Considerations...
I sat and thought about what I was really upset with, in regard to my mother, after I posted. And mulling the whole discussion over in my mind, I finally drew the conclusion that she wasn't listening to all I was saying. Why is it, some people who you try to talk with only choose to pay attention to the bad or negative of what you say, instead of listening to all you say and hearing the good or positive things you bring up, as well? It seems many more do that than they realize, and so they feel personally affronted and victimized. It really is true what my dear from from my youth said when she told me that I can only be responsible for what I say, feel and do, personally; not what others choose to hear, feel, say or do. I have yet to go digging into my personal notes, but talking with one friend about that today, he noted how I was critical, but then he also saw where I was pointing out the positive influences I saw as well.
Yesterday, talking with my brother about my mom's behavior, he agreed that she's too irrational, and jumps to the defensive when she hears anything negative being said about someone she cares for. She doesn't even wait for the sentence to be finished before she's already snapped out a retort of indignation. She berated him when he was trying to point out something wrong, but how it might be fixed, before he had even gotten the words from his mouth; and then wouldn't let up, so that he got to the point that he just had to hang up the phone so he wouldn't yell back. I have tried to hold to the idea of treating others with the respect I would wish for myself; having a strong hand in raising him, this has lead him to be this way as well. But it seems that more often, common courtesy is pushed to the wayside because someone feels they deserve respect for being older, and isn't willing to offer respect in return.
Today is his court hearing. He might be in jail by this afternoon, just because of his counsellor and probation officer both saying they didn't want to deal with him any more, when he was trying to clarify the terms of his sentence. He didn't go to two sessions with the counsellor, because she was demanding payment for court ordered sessions, and yet he had no money. And when his probation officer said he had to go, even if he couldn't pay, he didn't know what to do. He tried to talk with both of them, and then they said they didn't want to deal with him any more; so he didn't go to the sessions, and didn't report to the probation officer. Once again, people didn't think before they spoke, and someone who tried to interpret things as they were said was caught in the crossfire. But, if he'd have waited a couple of days, and tried to talk with them again, or asked a third party for advice on how to handle the situation, he probably wouldn't be in the mess he is now.
I've done the best I can to help him, while at the same time struggling with my own demons (both personal and social) and still tried not to bolster false hopes, but hold to more realistic appraisal of the situation, and how the judge/court might likely view it. He's seen the things I've dealt with, and how the hearing Purr and I are going in for today will change and disrupt our lives for a while. Today, before he left, he gave me a hug and said 'Things will work out okay for you and Cat. It'll all be smooth for you two, from here on.' I offered him a few words, too. I know he really listened, because he was smiling, where before he'd just looked scared. I had told him to just have faith in himself, to point out how he'd been looking for work and a new home in the region, but with the job market how it's been here, he would like to get his probation changed to the Midwest, where he has family who are willing and able to help him, while he returns to a job that still has an unfilled position waiting for him. I pointed out to him to mention the misunderstanding with the counsellor and officer, and how he's tried to find free counselling to try to get the sessions covered. I showed him his strengths, and what he'd done to try to make up for the problems that have occurred. And when I saw him smile, I knew he would do well, too. I gave him a hug and saw him out the door. But, personally, I'm still a bit nervous since I know that judges can have bad days, like the rest of us, and take it out on the wrong person. I'm only hoping it all goes well for him, and for us ... and that we don't get a judge who's had a bad day.
Yesterday, talking with my brother about my mom's behavior, he agreed that she's too irrational, and jumps to the defensive when she hears anything negative being said about someone she cares for. She doesn't even wait for the sentence to be finished before she's already snapped out a retort of indignation. She berated him when he was trying to point out something wrong, but how it might be fixed, before he had even gotten the words from his mouth; and then wouldn't let up, so that he got to the point that he just had to hang up the phone so he wouldn't yell back. I have tried to hold to the idea of treating others with the respect I would wish for myself; having a strong hand in raising him, this has lead him to be this way as well. But it seems that more often, common courtesy is pushed to the wayside because someone feels they deserve respect for being older, and isn't willing to offer respect in return.
Today is his court hearing. He might be in jail by this afternoon, just because of his counsellor and probation officer both saying they didn't want to deal with him any more, when he was trying to clarify the terms of his sentence. He didn't go to two sessions with the counsellor, because she was demanding payment for court ordered sessions, and yet he had no money. And when his probation officer said he had to go, even if he couldn't pay, he didn't know what to do. He tried to talk with both of them, and then they said they didn't want to deal with him any more; so he didn't go to the sessions, and didn't report to the probation officer. Once again, people didn't think before they spoke, and someone who tried to interpret things as they were said was caught in the crossfire. But, if he'd have waited a couple of days, and tried to talk with them again, or asked a third party for advice on how to handle the situation, he probably wouldn't be in the mess he is now.
I've done the best I can to help him, while at the same time struggling with my own demons (both personal and social) and still tried not to bolster false hopes, but hold to more realistic appraisal of the situation, and how the judge/court might likely view it. He's seen the things I've dealt with, and how the hearing Purr and I are going in for today will change and disrupt our lives for a while. Today, before he left, he gave me a hug and said 'Things will work out okay for you and Cat. It'll all be smooth for you two, from here on.' I offered him a few words, too. I know he really listened, because he was smiling, where before he'd just looked scared. I had told him to just have faith in himself, to point out how he'd been looking for work and a new home in the region, but with the job market how it's been here, he would like to get his probation changed to the Midwest, where he has family who are willing and able to help him, while he returns to a job that still has an unfilled position waiting for him. I pointed out to him to mention the misunderstanding with the counsellor and officer, and how he's tried to find free counselling to try to get the sessions covered. I showed him his strengths, and what he'd done to try to make up for the problems that have occurred. And when I saw him smile, I knew he would do well, too. I gave him a hug and saw him out the door. But, personally, I'm still a bit nervous since I know that judges can have bad days, like the rest of us, and take it out on the wrong person. I'm only hoping it all goes well for him, and for us ... and that we don't get a judge who's had a bad day.