(no subject)

[brendanluver22]

okay this will seriously go down as the worst Christmas ever. I don't even know how the hell it happened...okay I do...but I realy don't feel like getting into the details cuz I'll get pissed off again. Basically no one in my house knows how to let anything go...I mean I'm not saying they should, but they do not know how to direct their anger toward who it belongs to. I don't even know. But I'm pissed off that no one could calm their fucking nerves on Christmas Eve and now I don't even know whats going to happen in the morning. I highly doubt that we'll want to open presents as if nothing fucking happened not to mention that my mother basically said she didn't want the gifts we got her (long story). I honestly knew something like this was going to happen if my parents started dating. I know Dad. He's not the most insightful guy on the planet when it comes to his people skills. Seriously. He doesn't change. He's always been a humbug...always will. And I understand why she's angry..I do...but I can't even believe this had to turn into an all out shouting fest before she even knew the whole story. No wonder I am so uptight about my emotions for Christ sake. I'm afraid that I'll end up causing something like what happened tonight by jumping to conclusions. And you know...I know it wasn't just her. I know. But if we could have just let it go after we originally got it out things would have been fine. But no. Then there had to be drinking involved. yeah GREEEEEAAAAAAT fuckin idea. seriously. We might as well have asked for it. ya know it was a flash back to the old days. Here I am...just as in all those years...alone with the damn dog while they do whatever and steam. And people wonder why Tina Peabody doesn't fucking like alcohol or drugs. I mean I know I've allowed myself to do more than normal but honestly...this whole thing reminds me why I hated it so much in the first place. I hate hate hate hate hate hate what it does to people. And I never want to allow myself to be that person. ever. I hate that people have no ability to control their emotions because this is what happenes when you can't. Fucking people get pissed off over the stupidest shit and then are too afraid the next day to apologize so this years fight just becomes fuel for the next one and so on and so on until its just a fucking cycle. And I'm tired of that cycle. Can't anyone just THINK before getting all huffy? Or maybe talk about it calmly and explain whats going on inside their heads? Or if you can't...can't you have the decency to just keep our mouths shut and talk about it with the person who you NEED to talk about it with? And can we not get angry at the people who are trying to calm us down and try to actually listen to what their saying? Can we not yell at each other for no good reason just to outdue eachother? I really don't understand fighting and I think its really stupid. And overtly irrational. And if people would just stop shouting all the time maybe they could actually talk to each other and come to an agreement. It reminds me of (strangely enough) a line from a song:

"And our voices got to loud for talking"

Thats exactly what happened. And you know what...I'm really sorry if anyone who reads this thinks I am some kind of psycho because I'm flipping out via livejournal, but I really didn't have anyone else to talk to and as dramatic as this all sounds...this is exactly how I'm feeling. And you probably won't understand but its not as ridiculous as it sounds. At least I hope...

Okay...enough of this crap. I've had my vent.