why can't i breathe......
I had work today from 10 till 4, but I left early.
Mum called and said I should drop my suit off to the cleaners because Grandma's nurse said she didn't have much time left, a few hours or a day but that was about it.
I couldn't function at work so I left, the boss is covering me.
It was the hardest thing to be there and realize that my chances to be with my family were just passing and i was at work, so Carolyn who came in next sent me home she told me it'd be fine, so i drove home and almost was hit in a crosswalk, but it didn't really matter, even as the woman mumbled sorry, because i'm not really thinking about much, even as i type this, to be sorted out later and thought about, i can't think of what to say. I called meg and broke down on the phone because she is truly family to me for as cliche as it sounds. I can't really hold it together right now, and for good reason. grandma was the one no one worried about she was the strong one and the one who cared for everyone.
it was only about 6 months ago that we found out she was sick, and only about a month ago she was still ok, and two weeks ago she was still up and arund with help and last week we could still talk and laugh and this week shes in bed and in so much pain and on so many drugs it's almost impossible to find her underneath it all. but she still laughs and cracks jokes, that has been the most amazing thing to see, even as she drifts in and out she still sticks her tongue out or makes the connection. she called for me when i was over, she didnt want uncle frank to help her she wanted me. it's just os hard to believe that shes going, because everyone talks about cancer and how horrible it is, but until its in your life you won't know, it was like someone was slowly fading her out, and now im sitting here in the house waiting for news or the OK to come down or whatever, and im useless and crying and lost. mostly lost.
we used to bake cupcakes and she'd babysit us and we had sleepovers and i'd see her at bingo at the high school and i'd stop in and she'd show me off. she was so proud and supportive. she is supportive.
i can't do much right now and im surprised ive written this much. i can't really tell anyone whats going on, i dont know and when i do ill be in no shape to spread that hobrrible news around.
anyway, i love you guys who are reading this if anyone does, and ill try to be in touch
-brendan
Mum called and said I should drop my suit off to the cleaners because Grandma's nurse said she didn't have much time left, a few hours or a day but that was about it.
I couldn't function at work so I left, the boss is covering me.
It was the hardest thing to be there and realize that my chances to be with my family were just passing and i was at work, so Carolyn who came in next sent me home she told me it'd be fine, so i drove home and almost was hit in a crosswalk, but it didn't really matter, even as the woman mumbled sorry, because i'm not really thinking about much, even as i type this, to be sorted out later and thought about, i can't think of what to say. I called meg and broke down on the phone because she is truly family to me for as cliche as it sounds. I can't really hold it together right now, and for good reason. grandma was the one no one worried about she was the strong one and the one who cared for everyone.
it was only about 6 months ago that we found out she was sick, and only about a month ago she was still ok, and two weeks ago she was still up and arund with help and last week we could still talk and laugh and this week shes in bed and in so much pain and on so many drugs it's almost impossible to find her underneath it all. but she still laughs and cracks jokes, that has been the most amazing thing to see, even as she drifts in and out she still sticks her tongue out or makes the connection. she called for me when i was over, she didnt want uncle frank to help her she wanted me. it's just os hard to believe that shes going, because everyone talks about cancer and how horrible it is, but until its in your life you won't know, it was like someone was slowly fading her out, and now im sitting here in the house waiting for news or the OK to come down or whatever, and im useless and crying and lost. mostly lost.
we used to bake cupcakes and she'd babysit us and we had sleepovers and i'd see her at bingo at the high school and i'd stop in and she'd show me off. she was so proud and supportive. she is supportive.
i can't do much right now and im surprised ive written this much. i can't really tell anyone whats going on, i dont know and when i do ill be in no shape to spread that hobrrible news around.
anyway, i love you guys who are reading this if anyone does, and ill try to be in touch
-brendan