Emotions as of Lately.
As of lately I have been in all kinds of moods. (Yay for mood swings!) These are just a few of the emotions I have been feeling lately.
1) Alone & Miserable: Reason: My ex showed up here a few weeks ago and that showed me that I am very much so over with him. (He was so gross and ugly, I don't even know as of why I liked him.) Other reasons; I like this guy (I will use the word Baka, because that describes him totally, it is also a nickname I give him from time to time.) He is a 25 year old odd ball that I met on here, he came out to see me, in November. Which were the best three days of my life, he is the biggest influence in my life. He has changed my way of thinking, how I see life lately, and also got me into a few unhealthy items, that most people wouldn't see me doing in a million years. Also turned me into a hypocrite, which I am anyways so nothing new there. I am head over heels in love with him, but there are so many reasons as of WHY that it isn't a good idea for us to even be together. So I am in that dilemma and I am so depressed over this, I know in my mind that it'll never work out between us right now. My heart says otherwise and it is driving me crazy because I totally want to be with him.
Which brings forth other emotions, due to the solid fact that we can't be together. I want to have a boyfriend, I am probably only want one to fill that lonely void in my mind. Also I want a boyfriend due to I can't get the one person that I really want, so why not just go for second best. Which brings up another emotion with the loneliness, maybe I just want said "boyfriend" for a sexual reason. From the past guys I have seen, I can't stand the touchy feely kind, because I don't like being touched, and I can't stand the overly sweet ones. Baka to me is a unique person that I can empathize with on a daily basis. He and I are like the same person but all I will be considered is a "friend" which I can't stand being.
Anger & Envy; Reasons: Baka's ex. He is in madly love with her and I am both Angry and Envious with this situation. It breaks my heart to the core, She already has a boyfriend! But when baka and I were talking on the phone one night, when he was in such a depressed mood, he talked about her with such reverence and she seems like the coolest person ever. Which in turns makes me feel like shit, because I want to be that, I want someone to think that way about me. But I highly doubt I will ever be that way. So there are my emotions, well I am just stopping this because kelly called and her and I are going to be jamming out tonight to Backstreet boys and *Nysnc.
So now I am happy :)
1) Alone & Miserable: Reason: My ex showed up here a few weeks ago and that showed me that I am very much so over with him. (He was so gross and ugly, I don't even know as of why I liked him.) Other reasons; I like this guy (I will use the word Baka, because that describes him totally, it is also a nickname I give him from time to time.) He is a 25 year old odd ball that I met on here, he came out to see me, in November. Which were the best three days of my life, he is the biggest influence in my life. He has changed my way of thinking, how I see life lately, and also got me into a few unhealthy items, that most people wouldn't see me doing in a million years. Also turned me into a hypocrite, which I am anyways so nothing new there. I am head over heels in love with him, but there are so many reasons as of WHY that it isn't a good idea for us to even be together. So I am in that dilemma and I am so depressed over this, I know in my mind that it'll never work out between us right now. My heart says otherwise and it is driving me crazy because I totally want to be with him.
Which brings forth other emotions, due to the solid fact that we can't be together. I want to have a boyfriend, I am probably only want one to fill that lonely void in my mind. Also I want a boyfriend due to I can't get the one person that I really want, so why not just go for second best. Which brings up another emotion with the loneliness, maybe I just want said "boyfriend" for a sexual reason. From the past guys I have seen, I can't stand the touchy feely kind, because I don't like being touched, and I can't stand the overly sweet ones. Baka to me is a unique person that I can empathize with on a daily basis. He and I are like the same person but all I will be considered is a "friend" which I can't stand being.
Anger & Envy; Reasons: Baka's ex. He is in madly love with her and I am both Angry and Envious with this situation. It breaks my heart to the core, She already has a boyfriend! But when baka and I were talking on the phone one night, when he was in such a depressed mood, he talked about her with such reverence and she seems like the coolest person ever. Which in turns makes me feel like shit, because I want to be that, I want someone to think that way about me. But I highly doubt I will ever be that way. So there are my emotions, well I am just stopping this because kelly called and her and I are going to be jamming out tonight to Backstreet boys and *Nysnc.
So now I am happy :)