(no subject)
Back in January, Sophie and I had a big fight, a very big fight. There were lots of reasons for it. We immediately stopped being friends, and we went almost four months without speaking to each other.
Now it looks as though it might happen again, maybe even permanently. The thing is, though, she doesn't know about it yet. I'm going to talk to her tonight, if I can. To say "I'm scared" would be a major understatement. I'm petrified.
But more than anything, I guess, I'm sad. I have no desire to do this at all. Over the years I've lost some friends, and losing another one -- especially such a special one -- is not an appealing prospect. But I'm doing it because I HAVE to. She has no idea how much she hurts me sometimes, mainly because I don't exactly advertise it. But I can't keep letting this happen; I can't keep letting her hurt me over and over and over. It tries my patience, but most of all, it's hell on my self-esteem.
You'd think that someone who insists that they care for you might actually show it once in a while. That they wouldn't get furious every time you called them. That they might say "I'll call you tomorrow" and actually do it.
So, if everything goes according to plan, it will happen sometime tonight. I'm oscillating between fearful adrenaline rushes and waves of sadness. I wish there was something else I could do, but I've tried everything, and she's still the same.
I hope it goes well, but I'm pretty sure it won't.
Now it looks as though it might happen again, maybe even permanently. The thing is, though, she doesn't know about it yet. I'm going to talk to her tonight, if I can. To say "I'm scared" would be a major understatement. I'm petrified.
But more than anything, I guess, I'm sad. I have no desire to do this at all. Over the years I've lost some friends, and losing another one -- especially such a special one -- is not an appealing prospect. But I'm doing it because I HAVE to. She has no idea how much she hurts me sometimes, mainly because I don't exactly advertise it. But I can't keep letting this happen; I can't keep letting her hurt me over and over and over. It tries my patience, but most of all, it's hell on my self-esteem.
You'd think that someone who insists that they care for you might actually show it once in a while. That they wouldn't get furious every time you called them. That they might say "I'll call you tomorrow" and actually do it.
So, if everything goes according to plan, it will happen sometime tonight. I'm oscillating between fearful adrenaline rushes and waves of sadness. I wish there was something else I could do, but I've tried everything, and she's still the same.
I hope it goes well, but I'm pretty sure it won't.