without clothing. we come out of the womb naked, it is a normal way to be.
and finally, it shouldn't be considered "hip" to eat well, although somehow there has emerged a culture of disneyland granola-heads who seem to think that making their chocolate chip weed cookies with hemp oil is going to reduce their chance of getting fat off them. I don't think you should buy bottled water for more than some change, although i've observed that fiji and voss water could up your status among friends in Los Angeles.
I don't spend the majority of my grocery shopping experience in the produce section because i think it's cool. i do it because i like to eat real food that someone grew on a farm, milked from a cow, made in their home, sold at the market to support their family. what's the point of eating if you're going to stuff yourself with riboflavin and high fructose discounted-for-corporations syrup? once you do that there's no room for what your body actually needs to survive. avocadoes aren't hippie food. food is food. anyone can eat it. you aren't going to sprout a dreadlock anytime you sink your teeth in to a veggie chik'n nugget so just shut up and take a bite ( cuz their pretty darn good if you ask most people...)
then there's computer class- the only thing hard about it is that the teacher is disorganized and halfway to senility. history takes up my free time, but it's just read, memorize, vom it back up and forget it forever...and then there's the recording class i dropped while passing - like a fool last semester....
it's just largely boring. i want to get out of town, but my weekends are spoken for. i've been trying to finish mixing this album for the river hymn, but it's hard to find studio time when i share the place with 30 people. 2am starts to look real feasible. hopefully i'll get it done by wednesday, so i can practice to play at their show.
it sucks, i haven't had a show in months and this one's gonna be awesome and attract huge crowds - yet i'm only going to get a few hours of practice in before i play for the huge crowd taht's going to be there.
i've written half a song since the last time i played. how lame am i? i guess it doesn't really matter though, because i'm either the first or the second of 5 - which means i play at 7 or 8 - so there won't be that many people there - 'cept my mom of course. i just wanted to come up with something new and awesome to show people. i love playing, but it's embarrassing when i don't have anything new to play.
i would've been practicing all month, but i've been in the studio almost every chance i've gotten over the past month, trying to finish the unfinished. it's about time i finished some recordings anyway.
it sucked to learn that i take forever to mix. how am i gonna get a job if i work at a snail's pace?
it was cool that i saw i've gotten better at mixing - better than the mediocre crap i hear on most demos.
i'm just tired, i guess. i feel no closer to getting a job than i did before i worked all month, but i'm deep in this whole 'productivity' theme i've been trying to go on for the past couple months.
just trying to deny myself fun times and focus on working. it's lame. it's the total opposite of where i was last year at this time. i just want to be done with college. i'm over it all.
i'm over general education requirements and attendance policies. i'm over my dark apartment with 2 windows. i'm over free studio projects for people with no money. i'm over reading my history book for notes. i'm over not having time to get a job and make any money.
last night i stayed at the studio and mixed until 2 am. i missed out on celebrating my friend elia's 21st birthday at the bar while the people whose album i'm mixing went out and had a gaye-old-time. it sucked. but what sucked more, and baffled me further, was that i would rather be in the studio mixing. i don't think it's because i just love mixing - i think it's because i just want to have a project done. i want to have something i can show to people and have them go 'wow, that's awesome, come work for me.'
speaking of which, i wanted to go to the audio engineering society convention this weekend in nyc, but it's goign on the same time this show is happening and so it didn't work out - i'm playing, i'm doing this album, and i don't want to go to another convention empty handed and just wander around thinking about how cool it would be if i got a job.
but on the other hand, i'd really like to play music. i think i may just be using productivity to distract me from playing music because with music making comes the disappointment that i don't want to feel when i can't think of something to write or i realize my musical skills are less than perfect (pretty often).
so i make recordings that i'm proud of and in my free time to satisfy the need to create, i make dinner or i sew something. i need to stop letting fear take the wheel.
i'm just tired at this point. i need some change or something, but i'm so far from what i need, that i can't make out what it is. i'm back to wanting something but not knowing exactly waht that something is or even remotely how to get to it....
something leads me to believe there's more to this life, and that's what's being revealed to me now, in a roundabout way.
and on a side note: i've recently decided i'm sick of getting called a hippie.
i'm not saying that certain characteristics of brenna don't align to a hippie existence, because they do. i'm just trying to say that it's not necissary to pidgeon hole people like that.
i live in an apartment with nice things paid for by my parents, i drive a gas-guzzling SUV, i own a macintosh laptop computer, i travel via airplane ticket purchased with legal tender (no bartering involved), i don't smoke weed, and i bathe regularly.
there is just as much evidence here to suggest that i'm an upstanding member of the suburban republican community.
by the way, Getting annoyed with a girl becuase you can see her underarm stubble is entirely cultural. hair grows in the armpits of all humans. it makes about as much sense as creating a stir for being naked in public.
Nudity does not equal sex, and individuals would do well to internalize this. we have created, in most of america - a society where nudity is inappropriate. what are we afraid of? that's what we all look like without clothing. we come out of the womb naked, it is a normal way to be.
and finally, it shouldn't be considered "hip" to eat well, although somehow there has emerged a culture of disneyland granola-heads who seem to think that making their chocolate chip weed cookies with hemp oil is going to reduce their chance of getting fat off them. I don't think you should buy bottled water for more than some change, although i've observed that fiji and voss water could up your status among friends in Los Angeles.
I don't spend the majority of my grocery shopping experience in the produce section because i think it's cool. i do it because i like to eat real food that someone grew on a farm, milked from a cow, made in their home, sold at the market to support their family. what's the point of eating if you're going to stuff yourself with riboflavin and high fructose discounted-for-corporations syrup? once you do that there's no room for what your body actually needs to survive. avocadoes aren't hippie food. food is food. anyone can eat it. you aren't going to sprout a dreadlock anytime you sink your teeth in to a veggie chik'n nugget so just shut up and take a bite ( cuz their pretty darn good if you ask most people...)