Tough
Living with any in-law would come with a series of complications. I don't imagine it would be easy for any one.
The thing I can't grasp is why it's so overwhelmingly difficult for me! Every last thing drives me to such an extreme state of frustration. From the large trials down to the smallest tasks of cleaning. Cleaning here sends me in to such inner turmoil and anger it's not funny. I can't comprehend why his parents having to have every last surface covered in knick knacks and fake flowers makes me so on edge. I find myself swearing to myself and angry over these stupid little things that don't matter.
I try and tell myself - who cares, it's not my stuff, it doesn't matter that everything needs to have some damn doily or coaster under it. Clean it, put it back, and move on. But, I can't.
Even when relating it to my grandparents house, it doesn't compare. Yes, they had lots of knick knacks and things- any one over 70 would-but here it's excessive. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not as accepting as I always thought I was. Maybe I'm just a bad, angry, hateful person.
I've never felt so frustrated or overwhelmed. ... I've never felt like such a bad person.
I want to cry and refuse to do anything! I don't have the energy to wash walls and clean carpets but I also can't envision bringing a baby in to the house knowing that there's 40 year old carpeting every where! Yes it's been cleaned very well over the years, but it doesn't change that it's that age and I'd like to rip it all up and have the floor restored, and have the walls washed well and have everything immaculate for this child. I can't do that because it's not my place to. It's not my right to impose any sort of change on to this man. This man who wouldn't accept the change any way. Who would revolt against me taking the ill matched fake flowers out of the living room or taking the god awful blankets that don't match either off the furniture.
More than anything this is an internal struggle I don't like and wish didn't exist. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant, but... I have a feeling I just don't deal with the extreme differences in personal behaviour and ways of life.
This is way too rambly and incoherent so I'll end this, not feeling much better about it.
Back to the grind I go.
The thing I can't grasp is why it's so overwhelmingly difficult for me! Every last thing drives me to such an extreme state of frustration. From the large trials down to the smallest tasks of cleaning. Cleaning here sends me in to such inner turmoil and anger it's not funny. I can't comprehend why his parents having to have every last surface covered in knick knacks and fake flowers makes me so on edge. I find myself swearing to myself and angry over these stupid little things that don't matter.
I try and tell myself - who cares, it's not my stuff, it doesn't matter that everything needs to have some damn doily or coaster under it. Clean it, put it back, and move on. But, I can't.
Even when relating it to my grandparents house, it doesn't compare. Yes, they had lots of knick knacks and things- any one over 70 would-but here it's excessive. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not as accepting as I always thought I was. Maybe I'm just a bad, angry, hateful person.
I've never felt so frustrated or overwhelmed. ... I've never felt like such a bad person.
I want to cry and refuse to do anything! I don't have the energy to wash walls and clean carpets but I also can't envision bringing a baby in to the house knowing that there's 40 year old carpeting every where! Yes it's been cleaned very well over the years, but it doesn't change that it's that age and I'd like to rip it all up and have the floor restored, and have the walls washed well and have everything immaculate for this child. I can't do that because it's not my place to. It's not my right to impose any sort of change on to this man. This man who wouldn't accept the change any way. Who would revolt against me taking the ill matched fake flowers out of the living room or taking the god awful blankets that don't match either off the furniture.
More than anything this is an internal struggle I don't like and wish didn't exist. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant, but... I have a feeling I just don't deal with the extreme differences in personal behaviour and ways of life.
This is way too rambly and incoherent so I'll end this, not feeling much better about it.
Back to the grind I go.