Head Above Water
Do you ever feel like you have to tread a little harder than usual to keep your head above the water?
I feel like that right now, and I'm getting tired, and my feet don't want to kick anymore. I'm up to my eyes in it and I just don't want to kick anymore.
Most of the time I feel like I'm doing ok. Swimming in the shallow end. I can deal with all of it. I can deal with my (literally) crazy family, my parents' divorce, my alcoholic aunt who annoys me when she calls at 2am (my time) but scares the hell out of me when I don't hear from her for a few weeks after. I can deal with work and demands and angry people and traffic before work and maybe getting out of bed on time.
But sometimes, it just takes one little thing. One argument, or one word said, like maybe being called a "Fucking Bitch" that just kind of knocks me over into the deep end. And I have to kick and I have to swim and I don't want to kick anymore.
Today. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a little hungover, I thought I slept well. Maybe it's just time to swim. I guess it's time every few months or so for me to go on one of these little depressed field trips in my head and revisit all of the bullshit that I spend the rest of my time trying to forget. I hate that. I wish I didn't do that. I just don't know how not to when I get like this.
I'm just tired, and I don't want to kick anymore.
I feel like that right now, and I'm getting tired, and my feet don't want to kick anymore. I'm up to my eyes in it and I just don't want to kick anymore.
Most of the time I feel like I'm doing ok. Swimming in the shallow end. I can deal with all of it. I can deal with my (literally) crazy family, my parents' divorce, my alcoholic aunt who annoys me when she calls at 2am (my time) but scares the hell out of me when I don't hear from her for a few weeks after. I can deal with work and demands and angry people and traffic before work and maybe getting out of bed on time.
But sometimes, it just takes one little thing. One argument, or one word said, like maybe being called a "Fucking Bitch" that just kind of knocks me over into the deep end. And I have to kick and I have to swim and I don't want to kick anymore.
Today. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a little hungover, I thought I slept well. Maybe it's just time to swim. I guess it's time every few months or so for me to go on one of these little depressed field trips in my head and revisit all of the bullshit that I spend the rest of my time trying to forget. I hate that. I wish I didn't do that. I just don't know how not to when I get like this.
I'm just tired, and I don't want to kick anymore.