🎶I am just a poor boy, though my story's seldom told...🎶
This week has made me feel really put upon by the shit society we're living in, and it's only half over! I've had more runaround with paperwork, more agencies being fucking halfwit dipshits that can't find their heads with two hands and a flashlight. Maybe if they'd look up their asses, they'd have a much easier time with that. Fuckers! I'm really at the point where I hate the government system, the legal system, the insurance and pharma scam artists, and big business in general. The whole damned set-up is broken and needs scrapped and rebuilt from the grass-roots local community upward and outward as a true network of the people, for the people... ALL the people... not just a select few douchebags who think they're more important because they're a particular color, have a certain genitalia, or more of something than other people around them.
🎶Then I'm laying out my winter clothes
And wishing I was gone
Going home🎶
The one saving grace, this week, has been that former aunt of mine and my brother. He and I managed to get out for a while, and he got that paperwork handled for me, and is now looking around for a bicycle for me to get around more easily, complete with some winter studs I can switch out for the regular road tires when the rougher season comes. He loves that I'm getting out further than I was, and likes seeing me happier; and so does the former aunt. She's been out and about with me a couple of times since last week's market and concert. I got to meet her two dogs, one is a Cain Corso the other a Pitbull, both as sweet as cotton candy at a summer fair. The Corso was in the water at one point, head under as she was walking along trying to snap up a little fishy. The Pitty loves playing fetch, and hops on hind legs like she's dancing when she gets attention. The apartment she is in with them is pretty nice, but definitely has a musty/humidity issue. So we talked about that, and I checked the place finding out where the water was coming from. That should save them some time and get the repairs done all the sooner.
While I was hoping to see my dear Chrysanthemum, it didn't happen. But we've been talking more frequently again, and she also helped a bit tonight, when I noted my frustration with society making me want to just disappear into nature and leave all this bullshit behind. She said that she read something, and while it is meant for someone to pause and choose to live rather than die, she thought it might help me. When you cannot find a reason to stay for yourself, stay for the sunset that will be absolutely amazing to you three years from now. It brought a smile to my face, and she said, "I really want you to have a reason to stay, so we can share laughs together 5 or 10 years from now, too."
Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but if I can spend time with her, I'll take it. If I can find the ability to laugh a year from now with her, let alone 5 or 10, I'll definitely stick around.
I'm so tired of fighting - exhausted - but I will continue on... for them!
🎶In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
Or cut him 'til he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains🎶
I found myself abandoned here when I was a child, fighting to survive, struggling to find my place just like so many who didn't fit in but were trying their damnedest to do so. I went away, tried to discover a place to fit in, but understanding that home isn't a place, it's people.
I didn't believe that there were people here who still wanted me, let me feel like I would be cared for let alone succeed. But I understand that it's not in society we succeed, it's in individual relationships, it's in connections we make with one another that really matters deep down. They are the ones who are there when we cry out, and show us that we have something - someone - to fight for! They are home. And with them, I am home, and I am never alone. They are love, and fill me with the ability to keep going when I am ready to leave, when I feel like I can't handle any more. That is what tribe is, that is what society really is... not the trappings of materialism and busy-work and one-upmanship that so many with their dead-eyed sheeple personalities and bruised and battered egos try to promote for The Man. We will prevail, because we are survivors, fighters, and I am one of those who stands in the clearing, remembering, and ready to stand to defend and care for those who are in need of the same comfort as those who love me have offered and continue to do so.