(no subject)
So I really like this song Fortunate Fool by Jack Johnson. I don't know why, but it came on the other day and every time I hear it, I feel so connected to it and I'm not sure why....
"She knows the world is just her stage
And so she'll never misbehave
She gives thanks for what they gave her
Man, they practically made her
Into a mmm...
But she's the one that stumbles when she talks about
The seven foreign films that shes checked out
Such a fortunate fool
She's just to good to be true
She's such a fortunate fool"
So here I am awake and restless yet again. I hate being this way. And you know you would think its because I am still so overwhelmed from my experience on Semester at Sea or something, but its not. The truth is I have actually decided that I'm not sure I would repeat that experience. Not because I didn't have fun, but because I have begun to disagree with the concept of travel. The next time I go anywhere I want it to be for a purpose beyond just enjoying myself. I mean okay yeah it helps you learn about a place when you go there, but I just think what is the point of learning about a place or becoming "cultured" for your own selfish reasons when the place you're going needs real help. I'm not saying I know the best way to help even now or that I regret SAS...I am eternally grateful for what I learned on the ship, but I just think that traveling is about me and not about others. I want to do something that will make the world a better place and now that I've seen some of the world maybe I can do something...if small things. I wish I knew if I have made changes...I don't know that I have. I can think of a few things: I have been getting into the habit of turning off the water when I soap up, I am volunteering at the Wetlands Institute this summer, and I am in the process of working with Marymount's environmental club on getting Marymount to be more sustainable. Enough? Probably not. But I guess at least its more of a start than after El Salvador.
Still I am just so uncertain of everything. I am so lonely sometimes. I mean okay yeah I have been surrounded by people since I've come home, but as always I feel I need more to some extent. I don't just want company....I want to be loved. How corny, I know, but I really just want someone to be with. And I wish I understood why I don't. I mean good lord how long have I waited for something that works out? And I don't know if I am just difficult to deal with or if I am just bad at relationships but I just wish I had what couples I see have. Whatever...I guess I should stop bitching and be positive for once. But jesus I'm going to be 21 and I haven't gotten this figured out. Ridiculous. Okay well I guess thats all...more random ramblings to come later...
"She knows the world is just her stage
And so she'll never misbehave
She gives thanks for what they gave her
Man, they practically made her
Into a mmm...
But she's the one that stumbles when she talks about
The seven foreign films that shes checked out
Such a fortunate fool
She's just to good to be true
She's such a fortunate fool"
So here I am awake and restless yet again. I hate being this way. And you know you would think its because I am still so overwhelmed from my experience on Semester at Sea or something, but its not. The truth is I have actually decided that I'm not sure I would repeat that experience. Not because I didn't have fun, but because I have begun to disagree with the concept of travel. The next time I go anywhere I want it to be for a purpose beyond just enjoying myself. I mean okay yeah it helps you learn about a place when you go there, but I just think what is the point of learning about a place or becoming "cultured" for your own selfish reasons when the place you're going needs real help. I'm not saying I know the best way to help even now or that I regret SAS...I am eternally grateful for what I learned on the ship, but I just think that traveling is about me and not about others. I want to do something that will make the world a better place and now that I've seen some of the world maybe I can do something...if small things. I wish I knew if I have made changes...I don't know that I have. I can think of a few things: I have been getting into the habit of turning off the water when I soap up, I am volunteering at the Wetlands Institute this summer, and I am in the process of working with Marymount's environmental club on getting Marymount to be more sustainable. Enough? Probably not. But I guess at least its more of a start than after El Salvador.
Still I am just so uncertain of everything. I am so lonely sometimes. I mean okay yeah I have been surrounded by people since I've come home, but as always I feel I need more to some extent. I don't just want company....I want to be loved. How corny, I know, but I really just want someone to be with. And I wish I understood why I don't. I mean good lord how long have I waited for something that works out? And I don't know if I am just difficult to deal with or if I am just bad at relationships but I just wish I had what couples I see have. Whatever...I guess I should stop bitching and be positive for once. But jesus I'm going to be 21 and I haven't gotten this figured out. Ridiculous. Okay well I guess thats all...more random ramblings to come later...