(no subject)
All right, so this post is mainly for Christina. I kind of dropped off the face of the planet and explained anything that happened.
On September 27th, I withdrew from school. Holy shit. I can't believe it's almost been two months since that whole debacle went down. Essentially, I went nuts. It's the simplest way to explain what happened. About two weeks into it, I was in a constant state of anxiety all the time at school. I was having anxiety attacks, not sleeping, barely eating. I would just sit and stare for hours. I wanted to talk to everyone I could but answering them was a chore. I couldn't concentrate in school. I wanted to walk off my dorm building. I cried a lot and eventually my emotions disappeared all together. The only thing I felt was panic. I thought every little pain was going to kill me. I was hypersensitive. I went to the counselor twice a week for scheduled appointments and would show up at least once unannounced demanding to see someone. It got ridiculous. I would always feel all right if I was talking to someone from home, but at the same time, I would only half be listening to them. I often forgot what I was talking about and wouldn't really listen to what people were saying to me. I was too preoccupied with my confusion on what happened to me. Nothing made me feel OK. I was so alone. I had one friend. Now that I'm home, I don't even talk to him. I hated St. Bonaventure. I knew as soon as I came home from orientation that it just wasn't meant to be. But at that point, I had no other choice. I tried to stick it out the semester. I barely made it through a month. I felt like I was dreaming all the time. My vision was cloudy. I was having anxiety attacks in class, in the shower. I would try to do things in habitual ways like going to bed around 12 and waking up around 8 every day, going to the gym and working out for almost an hour at one point. Nothing worked. Eventually, I was forced to go home. I had the option of going to the Olean hospital and getting a psych evaluation done, taking a leave of absence or just withdrawing. I could willingly withdraw or forcefully. I didn't really know what was going on when I withdrew. I had no reaction to it. I just walked over to the registrar's office and signed some papers. I went and returned my books and packed all my shit in just a few hours. My mom and brother came and picked me up and we went home.
to be continued.
On September 27th, I withdrew from school. Holy shit. I can't believe it's almost been two months since that whole debacle went down. Essentially, I went nuts. It's the simplest way to explain what happened. About two weeks into it, I was in a constant state of anxiety all the time at school. I was having anxiety attacks, not sleeping, barely eating. I would just sit and stare for hours. I wanted to talk to everyone I could but answering them was a chore. I couldn't concentrate in school. I wanted to walk off my dorm building. I cried a lot and eventually my emotions disappeared all together. The only thing I felt was panic. I thought every little pain was going to kill me. I was hypersensitive. I went to the counselor twice a week for scheduled appointments and would show up at least once unannounced demanding to see someone. It got ridiculous. I would always feel all right if I was talking to someone from home, but at the same time, I would only half be listening to them. I often forgot what I was talking about and wouldn't really listen to what people were saying to me. I was too preoccupied with my confusion on what happened to me. Nothing made me feel OK. I was so alone. I had one friend. Now that I'm home, I don't even talk to him. I hated St. Bonaventure. I knew as soon as I came home from orientation that it just wasn't meant to be. But at that point, I had no other choice. I tried to stick it out the semester. I barely made it through a month. I felt like I was dreaming all the time. My vision was cloudy. I was having anxiety attacks in class, in the shower. I would try to do things in habitual ways like going to bed around 12 and waking up around 8 every day, going to the gym and working out for almost an hour at one point. Nothing worked. Eventually, I was forced to go home. I had the option of going to the Olean hospital and getting a psych evaluation done, taking a leave of absence or just withdrawing. I could willingly withdraw or forcefully. I didn't really know what was going on when I withdrew. I had no reaction to it. I just walked over to the registrar's office and signed some papers. I went and returned my books and packed all my shit in just a few hours. My mom and brother came and picked me up and we went home.
to be continued.